Married: 11/2011
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
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September 2012 Moms
BarefootContessa
member
Anyone else's DH just not getting it?
BarefootContessa
member
I am so frustrated and need to vent. I am feeling more anti-social than ever. I have to bite my tongue at work all day because of how grumpy I am and by the time I get home I just want to see/speak to no one.
Last night we had dinner with the IL's and I couldn't even attempt to hide my exhaustion. I had nothing stimulating to add to conversation and just sat in the corner the whole time. We have friends in town this week and DH had invited them over afterwards without even asking me. I went home and went straight to bed. We've already hung out once this week and they have an infant, so I know that they'd understand that I was exhausted. They ended up not coming over.
I just got off the phone with DH and they are coming over tonight. I guess I'm more aggravated with him for not checking in with how I was feeling before telling them to come over. They are bringing dinner--which is very kind of them-- but I still have to go through and make sure my house is super clean because of said infant. Not to mention I just have NO desire to play hostess and make small talk and watch everyone else drink beer.
Then on Saturday we have a birthday party to attend for a friend. Again-- I ADORE our friends but I just have no desire to be social right now AT ALL. DH doesn't get that as he's by far the more social of the two of us to begin with and he thinks I'm just using late pregnancy as an excuse to get out of stuff. I want to hurt the man!
Sweet Angel Boy born too soon 12/17/17
EDD-4/2019
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone else's DH just not getting it?
Have you told him that you don't want to socialize right now? I'm sure he'd understand. Tell him to go to the birthday party on his own, enjoy himself and you can stay at home and rest/sleep.
I know how you feel, I'm tired all the time too but I've been that way since having DS 17 months ago. haha! I have been use to running on less than four cylinders.
Take what time is left before baby shows up and rest while you can. Let DH do social things on his own right now if you're not up to it. Most people will totally get it & understand.
LaSt weekend my DH decided it was a brilliant idea to stop at his grandparents house for a "short break" on our drive home from a friends wedding 5 hrs away. I was in the wedding, so I was wiped out. He promised we would stay 1.5 to 2 hrs, tops. This is after driving 3.5 hrs too...
Almost 5 hrs later, I excused myself to a different room and just LOST it. I was exhausted, swollen, and had to work the next day. To his credit DH made his goodbyes quick at that point and we left within 10 min. His grandmother had the nerve to complain to him that I wasn't "social" enough during the visit. He told her that she must have forgotten how difficult it is to be a zillion months pregnant and traveling far away.
Sometimes you just reach a point where you are DONE, and sometimes I don't think our DHs get it. Hang in there, and tell him you're done entertaining people.
ETA: ignore some of the typos. This mobile site stuff bites.
That is frustrating. I would be polite and visit for a little while (especially if they're bringing dinner), but then excuse yourself and hide in your room. And if you really don't want to go on Saturday, don't! DH is a big boy - he can go by himself if he really wants to.
I'm kind of in the opposite situation. I'm usually the social butterfly in our marriage, but lately I'm just so tired and uncomfortable and lazy that I don't really want to do much of anything. So my DH is thrilled! He's not exactly anti-social, but he's always been more of a homebody than me.
I think it's pretty normal for this stage of pregnancy to feel much more antisocial. I know I am. But do keep an eye out for depression. If you're feeling completely antisocial and disenchanted with the world now, it may get worse after LO arrives and being social becomes that much more difficult with a baby to care for.
That's kind of how PPD started for me. I didn't realize I'd gone into depression before DD was even born. Then it just increased from there. I'd let your OB or midwife know how things are going, and if you've ever struggled with depression before I would start checking in with a psych professional.
Not trying to alarm you, but it's so much better to nip things like this in the bud early. I've done the wait and see game and it was terrifying. Just stay abreast of the situation. You're definitely not alone.
I'm sorry you're dealing with a DH that doesn't get it. I agree with PP, tell him to go to the party and use those couple hours to yourself to get some rest.
As for guests tonight, don't clean your house. Just do a 10 minute pick-up. I am sure they do not expect you to clean your house for them (and if they do, it's not your problem, ha!).
Thanks for this. You might be right. I have struggled with depression in the past. I will certainly talk to the dr. at my appointment on Monday.
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
HA!!! I'd have beat my DH to death with the vacuum cleaner. lol... Mine came home the other day and looked around and was like, "productive day today, huh?" and I almost lost it on him. He seemed to forget that I spent 8 hours Friday cooking and freezing meals, then went to NYC with him to party with his friends that night, then spent Saturday running errands, and Sunday doing 6 more hours of cooking. You can bet your ass I didn't do shiit on Monday. lol... They really DON'T get just how exhausting just BEING is for us these days.
This. Anyone who wants to bring me dinner is welcome in my house!
If they have an infant, I'm sure they'll understand you being tired and excusing yourself. As far as cleaning goes, clean one room and hopefully they'll keep the baby there. If not, YH has arms that can run a vacuum, no?