Feeling stressed and worried after first appointment :( (long!)

JBDamonM · August 2012

So yesterday was my first appointment with my OB.

Since we did IVF - we saw the RE for an ultra sound last week at 6W5d. Everything looked pretty good, although baby was measuring one day behind, heart beat as 126.

When I called to make the first appointment with my OB, I was not overly thrilled that protocol was to be seen at 8 weeks by the nurse/midwife. However, I also know this is the norm with many practices, so I just went with it. I should note that DH And I are very spoiled from all the 1X1 attention you get with an RE (including having them do your ultra sounds directly and not a tech.)

So yesterday the tech did the ultra sound, everything looked great...... And baby was measuring right on track at 8 weeks (made up a day).... However, heartbeat was only 115 She explained this was a little low and that they like to see it btwn 120 and 160. Naturally both DH and I FREAKED (him actually way more than me).... Being that she was only a tech she couldn't really say much other than - "we'll watch that." After further discussions with the nurse (after they left us in this ridiculously small room for over a half hour and made us watch a video.) She told us while the HB is low, she's thrilled to see the baby measuring right on track, as the baby is clearly growing. And she agreed to have us come back next week for another ultra sound, but if the baby continued to measure on track with a low HB, she'd would treat us as if we're in the clear and just have a slow HB on our hands. She was pretty helpful in explaining things and seemed optimistic, until DH would ask her, is it ok to tell people and she'd answer "Well, I don't have a crystal ball." (I totally get this point - but do feel it could've been said in a more sensitive manner. This is where as a first time pregnant patient I would've really preferred meeting with my own dr for my first appointment.)

When we got home last night DH was NOT happy. He was carrying on and having quite the temper tantrum about how poorly he thought she handled it. Honestly I think he's just mad b/c she did not tell him exactly what he wanted to hear. He is really angry and wants me to switch OBs. I think that is a bit extereme seeing as there is no way possible this lady is going to be able to deliver our baby since she's not an MD. All in all, it was really pretty awful. Not the news I wanted to hear and the last thing I want to do is liten to my husband rant about it, continue to re-live the appointment and get all stressed and worked up.

Wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom for me on the HB? Anyone have a similiar experience? I take a lot of comfort in the fact that the baby is measuring on track, but in the back of mind can't shake the what if scenario that this could just be some kind of serious issue that we happened to catch at the very beginning and isn't going to be fixable

Why can't things just be easy?

PS - Kudos to you if you have read this entire post!

Mrs.Leah.Maria · August 2012

I can't really say about the HB, but as for switching OB's . . . I don't think she was necessarily out of line by stating she doesn't have a crystal ball, but you are paying for a service. If you have options and time to make additional appointments, there's no harm in finding an OB/clinic that you're really happy with.

teddib20 · August 2012

I won't be able to offer any advice about the HB either, but as far as DH goes... it could be that he is just stressed out and for obvious reasons. It's such a scary process and there are so many health factors to stress over.

Try to look at it from your OB's POV though, I'm sure she gets asked that question ALL the time and maybe that is her only way of answering. Do you think she could have been trying to be funny?

In any case, I wouldn't swtich OB's based on the one comment. It seemed like she did give you some peice of mind and some advice on what she thought. Have you had any other negative experiences with her?

On the other hand, keep your chin up as much as possible. I'll be praying for you that things level out soon.

branmuffin2112 · August 2012

Hey dear Smile On Tueday we had an US and heard the baby's HB @ 121 bpm and we measured 6w5d. A very very long and painful story short, we had to go back Wednesday morning b/c of a bleeding scare Tues night. Baby was/is fine but the HB had dropped to 105. DH and I were in your same situation. We were very concerned about it but our RE seemed confident that it was ok. He said the baby was clearly growing and the blood had not come from my uterus. He said I was under a lot of stress, anxiety, had not slept that night or eaten.

He said yes, of course he wants the HB to be over 120 (that is the norm) but as long as it doesn't drop below 80 then he is fine with 105 for now. I am going back on Wednesday to double check everything and we are believing God that the HB is exactly where it needs to be. I know that worrying about it is not going to make it better, it is not going to bake my baby stronger.

