Nurses asking about fertility?

Capri22 · August 2012

I know this has been brought up at some point since I have been reading this board, but I wanted to hear other MoMs thoughts on this topic. I was admitted to L&D last night for some complications, but mainly to get some additional testing done. I must have had four nurses ask me if my twins were "natural" during my stay. Granted, the doctor on call asked - which I was okay with - but the whole questioning by the nurses now seems to be a bit intrusive and nosey. I was actually up in the middle of the night thinking about this, and getting a bit angry that I was polite and answered their questions. My husband even remarked that the nurse who checked us out even asked - and she didnt even have anything to do with my actual medical treatment!

Do these nurses need to know? I almost wanted to say "Why do you ask?" but didnt have the nerve to do so.

Not sure why I am so sensitive about this lately - i should be used to this by now. I am blaming the hormones

Scorpgirl444 · August 2012

All I can say is...get used to it. This happened to me as well. When I went back for my gall bladder surgery 3 weeks later and it was known that I had just had twins, those nurses asked as well.

People in stores ask me also. It's really just never ending.

Capri22 · August 2012

Agreed ... but my question is more along the lines of - do nurses really need to know, for medical purposes? Or is it just people being nosey?

JenLC99 · August 2012

I bonked Julia's head on a door frame a few weeks ago and per the pediatrician's request took her to the ER (everything was totally fine, BTW); and the pediatric nurse who did her intake asked if she and her brother were "natural" twins. I took Clomid to get pregnant but I just said yes. I always say yes, because they were conceived naturally. I consider conceiving unnaturally to be alien impregnation or some weird sci-fi thing.

Capri22 · August 2012

JenL - I love your thinking!!!!!

bearfootz · August 2012

Capri22:

Agreed ... but my question is more along the lines of - do nurses really need to know, for medical purposes? Or is it just people being nosey?

There are concerns at the beginning of the pregnancy because of higher risk of miscarriage associated with ivf. (correct me if I'm wrong, I believe that is what ob said when he asked me)

But I think sometimes the nurses just want to know because they are curious. When my lactation consultant asked it was because sometime fertility issues can be linked to milk supply issues. But when the post-partum nurse asked if we knew we were having twins - seemingly oblivious to pregnant women having an u/s - I considered changing hospitals.

MelleTX · August 2012

I got this question the other day. I am still getting used to it. At first I would just respond with "IVF" and that shut them up, but now I respond with "as opposed to..." but I say it all drawn out like they need to give me their idea of what not natural is.

The I really throw them off when they figure out I am single. LOL!

Capri22 · August 2012

Melle - I love your response. And good for you for throwing off people when they find out you are single. I think you are amazing for doing what you are doing!!!

hayleydeee · August 2012

MelleTX:
I got this question the other day. I am still getting used to it. At first I would just respond with "IVF" and that shut them up, but now I respond with "as opposed to..." but I say it all drawn out like they need to give me their idea of what not natural is.
The I really throw them off when they figure out I am single. LOL!

Love this. As opposed to SUPER natural I guess. Will remember that next time I get that question.

I was in the hospital for a week with preterm labor, and then again for the c-section for 4 days. Not a single nurse ever asked me that question. I wonder if the hospital instructed them not to, or maybe the info was already available on a chart somewhere or something. Weird.

Ruthie04 · August 2012

I worked on L&D and they always made note of any fertility treatment used on the patient's chart. Not really sure if they HAVE to know, but there are a couple of medical reasons that could come into play (past surgical hx if a lap or IVF was used). In the literature I have read about the topic, it seems that there has been some evidence of increased complications with any fertility treatments. But, the medical community can't be sure if the complications are related to the treatment used or if they are due to the cause of the infertility. For example, was it poor sperm quality itself that caused the congenital heart issue, or was it because the couple used IVF with ICSI to conceive?

