2nd time moms I have a ? come hither.

Ashley Pharez · December 2008

When did it hit your DH that there was really a human being coming into the world soon? ?And did your DH change for the better once your DC was born? ?Everyone keeps telling me DH will be completely in love and different once the baby is actually here. ?I'm hoping they are right. ?TIA.

OH and is everything hunky happy doory at least for a little while between you and Dh once the baby is born? ?I know it doesn't last forever and a baby doesn't make a realtionship perfect but was it complete bliss at all like it's protrayed out to be??

Sxia · December 2008

Um, no, I would not say it's bliss. I would say that after baby is born, DH needs to step up to the plate and take care of YOU. After DD was born, I really needed DH. He changed almost all the diapers at first, and yes, he was in love at first sight. I remember him holding her a couple hours after she was born. All of us were sitting in my hospital room, I was resting, and he was just sitting, holding her and staring and just looked at me with tears in his eyes. Every once in a while, you and DH will just look at your baby and think "Oh, my god. We made this." However, it is not bliss. It is a huge adjustment. (And my DH was a guy who always wanted children, loved them, and talked to my belly when I was pregnant.)

Kyla Sisco · December 2008

It really hit my honey when he started seeing my bump grow. Plus, he's super excited it's a boy! He has always been great with kids and he just seems to keep getting better and better. Yes your honey will be completely in love, maybe more with the baby than with you (LOL hopefully not). About being complete bliss. I think it's more bliss towards the little bundle. You must really really work to keep things good between you because between the sleepless nights, mounds of laundry, constant spit up and work - things can get a little tense. I make sure to be romantic and thankful to my honey any chance I get to remind him it's not all about the kids and I do appreciate everything he does! It keeps things really good between us in all aspects of our relationship.

Andys_Candy · December 2008

DH was completely in love with the baby before she was even conceived it seemed like hahaha! He was definitely MORE in love with her when she was born and now "in love" is an understatement

as far as "bliss" after a new baby comes home...it is and it isn't. Recovering from childbirth, being up all night w/ a crying newborn, and dealing with breastfeeding is a LOT to handle, not to mention how crappy I felt about my body...ya know?? But then again you feel SO blessed to have a healthy baby and relieved you actually made it through pregnancy and delivery in one piece and you do feel closer to DH...So yes, it's a happy time but I wouldn't call it "blissful" if that makes sense. I cried a lot that first month...not because anything was particularly wrong, I just felt kinda "ugh" with it all. Ok this isn't coming out right but hopefully you get what I'm saying Actually, now that I think about it, the 2 or 3 days/nights in the hospital were blissful...but coming home was not They are good times and make for fond memories, but at the time I did not feel the puppies and rainbows that some people talk about! I certainly wasn't UNhappy or miserable though...

JOEBunny · December 2008

My DH started to enjoy DD when she turned 2 years old. He found her frustrating before that. She is a super mama's girl, so that part was hard for him, but her lack of ability to do things and communicate was hard on him. He ask if this one could be born two years old. I did/do most of the work with DD, so it works out ok for us.

skaplan000 · December 2008

DH told me it hit him when he got a call at work that I was in labor and he had to meet me at the hospital. He said he started to cry on the way there. DH did change, I saw a more sensitive and caring side to him. Everything is still hunky doory, we are so compatible for each other that we rarely argue. My cousin on the other hand thinks her "baby daddy" is going to stop partying as much once the baby comes, like thats going to happen. I hope her example is not what you meant by changing for the better.

newmom2b · December 2008

I would say the bliss lasted until complete and utter exhaustion kicked in. I would say that took a couple of weeks. After that it was a rough few months at least. The biggest thing I learned is that if I wanted something done (like picking up around the house a bit, helping with dinner, cleaning up the table, etc.) I needed to ask specifically for that help. I kept waiting for DH to see the need himself and offer. It doesn't happen that way.

JillShari · December 2008

I'm not going to sugar coat or lie. The whole first year after my DS was born was the most difficult time hof our entire marriage. I would say that our relationship was never tested more than in that one year and for a relationship that had never really had shaky ground, it was scary. Our communication which I thought was terrific, needed reworking, our compromising needed upgrading and our ability to work together and work as a team had never seen such a challenge. You are sleep deprived which makes everything worse. You never truly know how much work a tiny baby is, until they are there. There were days that I couldn't put him down for a second to even go to the bathroom, so I went holding him... and dinner wasn't made or clothes or house cleaned and it was ok. I was sooo lucky that my DH truly admired what I have done day in and day out as my job 24/7 as a mom and never put me down for it or asked for me to do more than I was capable of.

My DH bonded with my son on the 6 weeks U/S we had. His face literally lit up like a Christmas tree and I fell in love with him all over again. It actually took me a lot longer to realize that my dream of having a little person to take care of and love was really real.