My nurse called yesterday morning to check on me and see if I had anymore bleeding and I asked her again about the HB. She asked me "Brandy, did you hear your baby's heartbeat?" and I said "yes...(insert tears)" and she replied "ok, that is all that matters right now. You're going to be ok." I know it's out of my hands so I'm just doing my best to take care of my body and the baby.

I will keep you and your little nugget in my prayers ((hugs))

ETA: My amazing RE who I love and respect so much said the same thing as your nurse about "watching it". He said it's just something to keep an eye or for now. Like I said, there is nothing a doctor or nurse can do to fix it. Though it's hard to just sit back and wait, that is just how the cookie crumbles for us right now.

JBDamonM · August 2012

branmuffin2112:

Hey dear On Tueday we had an US and heard the baby's HB @ 121 bpm and we measured 6w5d. A very very long and painful story short, we had to go back Wednesday morning b/c of a bleeding scare Tues night. Baby was/is fine but the HB had dropped to 105. DH and I were in your same situation. We were very concerned about it but our RE seemed confident that it was ok. He said the baby was clearly growing and the blood had not come from my uterus. He said I was under a lot of stress, anxiety, had not slept that night or eaten.

He said yes, of course he wants the HB to be over 120 (that is the norm) but as long as it doesn't drop below 80 then he is fine with 105 for now. I am going back on Wednesday to double check everything and we are believing God that the HB is exactly where it needs to be. I know that worrying about it is not going to make it better, it is not going to bake my baby stronger.

My nurse called yesterday morning to check on me and see if I had anymore bleeding and I asked her again about the HB. She asked me "Brandy, did you hear your baby's heartbeat?" and I said "yes...(insert tears)" and she replied "ok, that is all that matters right now. You're going to be ok." I know it's out of my hands so I'm just doing my best to take care of my body and the baby.

I will keep you and your little nugget in my prayers ((hugs))

ETA: My amazing RE who I love and respect so much said the same thing as your nurse about "watching it". He said it's just something to keep an eye or for now. Like I said, there is nothing a doctor or nurse can do to fix it. Though it's hard to just sit back and wait, that is just how the cookie crumbles for us right now.

I love you Bran!!!!!!!! This is exactly what I needed to hear!

It's funny b/c I literally think my husband was just bitter that we weren't with our RE in the first place. We adore him and he has a fantastic bedside manner. I am sure if we were with him while the end message would've been the same, he probably would've given us more info (like yours did) and been a little more re-assuring.

I'm keeping you in my prayers next week as well - big time!

If you need anything btwn now and then - you know where I am.

We will get through this!

branmuffin2112 · August 2012

JBDamonM:
branmuffin2112:

Hey dear On Tueday we had an US and heard the baby's HB @ 121 bpm and we measured 6w5d. A very very long and painful story short, we had to go back Wednesday morning b/c of a bleeding scare Tues night. Baby was/is fine but the HB had dropped to 105. DH and I were in your same situation. We were very concerned about it but our RE seemed confident that it was ok. He said the baby was clearly growing and the blood had not come from my uterus. He said I was under a lot of stress, anxiety, had not slept that night or eaten.

He said yes, of course he wants the HB to be over 120 (that is the norm) but as long as it doesn't drop below 80 then he is fine with 105 for now. I am going back on Wednesday to double check everything and we are believing God that the HB is exactly where it needs to be. I know that worrying about it is not going to make it better, it is not going to bake my baby stronger.

My nurse called yesterday morning to check on me and see if I had anymore bleeding and I asked her again about the HB. She asked me "Brandy, did you hear your baby's heartbeat?" and I said "yes...(insert tears)" and she replied "ok, that is all that matters right now. You're going to be ok." I know it's out of my hands so I'm just doing my best to take care of my body and the baby.

I will keep you and your little nugget in my prayers ((hugs))

ETA: My amazing RE who I love and respect so much said the same thing as your nurse about "watching it". He said it's just something to keep an eye or for now. Like I said, there is nothing a doctor or nurse can do to fix it. Though it's hard to just sit back and wait, that is just how the cookie crumbles for us right now.

