Do you take it personally

ball.and.chain · August 2012

when friends and family members vote Republican?

I grew up in a very liberal family, went to a very liberal college, and the vast majority of my friends vote Democrat or liberal 3rd party (by "vast majority" I mean "basically everyone"), so I spent a long time not really having to deal with this. And pre-FB, I didn't really know how a lot of people voted, and that was fine.

My ILs are much more conservative than my family, but MIL/FIL don't really talk about politics so we don't have to know. They have always been supportive of my wife and our relationship, which is obviously the most important thing.

SIL recently "liked" the Romney-Ryan ticket on FB. She voted for Obama in 2008. She may be fiscally conservative but is socially liberal. I KNOW she fully supports our marriage and our efforts to have a family. But I don't understand how you can support us and also support Romney.

So I'm kind of irritated with her.

Am I being too sensitive?

ETA: I realize there may be places/elections in which "voting Republican" =/= anti-gay. But for now, at least as far as the presidential election goes, that happens to be the case.

mmy101 · August 2012

I try not to, but it is kinda hard. I know there are lots of important issues in our country, but most of the republican candidates have been openly against marriage equality rights and even same sex adoption rights. When Romney announced Ryan as his VP choice, a lot of people on my feed were "happy" about it. I believe everyone should be informed on both sides of the debate, so I looked him up. He constantly voted against equality rights, so there will be no way I would be "happy" with him or Romney. If somebody not so close to me posts very anti-gay comments/pics, I usually quietly delete them, but family is different. I kinda nudge my inner-circle to checkout certain articles that show the anti-gay gestures, that way they know it directly affects their sister/friend/coworker.

I have many FB friends who "liked"/commented on our wedding pictures positively, some even attended our ceremony, yet awhile later they posted photos of themselves eating at Chick-Fil-A on Aug. 1st. That stung, not that I care what a restaurant owner thinks, but that they ATTENDED the wedding willingly. Grr.

Sorry for the rant, been holding that one in! I am all for open-minded political debate, but I am not open to hate/discrimination, which is what the R/R ticket is openly supporting.

leapgirl8 · August 2012

No. I'm sure that 95% of my (all Southern) in-laws will be voting for Romney, and both FIL and step-FIL are not shy about sharing their nut-tastic views on all manner of things. I don't think anything could ever convince them not to vote Republican, regardless of our family situation.

The irony of all this Romney talk is that there is no way most of these people ever would have predicted that they'd be voting for a Massachusetts Mormon who passed a comprehensive health care bill. The joke is on them. :-D

ctbride08 · August 2012

Yes, I take it personally.

emma+karen · August 2012

I think so many people just don't realize the implications of what they say and how they vote. When the whole Chick-Fil-A thing was going on, I had so many friends--people I genuinely like, who have said they're so happy for me and K having a baby--proudly post that they were eating at CFA, or "like" groups like Focus on the Family on Facebook. Sometimes I just want make a giant announcement..."I take it personally when you do this. Here's why..."

Kershnic · August 2012

I get irritated, but I wouldn't say I "take it personally." Like you I grew up in a liberal family, and pretty much all of my friends are somewhere on the Democrat/liberal side. I also work in an incredibly left leaning field. DW's family doesn't like to talk about politics and is not as liberal as my family, but as far as we can tell they still mostly vote Democratic and are certainly supportive of our marriage and gay rights in general.

However, my BIL and his family (who we see reasonably often and I'm FB friends with those who are in FB) are staunch Republicans. But they're voting about things that matter more to them than LGBT rights. Sure, I wish LGBT rights was high enough on socially liberal Republicans' importance list that they'd push for candidates who support LGBT rights... but I get that for other people other issues are more important to focus on. We all take a hit when we vote for a candidate, because all candidates will disagree with us on something. But we have to decide what issues to prioritize.

I think it's worth trying to educate people on how their vote impacts you and your family, but I wouldn't take it personally if they still end up voting on economic policy or whatever else is their top priority.

2moms2b · August 2012

So most of my family and M's family are all republicans or very conservative with a tiny bit of liberal on social issues (not enough to vote dem). They aren't disrespectfully vocal about it but as pps have said they vote based on the issues that are important to them. Both of our families fully support our relationship and are happy we are expanding our family and I honestly think sometimes they forget how their vote affects us. I think honestly for both our families, gay marriage is the last thing they think of when they vote as our tax breaks etc don't affect them directly.

