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December 2011 Moms
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LO is an ageist. Is there any solution?

emilyerin13emilyerin13
in December 2011 Moms

When MIL and FIL were here in May, DS tolerated them holding him and interacting with him.  When they visited a month later he screamed when MIL tried to hold him so FIL didn't even attempt to get near him.  MIL and FIL are 79/81YO.  This is more than separation anxiety because it happens whether I am in the room or holding him.  We've been out shopping and when an older person says hello he immediately starts fussing and leans toward me and a few times he's started to cry quite hard.  We have a very sweet and old neighbor lady (she's 96 and still lives on her own) who brought us homemade Kringla the other day.  She didn't even get within 6 feet of him (we were outside playing) and he started to cry.  I don't know when MIL and FIL are coming to visit again, likely soon (they live 500 miles away) and I'm worried that DS will cry the entire time.  Even though MIL/FIL drive me nuts, how could we explain that their grandson doesn't want to be near them because they are old?  My kids are their only two grandkids and there will be no more.  My parents are 20+ years YOUNGER than my ILs.  In general, anyone that looks 70YO+ is met with worrisome looks and fusses/cries while he smiles and babbles when "younger" people speak to him. 

Anyone else in this situation with LO?  Any suggestions? 

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Re: LO is an ageist. Is there any solution?

  • Happily OverwhelmedHappily Overwhelmed member

    Mmmm... kind of.

    DS HATES my father. It's to the point where he hears him talk, cough, sneeze in another room and DS goes ballistic. He has problems catching his breath from panic crying.

    My father is 63---but probably looks much older? (bald, somewhat fragile looking). If DS sees similar older people out in public he watches them very closely and holds on tight.

    My inlaws are older---but they're heavyset people and don't come off as that fragile...going to break older people. DS tolerates them better...even though he seems iffy with MIL---but everyone I know seems iffy with her so I don't read into it. 

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  • Happily OverwhelmedHappily Overwhelmed member

    Adding...

    I haven't really found a solution. I do try and laugh purposely (more focus on him, get his attention and smile and giggle). It's helped...I think it makes him know I think it's okay? But I think we're a LONG way from my father ever holding or coming very close to him. 

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  • browneyedgoilbrowneyedgoil member
    my DD has this but with men mostly- she even did it to our pedi. What I do if it's a family member, is hug the person & have the person smile at her. Let them stay in the room, it can take up to 30 minutes for her to feel comfortable. She is getting a lot better so it's normal & they do outgrow it, tons of elderly come up to her at the supermarket and now she just stares & observes them instead of screaming & hysterically crying in fear. i think being scared of elderly is normal because they don't really "look the same". they have gray hair, wrinkly, etc. i think i even read in what to expect the first year that it's normal. In 2 of the parenting books I'm reading, it says it's very normal & don't force your LO to go to them. Comfort him/her & just explain this is a normal phase they have with anyone other than mommy/daddy to make the person feel better. When they see someone they haven't seen before, they are now scanning their brains to see if they remember that face & if they don't, it is scary to them. You can also make a photo album of pictures of the IL's and other elderly people & show them to him while he's comfortable with you. I started doing this with youtube video's of dogs b/c DD is petrified & it actually has helped. 
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  • guccikatguccikat member
    DD is normally really good when she sees unfamiliar faces.. She will cling onto me a little harder but rarely cries due to separation anxiety.. Except when she sees my 90yr old grandpa.. She has seen him at least 10 times and still each time he comes near her she has a complete meltdown.. I think it's because he looks so different from everyone else.. Wrinkles, white hair, no hair.. That throws her off..
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