I am on family overload :(. ( vent)

LoveOfMikesLife · August 2012

I just want everyone to leave and stop visiting! I don't want their " help" , Im not going to let my 1 month old cry and " get it out of their system", and just because you did it when you had kids doesnt mean I have to do it!!!!

And to be honest- everyone being here is just creating more work and more expense for this one income family! Because you decide to surprise us and stay for a week I'm now somehow expected to feed you 3 meals a day and snacks!!!! That is NOT in my budget!!!!!!

TnG05 · August 2012

((HUGS)) can you all gently tell them it's time to leave, even make up a reason.

CheesyPeas · August 2012

Ugh. I feel annoyed just thinking about being in your shoes! Thankfully I think our families knew we wouldn't want their "help" in the beginning (and I think I dropped some pretty big hints to clue them in in advance), so they only visited for a day at a time.

I think you should tell them that it would be a big help if they could run to the store and pick up some food and snacks to have around because you don't want for them to go hungry, and if you simply don't "remember" to give them cash or a credit card before they head out the door, they'll probably just foot the bill themselves.

LoveOfMikesLife · August 2012

I wish it was that easy

instead they say, " I'll just eat such and such left overs" ( which I had planned for MY lunch the next two days) or " I don't mind just eating a sandwich" ( using the deli meat and cheese I bought with intent of lasting me 2 weeks) I wouldnt mind so much if they were actually helping but using my house as your "free" vacation hide away is not cool. Holding the baby isn't helpful when he hungry and crying...

martinimomma · August 2012

I'm with Rachael on this one. They should know you are a one-income family and that food costs money...these days, lots of money. With your LO being so wee, you are a sport for letting them stay at all -- a few ground rules (such as "as you can imagine we are on a budget, and frankly the grocery bill has blown through that, we'd appreciate your pitching in") seems more than fair.

And suprise visits of any duration are NOT okay. Ever, much less than when you have a new baby.

((Hugs))

johnnys june · August 2012

*hugs* I had to tell my mom straight out that my maternity leave $ was running out and I could not afford to feed them all day for the 4 extra days they were here (They were here - 6 of them in my tiny 3 bedroom house - for 10 days just after Emma was born, and then again when she was 8 weeks old for 4 days). I also had to "correct" my mom and tell her that this was my time to parent - she had her time. It sucks, but I couldn't take it anymore, and neither could DH. I don't see my family often, so I hated to have to say and do these things, but it was causing more issues.

I hope they leave you alone soon!

WearingRed · August 2012

I let my family run over me for the first few months. Before I snapped and said shut up I am em's mom and you are insert family member here She only needs one mom and one dad so we are covered. This time I am making it known now that no one is welcome to visit for more than an hour and a half and you will call first or you will not be let in till you do call. And of I need advice on something or help I will ask.

molRN · August 2012

Ugh. Sounds like a miserable situation. It sucks big time to be put in that sort of position. I would tell them something along the lines of "I can appreciate that you wanted to come visit. But being that your visit is/was unannounced, we had no time to plan. Honestly, this is not a good time and we would have let you know that had you discussed your visit with us prior to your arrival. It would be much easier on our family if you would find a hotel if you plan on staying in town. We can plan a few times to get togehter for coffee (much less expensive than a meal), that may be doable. We really can't host company right now, and we need you to respect this."

big_noise · August 2012

Oh my, I'm sorry. Uh yeah, they should be providing for YOU. Is there a way you guys can put your foot down about this? Hopefully they will filter out soon. That's tough.

weddedwife · August 2012

It's infuriating that people do this but it's pretty common. I'm gonna guess that you're kinda like me; while it really pisses you off you don't want to say something rude and offend somebody.

Here's a couple of suggestions: you could say, "We'd really like some pizza and salad for dinner, Uncle Bob would you mind going to get that for everybody?" or "Oh, we're almost out of clean sheets, who wouldn't mind washing a load of laundry for me?" or "We could really just use some peace and quiet time, how about if everybody clears out of here for the afternoon."

It's a fine line to walk but you do need to stick up for yourself. Maybe let DH be the bad guy while you "nap". Or the ultrasneaky tactic, "My aunt Matilda told us her family is dropping by for a surprise visit, so it'd be great if you could clear out of here a tomorrow and let her have some time with us". Hehe.

Good luck!

monica92603 · August 2012

LoveOfMikesLife:
I wish it was that easy instead they say, " I'll just eat such and such left overs" ( which I had planned for MY lunch the next two days) or " I don't mind just eating a sandwich" ( using the deli meat and cheese I bought with intent of lasting me 2 weeks) I wouldnt mind so much if they were actually helping but using my house as your "free" vacation hide away is not cool. Holding the baby isn't helpful when he hungry and crying...

It IS that easy. Who is it that is visiting and where do they live? If it's your family, you handle it. If it's H's family, he handles it. Nip it now or it will only be worse going forward. I don't have any subtle suggestions for you b/c I'm not subtle and what you are saying is happening would piss me off to no end. If the baby starts crying, take him and say "do me a favor, while I feed him, can you (insert chore here)" or "we need to get some food in the house, can you please go buy x,y,z at the store, that would help us out a lot"

I am on family overload :(. ( vent)

Re: I am on family overload :(. ( vent)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards