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Two Under 2
cookinitup
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Any 2u2 moms solo-parent at night?
cookinitup
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in Two Under 2
DH goes to work around 10am and gets back well after kiddie bedtime. I'm a little concerned about how I would manage it if we have 2u2. I would imagine 2u2 would be so much easier if DH was home at night to help (who couldn't use an extra set of hands right?) but that's not going to happen.
I'm curious about how your evening runs as a solo-parent in the evenings. Making dinner and feeding. Then the evening/bedtime routine (which is fairly involved right now for DS who is nearing 8 months). DH and I are TTC #2 but the thought crossed my mind the other night and I haven't been able to answer that question on my own so I put it to you ladies who have BTDT. TIA!
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Re: Any 2u2 moms solo-parent at night?
My husband is a police officer that works midnights. Every night he works, I'm 100% on my own, and on weekends he works, he sleeps all day, so i am doing it all alone from when I get home from work on Friday until when I get home from work on Monday. I won't sugar-coat it-it sucks and I am exhausted all the time. I actually ended up in he hospital with dehydration and exhaustion (I felt like Lindsay Lohan!) over the winter after DD had a long string of illnesses that prevented sleep for nearly 3 weeks.
I am pregnant with #2, and I am nothing short of terrified of what it will be like with 2 under 2. I have told him that something has to change, so he is on he wait lost to get moved to evenings. Although I will still be doing the weekday routine solo, he will at least be able to get up earlier on weekends so I can get a break-a nap, a chance to go to Starbucks....whatever.
I wish I had great advice, but I'm barely functioning with one and we sure didn't plan on 2. I'm just hoping DD will get a little more independent as she approaches age 2!
Right now I'm running solo but even if DH is home we have a schedule that can (and usually is) done by one person. I do prepare a meal or two on the weekend so I can just heat and serve some nights, and I learned to love my crockpot, which makes dinner time easier and faster most nights. Dinner is at 6:00, then we usually have play time for about an hour (when I had one that was nursing I usually nursed or pumped around 7:00). Our bath/bedtime routine takes about 30 minutes and evey one is off to bed by 8:00. When DS3 was nursed I would put him down for a nap after nursing at 7, then he would wake up around 10:00 (which gave me 2 hours to get house stuff done, and grab a shower, then I'd nurse at 10 and go to bed.
Organization is key for us, without it I wouldn't be able to get 1/2 of what I get done accomplished every day.
There is no hard and fast rule. You learn to do things with both kids as soon as #2 is old enough -- bathtime, eating, storytime, etc.
I invested in a hiking backpack for both boys once they were old enough to support their heads well. I carry one around the house in it if they are being clingy. This allows the closeness that they crave, and allows my hands to be free, and my front to be free of a baby so I can do dishes and bend over without squishing a kid.
You adapt. You learn your kid quicker, take notice of their cues earlier, and you set yourself up for success.
In short, you just do. I'm on my own because DH commutes 2 hours per day, works 10 hour days and then goes to school at the local university full-time. ::crosses another day off until May 2013 graduation::
I'll take a break when he graduates!!
If you set yourself up for reality now, you'll be better off. Someone's undoubtedly always going to be crying at the most inopportune of moments. You address needs before wants regardless of the fact that could mean someone ends up in tears.
Nothing's ever perfect, but it's done.
When my 2u2 were still 2u2, my DH worked 2-3 nights a week so I had to do bedtime. We managed and honestly it wasn't really that bad. The baby always went to bed first and we practiced pretty much the day she got home from the hospital to put her down sleepy but still awake so she would soothe herself to sleep. My toddler was the more high maintenance one with a bedtime routine so I would just do his routine after the baby was already asleep.
In terms of dinner, I'd keep it simple the nights DH was gone. You can always make a bunch of food on the weekend then reheat the nights DH is gone.
My husband is in the military so we have long stretches of solo time. Last year he was gone from May-December and when he left my DS was 6 months and my DD was 22 months. Lately he has been gone a week here, a week there.
