If you know you are done having kids....

srbmvp · August 2012

Do you ever feel sad about the decision?

DH and I are in complete agreement that we are done, for so many reasons. Heck, our original plan was to only have two kids total! Heehee.

That being said, I can't help but feel so sad about the idea of not having anymore babies. Which is crazy b/c I know stopping is what's best for our family, I don't think I could handle a 3rd high risk pregnancy, I can't go through the newborn phase again, I want my body back someday soon after going on 3 years of nonstop pregnancy or BFing, etc, etc.

But when I put away clothes that are outgrown, knowing their next stop is a yard sale, it just makes me so sad..... I know I'll get over it, and just look forward to my brother and his new wife giving me nieces or nephews, there's probably a lot of hormones affecting me right now....

Did anyone else feel this way?

nghithy · August 2012

I'm due in couple of weeks with our 2nd and 3rd child. Like you, we planned for only 2. I have decided to get a csection and tide my tubes too. I am 100 percent sure we can not afford anymore kids nor do I want to go through the baby phase again in 3 years. I still however feel like I might regret my decision. What happens if I decide to have another one. Its a tough decision but I know its best for my family. I don't believe in having too many kids than we can handle. Its not fair for them when we can not provide them with what they need.

jquirke9881 · August 2012

Yes I feel sad about it and I am still pregnant. We had agreed on 2 and I had always hoped for 3. The twins will make 3. I am not even sure if it is that I actually would even want a 4th child or just the knowing that we will be done. I can't understand it.

Rynleigh · August 2012

There is an instinctual drive in most people that underlies our conscious will.. as long as you are young enough to be able to bear children, that feeling of regret and stress can follow you around for a little while, whether you have no children or ten. It's a natural biological emotion rooted in survival of the species

But there is nothing on a logical or personal level that you should feel bad about. If you are ready to be done and enjoy the lives of the children you already have now - that's an amazing choice to make and one you should feel proud of. If and when your own children decide to have kids, you can enjoy those babies without risking your own health or sanity.

Having twins gives me one more than I'd really wanted, but I'm getting two sons out of the deal, so despite the health issues I'm going through right now, this last ride is worth it - but between my two girls and my upcoming boys, I am absolutely 100% done. I neither want to, nor do I have any business bringing more kids into this world I'm sure that I'll feel a bit of animalistic distress over permanently ending my own fertility, but if I decide to keep these ovaries AND get pregnant again, I would be putting my family at risk... not to mention the expenses that I'll already have to work doubly hard to cover without having more children.

hayleydeee · August 2012

Rynleigh:
There is an instinctual drive in most people that underlies our conscious will.. as long as you are young enough to be able to bear children, that feeling of regret and stress can follow you around for a little while, whether you have no children or ten. It's a natural biological emotion rooted in survival of the species

Thank you! This was so good to read. Lately I've been feeling waves of baby fever, and can't figure out why. While I'm not 100% decided on having another or not, logically it seems impossible right now. So, I've been wondering what the heck is wrong with me!

Breezy8407 · August 2012

Yes. I went through clothes last weekend and can't believe my little (now big!) guy is growing out of all his 3 month stuff. I was sad packing it all up for a friend. I told her I have more clothes for her and she said she has sme to give back already. I said keep them for the next baby. She said are you sure?

I still feel sad sometimes knowing I will never breastfeed again or snuggle a tiny newborn of my own. Logically, financially, selfishly, emotionally, I know we are done. We only wanted two so this worked out perfectly for me. Plus, the chance we could have twins again scares the crap out of me. Not that I don't love my babies more than words can say, but this is still hard most days.

Selfishly I am looking forward to getting back to running 1/2's and maybe a full marathon someday, finishing some career goals, and spending some time with just the two of us.

kiwi443 · August 2012

Yes! We are 100% done and our family feels complete, but I get these little pangs of sadness every once in awhile...especially as my girls are no longer itty bitties. I visited a friend and her newborn in the hospital last week and it was a different experience going into the maternity ward knowing that I'll never be there again as the mother of a brand-new baby. I cried on the way home.

