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September 2012 Moms
terri_doula2010
member
Stressed about childcare for DS during Labor (VENT)
terri_doula2010
member
I'll try to keep this brief, but I suck at that. 
So we moved away from all family and friends while pregnant with DS, the moved again in November (a 1.5 hr move this time instead of cross country at least). In all of that time my SiL and Cousin in Law moved to this state, but are still 1.5 hrs away and they are rather...busy and self-centered in general. So they aren't any help with DS ever, basically and won't do more than visit when DD is born, which is fine.
I've managed to come up with 3 options for who watches him while I'm in the hospital:
1. My best friend, who moved 1.5 hrs away (different direction) a year ago. She finishes her internship Friday so if I have baby between internship and her starting a new job (maybe out of state), then she'll watch him. She WANTS to watch him, WANTS to bring him to the hospital, WANTS to drive here in the middle of the night if need be. That kinda thing.
2. A SAHM friend from where we used to live (so also 1.5 hrs away) who also has a 2 year old. I feel bad asking them to drop everything and come, but if possible she will. However, starting next week she has classes Tues/Wed/Thurs that she can't miss, so she is only available half the week.
3. Another SAHM friend from where we used to live (but 2 hrs away) who also has 2 year old. Problem is she and I have very different parenting styles and her son is quite aggressive. Mine is NOT. When a kid hits him, he gets sad, he never hits back. She is rather lazy and doesn't effectively get on to her kid to stop him from hitting (hitting/pushing/stomping...Really mean stuff. Her kid is also a LOT bigger than my kid, regardless of them only being 4 months apart). BUT, she'll come watch my kid while I have another kid. So that's awesome of her, but stressful for me.
Well after a lot of uncertainty, it became a definite that after Friday my best friend (Option #1) could definitely watch DS. She was even willing to push back starting her potential in-state job if needed. Yay!! Since finding this out I've had this huge weight lifted off of me, we've been talking a lot about it, it has been great....until tonight. (And let me go ahead and say I know this is selfish which is why I'm telling you guys and not her).
She just found out tonight that she has to fly to GA next Tuesday to defend her dissertation. She'll be gone probably a week and a half if not longer (seeing a lot of family while there, which only makes sense). She thought she wouldn't be going until mid-September and she has NO say in the date. Beyond that, defending earlier means she is a candidate for a fantastic job that she really needs (out of state) that she thought she would be too late for. This is ALL awesome news for her and I'm genuinely happy for her.
However? OMG Stress. I've always had this huge feeling I would be delivering in August or at least not much past my due date. I know that feeling means nothing, but still. I'm such a planner and it is hard enough not to be able to adequately plan anything surrounding a birth, but this just has my stomach in knots now wondering how it will all play out.
Anyway, sorry for yet another long winded post. I'm so happy for my friend and want to vomit for myself.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Stressed about childcare for DS during Labor (VENT)
I am sorry you have to worry about this. I would totally watch your DS if it weren't weird for some internet stranger you have never met to watch your child - ha!
I hope it all works out for you.
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
That is very stressful! I'm sorry you're going through this!
Like other PP, I would see if you could get a neighbor to watch him while you deliver and then rely on your DH helping out the rest of the time. I'm sure it isn't the most ideal birthing experience/hospital experience if your DH has to be away from you and the new baby a lot of the time, but it would definitely work.
Grandparents are all in Georgia and we're in Wisconsin.
I don't have neighbors that I know but I do have casual friends who could watch him for a few hours, but not for much longer than that. The thing is, I'm not allowed to labor at home. I have to be in the hospital. We're expecting me to "count" as a FTM as far as my body goes since I only dilated to a three last time in nine hours of heavy contractions (though of course there is no way of knowing til it happens).
The only other person who will be at my birth is my doula, and if I absolutely had to I'd leave him with her instead of her helping with labor and I'm sure she'd be fine with that. Granted, she is also 2 hours drive from here...and DH keeping DS after delivery is an option if we can't figure out anything else, but it is sooo far from preferable and soo scary for me to think about, tbh.