I love you Bran!!!!!!!! This is exactly what I needed to hear!

It's funny b/c I literally think my husband was just bitter that we weren't with our RE in the first place. We adore him and he has a fantastic bedside manner. I am sure if we were with him while the end message would've been the same, he probably would've given us more info (like yours did) and been a little more re-assuring.

I'm keeping you in my prayers next week as well - big time!

If you need anything btwn now and then - you know where I am.

We will get through this!

Not that I'm glad either one of us is in this sitution, I'm really glad I could help. If I put myself in your shoes I would have wanted my RE too. Absolutely. But you're right, the outcome and situation may not be any different. But we (us IFers) have a special bond and trust with our RE. So I do get where YH is coming from, he wants the best care for you and baby. But from what I read, your OB nurse did a good job. If it was a real concern and threat she would have made you aware of it. She probably would have gotten an OB in there if it was serious.

We are going to get through this and make it to April 2013. I keep telling myself and the world "I refuse to lose this baby".

Also, Wednesday night we had Chinese for dinner and my fortune cookie said "your dearest wish will come true." I stuck it on the fridge w/our US photo Big Smile

JBDamonM · August 2012

teddidan:

I won't be able to offer any advice about the HB either, but as far as DH goes... it could be that he is just stressed out and for obvious reasons. It's such a scary process and there are so many health factors to stress over.

Try to look at it from your OB's POV though, I'm sure she gets asked that question ALL the time and maybe that is her only way of answering. Do you think she could have been trying to be funny?

In any case, I wouldn't swtich OB's based on the one comment. It seemed like she did give you some peice of mind and some advice on what she thought. Have you had any other negative experiences with her?

On the other hand, keep your chin up as much as possible. I'll be praying for you that things level out soon.

I completely agree with you on all counts!

I dont fault the OB at all. I expalined to DH that even RE would've had the same answer. He may have framed it a little more gentle but the message wouldve been the same.

I really like my actual OB. This was a nurse I'd never met and while I didn't love her, I didn't hate her either and I agree with you - she did give us some piece of mind and ultimately she did get us both down from the ledge..I told DH that I would not make any decision on possibly switching until we got through next week. I also told him I would not base my decision on a tech and nurse but rather on the doctors. With any luck we'll get through next week and once we go back to meet with my actual Ob he will come around. He's met her before when we went started the Infertility process and really liked her. I hope it's just his nerves talking.

RE patients get totally spoiled, you get tons of attention and b/c the scope of your pregnancy is so different you build a complete trust in your dr....DH just needs to understand the OB office will never be the same way. All in all I think I have a good practice - but may ask my RE if he has any reccomendations for a Dr who may specialize in IVF pregnancies. Can't hurt and it may give both DH and I more comfort moving forward!

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement! Much appreciated

JBDamonM · August 2012

branmuffin2112:
JBDamonM:
branmuffin2112:

Hey dear On Tueday we had an US and heard the baby's HB @ 121 bpm and we measured 6w5d. A very very long and painful story short, we had to go back Wednesday morning b/c of a bleeding scare Tues night. Baby was/is fine but the HB had dropped to 105. DH and I were in your same situation. We were very concerned about it but our RE seemed confident that it was ok. He said the baby was clearly growing and the blood had not come from my uterus. He said I was under a lot of stress, anxiety, had not slept that night or eaten.

He said yes, of course he wants the HB to be over 120 (that is the norm) but as long as it doesn't drop below 80 then he is fine with 105 for now. I am going back on Wednesday to double check everything and we are believing God that the HB is exactly where it needs to be. I know that worrying about it is not going to make it better, it is not going to bake my baby stronger.

My nurse called yesterday morning to check on me and see if I had anymore bleeding and I asked her again about the HB. She asked me "Brandy, did you hear your baby's heartbeat?" and I said "yes...(insert tears)" and she replied "ok, that is all that matters right now. You're going to be ok." I know it's out of my hands so I'm just doing my best to take care of my body and the baby.