I too got upset at people who posted in support of CFA especially those so vocal about it because they missed the point and most still do. I don't care that the CEO vocally opposed my relationship (I'm used to that), I care that he donated money to organizations who openly fight against my relationship and family in the most extreme way. Those that I am especially close to, I did very quietly and respectfully, let them know my stance on it and moved on. Those that I was not that close to, I either just felt sorry for their ignorance or deleted them. I think it is our job to remind people we are here, their neighbors, daughters, friends etc but I am not going to go to war daily on fb or any other social media platform. I know that probably sounds horrible but it's just not my cup of tea and I wouldn't do it justice. (By that statement I don't mean to say it's not important to me, I just don't have the energy to argue everyday with people over it.)

With all that said, I try not to get upset or offended when someone votes the way that best affects their life. Do I wish our families and friends would see that their vote can affect our life more than theirs, absolutely. At the end of the day all I can hope for is they are voting based on an educated vote and not based on popular opinion.

hlke · August 2012

I don't take it personally, because I assume they are not voting on LGBT rights, but on other differences between the Republicans and Democrats that are more important to them. I don't know anyone who actively opposes gay rights, although I do know some very religious people who prefer not to touch the issue with a 10 foot pole.

I also run in VERY liberal circles, so honestly the bigger issue for me is people who reflexively vote Democrat but who are completely uninformed on the issue of gay rights. I do try to educate people about not only marriage equality, but also about the fact that more than half the states still allow employment discrimination against gay people and about the pervasive impact of DOMA on my life. Liberal people who live in liberal places often have absolutely no idea that there are still many rights I lack, even if I were lucky enough to live in a marriage equality state (and I don't!).

2moms2twins · August 2012

ctbride08:
Yes, I take it personally.

yup yup very personally ...

Jazibel · August 2012

My family is very liberal so I don't run into this very often. Same for our friend circle. I tend to avoid political discussions at work, etc. because it baffles me how the "other side" thinks.

ball.and.chain · August 2012

hlke and kershnic, you are absolutely right that people are voting on other issues when they vote Republican, and I need to try to remember that. I know that in this case she is not choosing to vote for Romney *because* of his anti-gay positions; assuming she is aware of where he stands on gay rights, she is voting for him in spite of it. Part of my problem is that I don't actually know what her motives are, but I can't really ask her because I know if we had a discussion about it, it would get heated (my wife and I have kind of an unspoken rule that we don't pick fights with each others' families, assuming no one does anything egregious). So I invent imaginary motives, which is not really fair. She and my wife are very close, we all get along well, and she's very supportive of us -- I think that's why it hurts me that our rights don't rank in her voting priorities.

2brides · August 2012

No, because for the most part I think they are brainwashed. Stick out tongue Seriously, one of our best gay male friends is voting for Romney. Say wha? And all of L's family vote Republican. I just ignore all of their stupid Obama digs and "likes" of Paul Ryan.

But really, I think by and large the general public doesn't know/understand the gay rights issue. I was talking to my BFF about the Chic-fil-a thing and she thought it was a free speech issue. She had no idea about the millions to FOTF or NOM. And she is a huge ally to the gay community. And someone recently told me that she was happy that Obama made it legal for gays to get married. She didn't understand that his verbal support didn't change laws.

ball.and.chain · August 2012

2brides:
And someone recently told me that she was happy that Obama made it legal for gays to get married. She didn't understand that his verbal support didn't change laws.

Indifferent

My wife actually said she's planning to "discuss" this with her sister -- she wants to know why her sister is planning to vote Romney and she wants to make sure her sister knows what that means to us. If that doesn't change her mind, that's OK, but at least we would have said our piece. Fortunately, unlike me, my wife can do this without getting snippy. So I'm curious to see what happens.

Kershnic · August 2012

hlke:
Liberal people who live in liberal places often have absolutely no idea that there are still many rights I lack, even if I were lucky enough to live in a marriage equality state (and I don't!).

This. I'm constantly amazed at the things liberal straight people don't know about LGBT rights. But, the biggest is that state level marriage recognition or employer recognition of same-sex marriage means very little without federal recognition. They think the fight is done in states with marriage equality....

EratMama · August 2012

If I think it is a fiscal thing, I try not to take it personally (although teaching, food stamps, WIC, foster care, Medicare..... all hit pretty close to home).

If it is antigay, yes, I take it personally. Really? If L dies, you think our kids would be better off back in foster care than with me???

tdmklm · August 2012

Kershnic:
hlke:
Liberal people who live in liberal places often have absolutely no idea that there are still many rights I lack, even if I were lucky enough to live in a marriage equality state (and I don't!).
This. I'm constantly amazed at the things liberal straight people don't know about LGBT rights. But, the biggest is that state level marriage recognition or employer recognition of same-sex marriage means very little without federal recognition. They think the fight is done in states with marriage equality....

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