To be completely honest, I may come off as confident on here but when it comes to myself and my delivery, I'm not. I had a c-section last time and while I'm being told by doctors that I'm an excellent candidate for VBAC, there is still that very real fear that I'll end up with another c-section and I did *not* have a positive experience last time. I really needed DH for my hospital stay and had complications that required the stay to be longer. With luck, I'll only be in the hospital one night this time, but we just don't know, you know? I just have to be positive and determined most of the time and prepare for the best, while accepting that it may not happen like that.
Option #3 is still an option and it is one that I will be okay with and I'm sure DS will survive, it just adds a level of stress I really don't need right now when I'm already super stressed. I just needed to vent, you know?
Oh Terri, I'm sorry things are so complicated! Is there any chance your doula knows another doula or trustworthy woman who could watch DS for you? Surely she has good resources. I hope something works out!
ETA Or a trustworthy man, didn't mean to discriminate! Mannies are great too.
Probably not an option if you hadn't already thought of this yourself, but do you have a babysitter that you would be able to call? Good luck finding a solution!
Oh yuck! What a bummer to be wading through. I think I saw you mention you go to church. Could you call your pastor and ask if they have any recommendations of sitters or older very motherly types in your congregation who might be willing to help you out as a type of ministry? I know we have ladies who do this in our congregation and are such a huge blessing. Also, if there is childcare at your church, have you considered contacting any of the childcare workers there to see if they would be available for babysitting?
Also, at my midwife office they have info posted in their lobby about churches that offer safe (background checked etc.) overnight accommodations for children in emergency situations by various churches in the area. Pretty much for this very reason I'm sure. Have you tried asking your OB or other midwives in the area for highly recommended help?
I know none of this is relieving your stress, but I'm hoping maybe you have more options than what you think you do. Not sure if you're really comfy with these ideas or not though.
I'll be praying you find just the right solution and you can feel free to labor worry free about DS. And you WILL find a good solution.
) Hang in there mama!
Dexter 08/31/2012~Summer 07/25/2011~Jack 10/21/2008~Aaron 08/12/2007
Thanks for everyone's sweet thoughts and advice (and OceanLover you just made me tear up!).
I do have a paid babysitter I can call last minute if I need to who will watch him overnight and all, we're just trying to avoid that since we've had a series of expensive things happen this summer and we don't want even more expenses. Also, she is 30 minutes away from us (and nowhere near the hospital), so the logistics may be interesting, depending on how my labor goes.
I do have choices and I need to just relax about the timing. I was in full freak out mode last night and that isn't good for me or baby. It also isn't at all productive. I mean, I could deliver when my best friend can easily come. Or I may not go into labor for weeks. Or it could all work out another way and be better and I'll be glad it worked out like that. I just need to relax!
If you like to be organized maybe try making a spreadsheet or some kind of chart that covers different dates, times of day, etc. and who will be available to watch DS? My husband is making a spreadsheet for the 4 weeks around my due date so that he knows who to call at any given time to watch DS. He's stressed about knowing what to do during labour, so this helped give him piece of mind. Plus, our childcare options are complicated too, and really depend on what the date is, what time of day it is, etc. We have a bunch of options, but each have their own restrictions and it made it so much easier to put it all in a chart. It also helped us find any holes in our plan so we could ask others or find a babysitter for those times (or I could just keep my legs crossed!).
It might help you feel a bit more in control and organized if you have a plan laid out in front of you. Just a suggestion from a lurker! Good luck.
Also, I'm going for a VBAC as well and I know how it feels to think that DH might not be there for support no matter what happens. Hang in there, it sounds like you have options and he will be there no matter what. It will all be worth it when you meet your new baby!
((hugs)). I am totally stressed about delivering before my parents get here on the 15th. They told me if I go into labor early, they will just put my mom on a plane right away and my neighbor (that just had a baby on Friday) said she could bring the baby to our house and hang with DS until my mom gets here. We also have our babysitter on call but she is in college and has an internship so I feel bad using her for last minute things.
I figure absolute worst case, I stay home as long as possible, take DS with us, and have DH hang in the waiting room with him while I deliver. Then they both come in and meet the baby together. Not ideal, but something we can all live with.
Just so you know, C-section due to breech leads to the best VBAC outcomes.
The OB I consulted with said I have an 80% chance of delivering vaginally this time, which is more than a FTM in this country! *hugs*