I will keep you and your little nugget in my prayers ((hugs))

ETA: My amazing RE who I love and respect so much said the same thing as your nurse about "watching it". He said it's just something to keep an eye or for now. Like I said, there is nothing a doctor or nurse can do to fix it. Though it's hard to just sit back and wait, that is just how the cookie crumbles for us right now.

I love you Bran!!!!!!!! This is exactly what I needed to hear!

It's funny b/c I literally think my husband was just bitter that we weren't with our RE in the first place. We adore him and he has a fantastic bedside manner. I am sure if we were with him while the end message would've been the same, he probably would've given us more info (like yours did) and been a little more re-assuring.

I'm keeping you in my prayers next week as well - big time!

If you need anything btwn now and then - you know where I am.

We will get through this!

Not that I'm glad either one of us is in this sitution, I'm really glad I could help. If I put myself in your shoes I would have wanted my RE too. Absolutely. But you're right, the outcome and situation may not be any different. But we (us IFers) have a special bond and trust with our RE. So I do get where YH is coming from, he wants the best care for you and baby. But from what I read, your OB nurse did a good job. If it was a real concern and threat she would have made you aware of it. She probably would have gotten an OB in there if it was serious.

We are going to get through this and make it to April 2013. I keep telling myself and the world "I refuse to lose this baby".

Also, Wednesday night we had Chinese for dinner and my fortune cookie said "your dearest wish will come true." I stuck it on the fridge w/our US photo

This exactly!

I think the Ob nurse was fine. I also think if she was more alarmed she would've been more upfront AND she woudl've had us come back in less than a week just to listen to the heartbeat. Ya know? I have been thinking about asking my RE for a reccomendation for an OB that my specialize or has a lot of experience in IVF pregnancies. I really dont think I"ll switch but I'd be curious if he had any insight.

It sucks right now - but I knew I was going to hit speedbumps in these 9 months, hopefully we make it over this one.

BTW- if it makes you feel any better, my sister had spotting throguh both of her (successful) pregnancies. They never found much of a reason - in her second one they told her she had a weak cervix..... Hopefully yours is no big deal either. Has it stopped?

I agree with you that I need to be in a good mental state for the babys cause. So I packed up at lunch and came home to work in the comfort of my house this afternoon. I figured a little alone time may help my cause. Plus - I will probably sneak a nap in

branmuffin2112 · August 2012

I have a hematoma (a collection of blood) on top of my uterus Sad It isn't massive but it's enough to scare the crap out of me when it decides to leak out. I was certain I had lost the baby. Dr G said it may happen again but DH and I are really praying that it just dries up/absorbs into my body. It has stopped, I think I bled for about 7 hours and then it changed to dark brown. It was such a relief knowing it wasn't coming from my ute or the baby, our only concern was that the HB had gone down.

I go back on Wednesday to check on the kid again. I'll be nearly 8w then so I'm hoping for a good strong HB!!!

Asking your RE for a recommendation for an OB is not a bad idea. I'm not in love with mine and will probably switch. I'm waiting to see how things go on the first appointment on the 27th of Sept. I'm hoping to find a midwife anyway.

I hope you get a nap and some relaxation time!

JBDamonM · August 2012

YellowLilies:

No advice on the heatrate but I'm glad the office is being attentive and following up.

I agree with others that you should be with a provider you trust but I also feel teh MW did a fine job and really wouldn't have been able to answer that question any differently. Everyone has their own comfort level of when to share and that is not something the MW would know.

I did want to mention that the MW could deliver the baby. MW are highly trained in obstetrics and are allowed to handle normal vaginal births but cannot do c-sections. Both of my children were delivered by MW's and I never once doubted their skill in their care for me and my children. But I wanted to mention this because I gathered from your post you might not be aware that it is possible the MW may be on call when you go into labor. If this is not something you are ok with you may want to talk to the office about it.

Wow, I had no idea. Thank you for the clarification on this. That's an excellent point to add to the consideration!

sbonnie · August 2012

I don't have much advice. It seems like you're quite level-headed about the whole thing and are able to see things from other perspectives. Given it's something so close to your heart, that's pretty impressive at this point.

I will send my thoughts and prayers for a faster HB next week!

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