Daycare vs. My mother

Alondrasilva10 · August 2012

The subject pretty much sums up the story, my mother would like to watch the baby the first 12 months of her life. She would be paid the same amount we would pay the day care we are currently looking into ($180) so we would not be saving any money by having my mom care for her. My mother lives 5 minutes away from where I work (I work 8am-5pm) so it would be easy to visit during lunch time for feedings and such. Also, if the baby gets sick my mother would be able to take her to the doctor which would really help since I have taken off so much already due to prenatal appointments, maternity leave, etc.

I am seriously stuck and maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that i am a first time mother. Any advice would be appreciated.

Jim&Jaime · August 2012

I think it depends a lot on the relationship you have with your mom and how communication will be between the 2 of you during this year. If she is open and receptive to you being a new mother and how you are choosing to raise your child, great, but if you feel it will hinder/hurt your relationship for any number of reasons (including her "knowing best"), it might be worth the small initial hurt of going with a center who is doing you a service for pay.

kllrbnny · August 2012

I'd have given my right arm to have my mom watch my LOs for the first year of their lives. She is the only other person in the world who I know would give my baby the same quality of care as me, not to add all of the love. For me it would have reduced the anxiety to practicaly nothing to have my mom as my daycare provider.

I sense that there is something holding you back though. Do you know what it might be?

Polofsky · August 2012

My mother kept my babies until they were 18 months old and I never regretted it. We paid her (not nearly as much as daycare) and had a talk that if she felt like she couldn't do it anymore we needed her to tell us months in advance (good daycares have waiting lists) not a week or 2, like she could have with a regular job. She followed our directions and never questioned or suggested anything unless specifically asked. I would have her stay with them again...I hate my daycare, but she has to earn a living somehow!

flyingsaucer · August 2012

My mom watched DS until he was 2.5 and now she is watching DD (20 mos). It is the greatest thing I could have asked for! When DS was very young, he went to daycare, then my mom started watching him when she retired. There is no comparison. I feel so comfortable and at ease knowing the kids are with my mom when they are young! Once the kids are 2.5-3, they go to a half day preschool to give my mom a break and have them socialize. We pay my mom monthly, but much less than the cost of daycare (covers food, gas and outings she takes DD on).

That said, I agree with pp that if you don't have a great relationship with your mom, it would be tough. Luckily, my mom really respects my parenting style and we are on the same page as far as healthy meals, limiting tv, etc. My mom is also very active so she and DD often go for walks, to the library, etc.

I feel so thankful and blessed to have my mom watching the kids while they are young. No one will love and care for your kids like family, and the one on one time is wonderful.

Kids have plenty of time for school and socialization later (at 2,3,4)

*LrCg* · August 2012

I agree with pp that it depends on your relationship with your mother. My mother watched my niece and it was because of what I saw that I did not allow her to watch our kids. She had the theory that she could spoil and didn't have to listen to rules. And of course since she had kids prior and my sister was a new mother she knew more. My sister likes being controlled so it didn't bother her but I couldn't do that. Plus although it pains me to say it it turned my niece into a bit of a brat. If you have a great relationship with your mom, I would say yes but do it in 3 month intervals and re-evaluate to see if its still working. Your mom may think she bit off more then she could chew- or she may very well LOVE it. Either way, I think at 6-9 months old I would start transitioning into a daycare setting (either center or homebased) 2-3 days a week so your child can be with others and get instructions from a non-family member.

jlw2505 · August 2012

I think it totally depends on your relationship with your mom. Is your mom going to do what you ask her to do 100% of the time without getting upset? If the answer is no, then I would go with daycare. You are the mom and your Mom is Grandma but if you chose to use her as your daycare full time - she is then your employee and needs to respect your wishes totally. If you ask that the baby be feed at x time and nap at x time - your mom needs to do it.

I personally would never use my parents or ILs for daycare for my kids and I am super close with my parents. They are the grandparents and I want my kids to see them that way and that way only. Grandparents are there to spoil their grandkids, do fun outtings and things like that. A daycare is there to take care of your kids, teach them things and stuff like that. (and my amazing daycare teachers also loved my kids) As your child gets older - even at 6 months, being around other kids is amazing and I credit daycare with getting my kids on the amazing schedule that they are on.

My SIL has a nanny but has her ILs and her parents each taking a day every other week with her twins - OMG the amount of stress those 4 days a month bring to her life. She has said that if she had it all to do over - she would never have made the arrangment she did and would have just had the nanny come in 5 days a week.

Have your mom as your back up and plan some days where she spends with the baby - maybe plan a day or 2 a month where baby doesn't go to daycare and goes to your mom or let your mom pick baby up early a few days a week or something.

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Daycare vs. My mother

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