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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
PrimRoseMama
member
Temper Tantrums?
PrimRoseMama
member
How early is too early for them to start? DD just started flipping her shizz if she doesn't get things she wants. For example, she is obsessed with my phone and if I don't let her play with it (its my only contact device lol) she melts down.
I feel like every little thing these days is going to result in her getting upset about not getting something she wants. I am being firm, but if I say "no" she cries. I still don't give in. If she throws a tantrum I remove her to another location and distract her with something else.
I know its too early for time out (I read you can start those at 1 year. 1 minute per year of the child) but its a lot of drama that just started. I know she understands and have tried some sign language. She would rather just flap her little arms and cry at me instead of use the signs.
Help?
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Re: Temper Tantrums?
I think what you're doing is fine. By this age they can understand cause and effect. I try to explain to my parents that if they continue to give back the object when he cries he'll associate crying with getting the object back. I wouldn't recommend doing TOs at 12 months. Developmentally children are unable to reflect on their bad behavior at this age, which is the purpose of TOs. The earliest you would want to wait is 18 months but even though I don't think TOs are as successful if you truly want to use it for what it's meant.
We enforce "cool downs" in place of TOs. Whenever DD is doing something we asked her to stop doing we will remove that item and if she goes ballistic we'll tell her to go cool down. We have even taught her to take deep breaths. It is like a TO since she goes to a corner but the purpose is for her to calm herself down. It's just frustration on her part so if that means she needs to take a breather to collect herself than so be it. Putting her in TO to punish her for doing something that may not be due to her being bad is pointless. Most toddlers act the way they do out of frustration for not being able to verbally express their feelings and needs. So to punish your child for not having the tools to communicate with you is unfair and sends the wrong message.
I'm sure many parents will say they put their 1 y/o or even 2 y/o in TOs and they get it. What they "get" is cause and effect. Sure, they may realize that hitting you will mean a TO but they are unable to reflect that they shouldn't do this. Next thing you know a week later they're doing the same thing.
My guy's been doing this for a couple months now. We call it "the saddest baby in the world" routine, but his pediatrician called it a tantrum when I mentioned it at his 9 month appointment.
He looks at you, bursts into tears, and then throws his whole body to the floor. This happens when I don't let him eat something that isn't food, when I take away something dangerous, when I don't let him touch the hot oven, when I don't let him slam his fingers in the door.....
Like you I repeat why he can't (eat the dog's food, play with a knife, burn his hand, break his fingers), and redirect him to something else.
Ha, DH and I do something similar
We talk over the screaming about how hard it is to be 11 months old. Just such a rough life 
Both of my girls perfected their tantrums by about 10-11 months - throwing themselves face down on the floor and screaming while flailing their little arms and legs. It bothered me when DD1 first started, but now I actually find it a little funny to see them trying to hard to get their way. As long as the situation is safe, I usually ignore the tantrum. DD2 will be done in 30 seconds if I walk away, but any attention keeps her going. If it's an unsafe situation, I remove her and let her get it out someplace safe.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011