Honestly, if you are wondering if your relationship gets stronger because of this bundle you both love... if you can both work through all the issues together than, yes. I think my marriage is stronger after coming out the other end of the challenge we faced. But, if there are any issues in your relationship, they are magnified and can be really difficult. A few people I know are in counseling now to try and save their marriages that are still stressed and their kids are 3 years old. So, if there are problems that exist at the moment....get to a counselor immediately and try your best to improve your skills as a couple before the baby comes between it all.

I'm not flaming at all..... just being brutally honest.

Chrisy-Wyobride · December 2008

It started hitting him when we had the big U/S but not really until she was born (for #1). My DH was pretty good w/ #1 but I did everything thinking since I wasn't working, I should. He was pretty crazy about them at birth & there was a bit of a honeymoon period. DH never had to get up in the middle of the night w/ #1 & basically just held her when I cooked dinner, etc. With #2, I just couldn't do it all (& she was colicky) so he pitched in & helped tons...and he became so bonded attached to #2. He really enjoyed it when they got older (1-2yrs) and could talk, play, laugh at him, etc. He's really turning out to be an awesome Dad. But it was very hard in the thick of infancy w/ a colicky child who cries so much. But yeah, in the hospital it was bliss...but that only lasts a couple days--LOL!

wellfleet04 · December 2008

Hmmm...I don't know about "blissful." My DH fell in love with Kate at our 20 wk u/s when he found out he was having a little girl, and he was WONDERFUL in the first few weeks after we had her, but the first 4 months or so having a newborn around is VERY hard. On you, on him, on your marriage.

I had trouble BFing, so I was stressed and really emotional. Tiny babies are just so much work, you aren't sleeping, and they don't interact with you. After the honeymoon of "ohmigod we have a baby isn't it great" wore off, I would say the first few months of no sleep, constant diapers, maintenance, etc were the hardest on our marriage. Once Kate started sleeping, and even more so when she started communicating (not even talking, but smiling, laughing, interacting with us) things got a lot better, but I'm not going to lie, it was HARD. And we have a great relationship and were very much excited and ready for kids.

22laura · December 2008

DH didn't connect with my pregnancy AT ALL. He just couldn't understand something that wasn't happening to him. The second I was in labor, he was AMAZING!!!

He was wonderful and our relationship was great for the first few months. But then we hit a BIG TIME low. I can't remember exactly what months. But it put a huge strain on our marriage. Someone who had a baby the same time as me (for the first time) went through the same thing. Constantly fighting with her DH. I actually cried A LOT and thought, "I can't believe I had a baby with him when we should be getting a divorce." I think it's quite normal to go through a rough patch after such a huge life change. Unfortunately, people only tell the stories of how wonderful things are. Engagement, marriage, pregnancy, etc., No one ever admits to what life is really like.

All that being said. After hitting an all time low in July DH and I are the best we've ever been. We are wonderful co=parents, friends, and are closer that ever. Life has it's ups and downs. that's just the way it is. Don't be expecting euphoria following the birth of your child. Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst.

Bdaisy · December 2008

Not quite, at the 20 wk ultrasound he got excited because it was a boy, and he would help decorated the room, like painting and stuff, but he was SCARED!! My 1st Pg was a surprise so that could be part of it as well. The first 3 months were HORRIBLE!! Pretty much I told him he could leave and we needed to sell the house and split the $$. So he stepped up and ever since then he has been wonderful! We are expecting our 2nd, which we tried for, and he is excited, sometimes I think more excited than I am! I think maybe he thought that babies stayed babies for a long time, he has so much fun with our son and our relationship is stronger. Now I am sure that me being so sleep deprived and haveing a baby that screamed all the time didnt help, but now things are good. IT does change your relationship and put a strain on it until you get used to the adjustment.

britti<3 · December 2008

It hit DH when we were in the hospital and i was mad at him because i was in labor. It all became real. And our relationship was great before DD but we both agree she has made it better. He likes to use her against me because they're buddies.

hilltop · December 2008

I do not know when it really hit Dh. I think there were just several moments of "Wow, I am really a dad now."

No, Dh did not change for the better after DC was born. He is a wonderful dad but he is not good with newborns. I did 90% of the work and he did maybe 10%. Now that Ds is over one year old it is more like 60/40. However he has always been so in love with Ds. He even teared up after the delivery.

Things have definitely not been happy hunky doory since having DS. There have been many tears shed. Being a parent is hard. It is WONDERFUL but hard.

I hope I do not sound to harsh. I love DH very much. He is my best friend. Hey, we are even choosing to do it all over again w/ DC #2. We just had to work really hard at our relationship the first year of Ds's life. It was a major life change for everyone. Definitely not a fairytale.

hilltop · December 2008

BTW it is good to see another Alabama girl. I am in the Bham area. What about you?

ghbride · December 2008

Baby number one he did not get it at all until I went into labor...

This one he knows he is in for a overflow of emotions

It is great in a lot of ways but for us it has added as much stress as joy (being parents) worth it, but definately not all hunky dorey....Lots of stress but of course your talking to a pregnant teething two year old boys mother soooo I may be a little more stressed than norm....

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