I think a lot of the general questions are due to curiosity and I did hear some pretty negative comments amongst staff when fertility treatments were used. But, I will say- quite a few of the nurses treated the patients with a little more TLC when infertility had been a factor.

Capri22 · August 2012

Hayley - how interesting they didnt ask ....

Capri22 · August 2012

RWMomma:

The nurses (and everyone else who asks) are just trying to make polite conversation. They don't know you, so they can't ask things like "how is the new house coming along?" They know you have twins and that question is a good conversation starter. If you don't like it, simply say "that is a bit personal, thanks for asking though."

Plus, may of those people may have hoped to have twins themselves and were not blessed with them. Be grateful that people understand what a blessing multiples are. Not everyone is so blessed.

I like this way of thinking

Capri22 · August 2012

Ruthie04:

I worked on L&D and they always made note of any fertility treatment used on the patient's chart. Not really sure if they HAVE to know, but there are a couple of medical reasons that could come into play (past surgical hx if a lap or IVF was used). In the literature I have read about the topic, it seems that there has been some evidence of increased complications with any fertility treatments. But, the medical community can't be sure if the complications are related to the treatment used or if they are due to the cause of the infertility. For example, was it poor sperm quality itself that caused the congenital heart issue, or was it because the couple used IVF with ICSI to conceive?

I think a lot of the general questions are due to curiosity and I did hear some pretty negative comments amongst staff when fertility treatments were used. But, I will say- quite a few of the nurses treated the patients with a little more TLC when infertility had been a factor.

thanks for sharing that ...

lynn0926 · August 2012

I have not outed myself yet to people who don't know my situation. I already have my reponse ready...."it was our lucky month". To the do twins run in your family, it will be, "they do now". I am putting myself on a wait list at my friend's daycare provider, and the provider asked my friend if we did fertility. Really?! LOL!

projectbaby2012 · August 2012

I wouldn't think too much about it. This is just what people tend to ask when the find out that you are carrying twins.

I get this everywhere - from my time at L&D for PTL to people at the grocery store. The more tactful people phrase it "do twins run in your family"? I think it's all just curiosity. Even though twins are more common now than ever, they are still such a special occurrence and people are curious.

snoangel79 · August 2012

Ruthie04:
I worked on L&D and they always made note of any fertility treatment used on the patient's chart. Not really sure if they HAVE to know, but there are a couple of medical reasons that could come into play (past surgical hx if a lap or IVF was used). In the literature I have read about the topic, it seems that there has been some evidence of increased complications with any fertility treatments. But, the medical community can't be sure if the complications are related to the treatment used or if they are due to the cause of the infertility. For example, was it poor sperm quality itself that caused the congenital heart issue, or was it because the couple used IVF with ICSI to conceive?
I think a lot of the general questions are due to curiosity and I did hear some pretty negative comments amongst staff when fertility treatments were used. But, I will say- quite a few of the nurses treated the patients with a little more TLC when infertility had been a factor.

I work in L&D also (in cord blood donation). The only time nurses at my hospital give side eyes to fertility tx is when the patient is older than 45. I had fertility tx and donor eggs (I was 32), this was because of prior cancer tx took my fertility. When people find out my story I never got a side eye for using fertility tx to get pregnant.

MelleTX · August 2012

Capri22:
Melle - I love your response. And good for you for throwing off people when they find out you are single. I think you are amazing for doing what you are doing!!!

Thank you!

Apparently, I get a "pass" for using fertility treatments since I am single. And truthfully, not one person has said anything (to my face) about choosing to be a single parent. Maybe because I am 39. I don't know. I am sure some people talk behind my back, but I don't hear it.

I don't care, but part of me is waiting for the chance to defend my choice to a nosy stranger.

