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September 2011 Moms
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NBR: Irrational Fear/Anxiety about Death

Daisy166Daisy166 member
in September 2011 Moms

I don't post too much, more of a lurker :)    But I think posting about this issue I'm having may help me to at least vent and hopefully get some advice.

Lately I've been having this horrible thoughts and worrying about people close to me dying - DH, kids, my parents, myself.  

I've dealt with generalized anxiety/panic since my early 20's.  Been on & off Meds and seen therapists.  I am on Lexapro right now.  Not for depression at all, 100% for anxiety.  The meds have managed my anxiety pretty well.

I think what possibly has triggered this irrational fear of death is the Febrile Seizure my 4 y/o son had about a month ago.   He was at home with the sitter b/c he was ill and could not go to DC and DH & I had to go to work.  Got a frantic call in the afternoon from sitter saying DS was not moving.   I told her to call 911 and I ran out of work and rushed home.  THose minutes of not knowing what was going on, if he was breathing or alive was the most horrific feeling ever.  Paramedics got there in minutes and I spoke to them on my way home and thank god he was going to be ok.  Fever spiked and caused the seizure. 

So since then I will have these random horrible thoughts where it will even bring me to tears thinking about something happening to my kids, losing my parents or my DH, etc.

I want to be so thankful for what I have now, my family and enjoy every minute and not worry or freak out every time LO's get a cold, etc.   But I don't know how to get this negative thoughts out of my head.

Has anyone ever gone through this?   

I guess talking to a therapist might be a good idea but I barely have any free time between high demaning job and the kids.

Thanks for listening, feel a little better to write about this.

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Re: NBR: Irrational Fear/Anxiety about Death

  • T&HLoveT&HLove member
    That sounds terrifying. I have dealt with some anxiety myself, and have found when I have those thoughts, it really helps to talk to someone.. Even just DH. 

    Other than that, I think it will just take time. It's like you can't get how you felt driving home that day out of your head.. And I don't blame you but I think that will eventually go away. ((hugs))
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  • JKGymnastJKGymnast member
    I have had those fears as well! Might be because my brother died suddenly when I was in my young 20's, and remembering that feeling and the phone call with the news, or the fact that my dad has multiple heart issues that could bring on sudden death, or it could be my general anxiety too. I am on meds as well to help and it absolutely does... I will second PP that talking to a therapist is good but I find it more helpful to know I'm not alone and talk to close family and friends who end up saying they have or had the same fears. You learn how they coped with it which helps you. I realize we don't all have unlimited hours to see therapists and such so reaching out to your husband or close friend is much easier. Or least it is for me. Maybe you could try that?

    Another option is there is a workbook called Anxiety for Dummies that I actually read once which was helpful. You mentioned writing this post was helpful so maybe this workbook will help as well... lots of writing....
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  • CMheart1011CMheart1011 member
    That must have been so scary for you!  I have anxiety too, and had PPA, and I can't imagine how I would feel if I'd experienced something like what you went through with your son. I have also found that talking helps me.  I usually talk to DH, but I'm also considering talking to a professional about it.  Good luck-I hope you can find a way to start feeling better soon!!
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  • tartertots9725tartertots9725 member

    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. That sounds like a really situation with your 4 year old. I can understand how that can cause some anxiety.

    I deal with major anxiety problems as well. I got robbed at gunpoint a few years ago and that triggered my anxiety. I was in college and thought I was invincible, then the robbery came and made me realize that bad things can happen to me. I started to constantly worry about losing DH(and now I worry about DS). I worry about other people close to me but I worry most about those two.

    I always worried when DH would go to work and I get so anxious when I leave DS with anyone. My anxiety caused me to not go to college classes because I was too afraid to be in a room with so many strangers. I didn't want to go out to bars with friends because I was so afraid of something bad happening. I got to be borderline agoraphobic and that's when I realized I really needed help. I refused to take anti-anxiety pills while pregnant because they kept running ads on tv about how dangerous they were but once I had DS I went on some. They have helped some but I still do struggle some days.

    I have talked to a therapist but for me it didn't work out. What I find really helps is talking to DH. He is amazing and always listens to my fears/concerns no matter how irrational they may be. I am really starting to finally overcome my anxiety (the robbery happened 4 years ago in November). I am starting to be laid back more and enjoy things more. It's been a long battle but I just have to continue to push through it and talk it out. I know I'll never get to go back to being that young and thinking I'm completely invincible, but I want to go back to being more outgoing and not constantly being a prisoner of my own thoughts/fears.

    I hope you're able to find a way to cope with your fears. I think talking about it will definitely help. Sorry if I'm not more help, I just want you to know you're not alone! Good luck!
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  • JKGymnastJKGymnast member
    I love that we are all able to talk to one another about this stuff...

    You are a great group of women.
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  • Daisy166Daisy166 member

    Thank you so much ladies for your input.  It does help to hear that I am not the only one with these crazy thoughts.   I'm thinking the incident with my DS seizure hasn't helped my anxiety and hopefully over time it will get better.   Ufortunately I think anxiety is something I'm going to always deal with.  It's just how I am.  As long as I can manage it then it'll be okay.

    Thanks again :)

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  • jupiterthecatjupiterthecat member

    I'm going to put my professional hat on for a moment. Daisy, what you went through with the seizure would be horrifying to any parent, and with a history of GAD and depression it only makes sense that you would be having a tough time afterwards. For you and anyone reading this who has had difficulty with anxiety, I really encourage you to find a GOOD therapist. Medication can be wonderful, and if that's working for you, then great, but in many cases of chronic anxiety therapy is the best way to produce long-term changes. One issue is that not all therapists are created equal. There are wide variations in training. Many therapists are trained in treatments that have very little empirical support, and unfortunately it can be difficult for consumers to distinguish between effective and ineffective therapists. For GAD (and most other anxiety disorders), the best supported treatment is cognitive behavioral therapy. Another treatment that is beginning to garner support that has a lot of promise is acceptance and commitment therapy (or related treatments like mindfulness-based approaches). I know it can be very hard to fit therapy into a busy schedule, but think about how much time you spend worrying. Ultimately, it could be huge a time-saver! That said, if you really can't fit it in right now, there are a number of workbooks that you might find helpful.

    Here's a good CBT-based workbook:

    https://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Your-Anxiety-Worry-Treatments/dp/0195300017/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1345828168&sr=8-12&keywords=anxiety+workbook

    And here's a good one if you prefer an acceptance-based approach:

    https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1345829137&sr=8-6&keywords=anxiety+acceptance

    Good luck.... 

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  • shelley1002shelley1002 member
    You are not alone.  Every once in a while I have thoughts like that.  My DH has a job that can be dangerous at times and a long commute at an early hour.  I worry all the time that he may not make it home.
    My dad is a truck driver and is a little overweight and does not have the best diet.  We always worry about him having heart attack or an accident.  Every time I hear about an accident involving a tractor trailer near the areas he is around that time I always panic till I either see the truck on the news or hear what they were hauling.

    I would think after what you went through with DS is adding to normal anxiety.  I hope you can find someone to talk to about this.

    I will add that I suffer from depression (have since I was very very young).

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