JenLC99 · August 2012

I feel sad that I will never be pregnant again, never give birth or breastfeed again, never sleep with my newborn on my chest . . . but I am also really ready to be past the little baby stage and get on with life! Also ready to lose weight and get my body back!

leapgirl8 · August 2012

We are putting off a final decision until they are 1 year old, but we both feel like we're probably done. It's a bit of a surprise because I always wanted 3, but I don't feel sad when I think about not having more, and that's my biggest clue that we're probably done. I feel like our family is already complete and stopping here will give us the chance to really give our all to them - financially and otherwise. And honestly, one trip through pregnancy and the newborn stage was enough for our family. It would absolutely be worth it to do it again if we strongly felt that we wanted more, but at least for the moment we don't feel that way.

leapgirl8 · August 2012

MrsLee04:
Honestly, no. I like having kids so much more than having babies. Mine are starting K this coming week and it's been so much fun getting ready. I just enjoy them so much more now.

I have a feeling this will be me!

lmydogally · August 2012

I'm sad that we waited so long to have kids. If I was still in my 20's or even early 30's, I would have at least one more. But in other ways, I feel like these were exactly the children I was supposed to have and that me and my girls will always have this amazing bond and that's all I need.

ColleenS629 · August 2012

leapgirl8:
We are putting off a final decision until they are 1 year old, but we both feel like we're probably done. It's a bit of a surprise because I always wanted 3, but I don't feel sad when I think about not having more, and that's my biggest clue that we're probably done. I feel like our family is already complete and stopping here will give us the chance to really give our all to them - financially and otherwise. And honestly, one trip through pregnancy and the newborn stage was enough for our family. It would absolutely be worth it to do it again if we strongly felt that we wanted more, but at least for the moment we don't feel that way.

This is how I felt when my boys were your LOs' age. We had only planned on having 2. DH wanted another, though. I kept it in the back of my mind and now I am getting kind of excited about the thought of a third... something I never wanted and something I never thought I'd say.

regenab · August 2012

Yes, but mainly because the twins were my 1 and only pregnancy. I would love to experience having a singleton pregnancy and only 1 baby at a time. Being able to have that easy bonding experience instead of feeling like I may not survive another day of taking care of newborn twins. Stick out tongue I know even a singleton pregnancy and baby can be challenging, but I would love to have the chance. But DH and I agreed it is best for our family to only have the 2 girls. Right now we can afford for me to stay at home with them and put money away for college for them every month. We live comfortably on my DH's salary alone. If we were to have another baby it would totally change our financial outlook. And I just don't feel comfortable putting my family at financial risk because I want to have another baby. Also with a 3rd child I would need to go back to work since I don't see how we could make it on DH's salary alone. I love being home with my girls and I would want to be home with a new baby as well, not putting them all in daycare/before and aftercare for school.

So yes, I do long for another baby. But I am very happy with my family of 4. It will probably get easier in a few more years when they are in school full time, I will never want to go back to the diaper stage again. At least not until I am a grandma.

Breezy8407 · August 2012

leapgirl8:
MrsLee04:
Honestly, no. I like having kids so much more than having babies. Mine are starting K this coming week and it's been so much fun getting ready. I just enjoy them so much more now.
I have a feeling this will be me!

Same here. I got excited yesterday when we were out shopping and seeing all the back to school clothes. I loved going back to school shopping with my Mom and can't wait to take my DD

I'm even looking forward to next summer when we can do things like family bike rides and take them in the double jogger.

ppants · August 2012

My twins are 6.5 now. I always said that if we'd have more that we would by the time they were 5. They were spontaneous also so there's no guarantee we'd have "just one more". I watched a friend's baby a few months ago and I can now say we're 100% done. I don't want to start all over. Plus we are building a home, saving for college, etc. Kids cost $$. I do have sad moments about them getting bigger, but that would happen regardless I think.

juliagulia322 · August 2012

We are done! Like a few previous posters said I'm a little sad that I will never be pregnant again and if I had a singleton I feel that maybe not as much would be a blur in the newborn stage. The boys becoming 2 soon I can't even imagine having another baby since they are all over the place and so active. I love my boys more than anything and am very happy with my family of four. I just started listing baby stuff on craigslist so it is becoming a pretty final decision. It was a little sad putting up their stuff but am excited to watch my boys grow:)

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