I HAVE to vent! might be long sorry..

I don't even care if anyone responds to this post but I just have to get this all out somehow. My xh used to be a great father, he was one who did anything for his kids even though him and I ended very badly. He cheated, sold drugs, cheated some more and partied like an 18 yr old every weekend. He was disrespectful, intimidating, manipulating..not to mention 6'3" 290lbs. We grew up together, hes 3.5yrs older than me, we know where each other root from and to some people that is important because you understood how and why that person was they way they were. I became his toy of a wife, though we never got married we were together for about 11yrs. I had his 3 kids by the time I was 22 and didn't regret a thing. Fast forward to a couple yrs before we split for good, I had been to shelters with my babies and always went back to him and never paid any attention to the workers who'd tell me it would only get worse. and it always did. Some women have to find out for themselves right? The final straw was in jan of 2010, long story short I was found in someones driveway at 3am screaming for help while he was trying to get his belt around my neck to drag me back to the car still parked on the rural road close to where we lived. I still thank god to those home owners who came out with a shotgun and got him off of me. My ex was under the influence and had downed half a 60ozer of Gibbys along with a few oxy 80's..it was the night of his birthday.

He was arrested, I got an emergency restraining order against him. He could not contact me or the kids. He would call daily from jail though only furthering his sentence. The "justice" system let him out after 6 weeks because at the time they still had time and a half in our court system here in ontario canada and in their eyes he'd done his 3 months. It was a shock, they let me know on a thursday that he was getting out that monday. I packed our clothes and my truck and my aunt looked into a shelter 3hrs away where they lived that knew we were coming and we left at 7am that monday morning.

Fast forward 2 yrs later..he had been back to jail..had a new gf-the one he cheated on me with, and she was pregnant and they had a baby, they live where we used to live still 3+hrs away. The order was dropped last year so he could start talking to the kids and him and i could start somewhat of a speaking relationship. He has done counselling and had to endure court ordered programs because of the abuse he had put me through. I was honestly starting to feel happy for him because he was now sober and seemed to be happy. I got past the fact that I tried so hard and gave him my life to do that for him but I wasn't the key to his success in that area.

Our kids are now 13, 10 and 7. My 13yr old son began to resent me and I didn't want him to hate me so i talked to his dad and we agreed that he could go live with him. I admit it was a load off me and I knew his dad was up for it. Like I said, great father, lousy husband.  Well that happened in april and its now almost september and my son has asked to come home twice already. I didn't want to play the devils advocate and just go get him, I told him there were 3 weeks of school left at the time and he should just finish there and he agreed. He had already switched schools this year and he'd had a hard time adjusting. So for the time being he was alright.

The issues I have are the fact that dad's gf is a total B!TCH. She is 10 yrs younger than their dad and that plays a huge part in her insecurities and maturity level in all this. She is jealous that i talk to their dad, shes jealous of the fact that he had kids before she came along and he still wants in their lives. They had them during this past xmas and he called me to come get them on boxing day because she was freaking out and kicked them all out of the house. It took me almost 4 hrs to get out there and my kids were all lined up at the fence with their suitcases standing in the cold the whole time. I could've killed her. Keep in mind they only get to see each other maybe once every 3 months because he lost his licence and can't get it back for another 2 yrs-his own stupidity. So now we come to this past month, their dad asks if we can switch the kids for the month of august. I said sure because I missed my oldest dearly and I could've used the break from the younger 2. It was supposed to last 3 weeks from the 28th of july to aug 20th...he text me on aug 6th telling me I had to come get my kids because his gf had gone off the loop again. FFS. I get all the way up there in fight mode and the lil *** wont come outside so i can talk to her...knock her teeth out..whatever I felt nessessary. How dare she make my kids feel like that, talk down to them and yell at them. I had to tell my oldest son that I had to bring him back home and we just sat on my couch that morning and bawled. I know hes not happy there

I told their dad that he needs to stop letting this girl control him like that when it comes to his kids. He refuses to believe that she got him wrapped but knowing him better than anyone else, I've never seen him so WEAK in my life.

Last week he calls and says he will be sending money so i can take our daughter out and get her some new stuff for school, which was great because I'm low income and he makes more money than I do and I've been trying to keep up on my bills because i'd run into some issues a couple months ago. He said he'd sent it through email on monday..i didn't hear from him but i assumed he would just do it later in the day so i took her shopping figuring that money would just be replaced later on. I sent him a txt yesterday morning asking him to send that money because I had to go pay my hydro bill...well he writes back n says "i only have 37bux in my account, I will send her that in the mail in a card" Are you f'n kidding me?? I LOST it. I told him he better get his chit straight with his gf and I'm giving them til christmas to smarten up their relationship around my son or I'm going to court to get him back. (She calls the cops on him all the time, gets physical with their dad, leaves marks all over him..hes even called them on her because she wouldn't let him leave and hes been to a shelter with my son to get away from her. The CAS is against their relationship, the police have to make a report to them everytime their called because its domestic and its up to 4 incidents now in the last 8 months WTF). I said he needs to give me child support on time instead of me begging to get $20 off him making me sound desperate...I'm just SOOOOO sick of all the BS.

I have been more than nice and more than lineant over the past few years with everything and I've been chit on by pretty much everyone except my kids. I used to be a weak girl and now I'm a stronger woman and have no patience for BS. I am pregnant from a relationship that failed when I was 20 weeks along and now I have more BS to deal with...I honestly don't know whats worse, a father who tries to care but can't follow through or a father (like this babys father) who simply doesn't care and has no contact with me whatsoever? I am sooo done with men and their crap!!! i struggle and i blame nobody but myself but I have goals that I'm reaching towards but have also figured out i am the ONLY one who i can depend on to follow me through with them. My mom helps me with the kids and if I need food, I use the foodbanks and i try to be frugal. My frustration is it doesn't have to be this way, if their dad would just send me that child support money, which is only 100bux, on the first of the month it would help me tremendously. Why is it so hard to depend on these people??? My failed relationships are only a taste of whats happened in my life, I'm not trying to play the victim card here and I know everyone has had thier share of stories but i'm seriously just fed up.

I'm sorry that was so long, i just had to get it all out. Once and a while it creeps up on me...if you made it through the whole thing then kudos to you lol