It gives me hope that my daughters will never have to "explain" their family dynamic to judgmental strangers either.

mars724 · August 2012

People ask me this all the time. It's annoying, but I can't get mad at every random person I see. I just smile and say yes, and think it would be really awkward if I had struggled with infertility and some *** asked me this. Iid get way more mad.

mrsseguin · August 2012

::budding into post::

I'm an L&D nurse, I actually have never asked a patient this, it just seems like "why does it matter" type thing. However, on a birth certificate form that we are required to fill out, it is a question on there. I usually look at the papers from the doctors office, this type of info is usually on there. If it isn't I assume there was no fertility treatments done. Some people are just nosey, especially if they didn't have part in caring for you.

alice2Bcheshire · August 2012

No one has ever asked me that directly, but I have been asked whether twins run in my family. When I say no, I'm sure the assumption is that we used fertility assistance (even though our twins are spontaneous), but I don't really spend too much time worrying about it.

Fancy3Face · August 2012

I went on hosp bed rest (for 4 weeks) @ 32w and IVF was listed in my chart. My RE and OB are in the same hospital system (same building complex), so I assumed it carried from office to office in their mutual patient portal.

A crazy amount of nurses asked me about my cycle, diagnosis, protocol, etc. Mostly, they were struggling themselves and saw it in my chart. I referred a ton of nurses to my amazing RE! I do believe it was in my chart b/c of the potential increase of pg complications IVF brings to the table, but I never really asked.

MelleTX · August 2012

See, that's the dilemma. How do you know if someone is asking because they are nosy or because they are also struggling? If i know someone else is pursuing treatments, I open up like a book. I really feel like we made a lot of mistakes in being so conservative up front. I wish I had had someone to talk to about it when I was going through it. If someone tells me they are also doing treatment, I will answer anything they ask, pretty much.

Mrs. Alice · August 2012

This is my take being a nurse and a MoM (not in OB): I honestly think they just trying to be friendly and make conversation to learn more about you. Sure some are probably curious as most people are, but I don't think any of them mean harm by it. I think if we set an example of using the preferred terminology of "spontaneous" instead of "natural" it might not be as offensive. I think there is a difference in a nurse asking as opposed to a stranger even if it has nothing to do with your medical care. I'm surprised it's not listed on your chart. By the way I got asked the "natural" question quite a bit when I was in the hospital. Unfortunately the line of questioning comes with being a MoM and it's just something you have to get used to.

Bel4780 · August 2012

I think we are going to get this question regardless of who, what, when, where, etc. I am a RN myself and frankly they don't teach specific fertility stuff in nursing school, I had to do a ton of research myself when going through it, so I'm only assumming it may be the curosity of learning something new. I know I ask my patients all the time about different diseases and such that I don't know about as to help me in the future. AND...with the higher prevelance of multiples these days due to some of us having to use fertility treatments, it is more likely they are from treatments vs. natural.

Heck, if you didn't have to go through treatments consider yourself EXTRA lucky, blessed, etc and answer the question proudly with "they are NATURAL!"

LucyRicardo3 · August 2012

Not one nurse ever asked me with my singletons "Was he/she natural?" but I get asked that every single time with the twins.

Bel4780 · August 2012

MrsLee04:
Bel4780:

Heck, if you didn't have to go through treatments consider yourself EXTRA lucky, blessed, etc and answer the question proudly with "they are NATURAL!"

Umm... mine are natural. They just happen to have been conceived thanks to IVF. And it's not cool to imply you should only be proud if your children were conceived without medical assistance.

You may have read in to that a little too much because by no means did I mean to or imply that "you should only be proud if your children were conceived without medical assistance." Whoa! All I am saying is that in the term "natural" as most people are using when asking "Are they natural or not?" be proud regardless and don't worry about the questioning because it's going to happen. Similar to everyone and everyone asking if they are fraternal or identical. If you read my siggie you will clearly see that my children are not "natural" but yes, sometimes I get a bit snarky and answer "aren't all babies natural?!" AND, you have no idea how PROUD I am of my DD and my future boys, regardless of how they got here.

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