Honestly, there really wasn't a set "routine" for more than a few weeks at a time. As my kids changed, I changed the routine. That is one of the more challenging things about 2u2; both kids are still so little that changes are happening fast and furious. You just have to flex and roll with them. Some nights were good, others I could have chugged a bottle of wine after they were both finally asleep
.
By the time my DH left my son was able to at least sit in a high chair for a few miniutes. He would play with Cheerios or whatever while DD and I ate our dinners. And as DS got older, I would incorporate more foods (and usually feed him before DD and I would eat) and then he would sit with us while we ate.
Bath times were a little crazy. When they couldn't be bathed together I would do every other night (bath one M, the other Tues, etc). By the time DS was 10 months or so, he was sitting in a bath seat and the babies could be bathed together which was nice. I won't get into how I would get them out, dried off, and dressed. It was a comedy but I made it work.
I doubt this post is helping more to illustrate that it is doable, you can do it, and it isn't a huge deal. I wouldn't let the idea of solo bedtimes dictate your child spacing. HONESTLY, now that my DD is 3, I am glad we had both kids so fast. 3 has been HARD and now that I look back, caring for her as a 16 month old with a newborn was probably easier than managing her as a 3 year old. (yes, she would help more now at 3, but the "terrible 3s" are here, and her mood is very up and down).
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
My DH used to work some late nights when my 2 were 2u2. You basically just do it. My DS didn't eat any elaborate meals (mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, boboli pizza, etc) those nights. While he was eating, I would feed DD or I would give her a bath, depending on what her schedule was like that day. After dinner, it was get ready for bed time for DS, so he would brush his teeth, change into jammies, and read 2 books. Ideally, DD would have eaten and fallen back to sleep in her bouncy seat so I could deal with DS nicely. Sometimes she was wide awake - and occasionally she was not happy about it and would be screaming from the other room. Those nights I would run in, give her a binkie, run back, and read to DS as fast as I could without making it seem like I was rushing him. It was a challenge, but that didn't happen every night. And I would treat myself to some wine after! I also never ate with DS - I would eat after he went to bed. And DS got a bath every other night, and if Dd was awake, it would be a very quick bath.
As DD got bigger, it was easier. They would eat together, bathe together, read together, and go to bed at the same time. But in between the newborn stage and now, we had lots of adjustments (first DD would nap from 6-9ish, then feed again before bed, then we dropped that and she would go to bed at 6 - a good 45min before DS, then they started going at the same time). You just figure out what works for you!
BFP#1 1.28.10; HB 6w5d 2.18.10; No HB 3.8.10; Natural m/c 3.9.10 at 9w3d
BFP#2 - 7.22.10 DD born 3.16.11
BFP#3 - 8.11.11 DS born 3.27.12
totally agree with this. When ds2 was born ds1 was 15mths old and now I have ds3. Nothing has really changed having a third that I ddi with I had the ds1 and ds2. I bath the baby at 630pm then feed and put him down. The baby gets a dream feed around 1030-11pm While I feed the baby, the bigs either watch an episode of mickey on the ipad, play in their room or listen to music. Then I play with the bigs for a little bit before doing bath/bedtime with them. Everyone is in bed by 8pm.
Really it's trial and error until you find what works for you and your kids. For us organization and schedule is the key that keeps everyone happy and going.
I remember bathtime and bedtime being kind of a challange when #2 was born. Here are some things I remember helping me:
1) make dinner during naptime, or in the morning, or the night before, or anytime that you have at least one sleeping baby. Right before you eat is not always the best option.
2) learn to breastfeed while wearing baby. I never really figured out how to walk around and breastfeed, but I was able to pretty easily sit and eat dinner and manage my toddler while feeding my newborn in the moby, so we all ate at the same time.
3) move the swing into the highest traffic area. My infants all loved the swing, and I could always count on a few minutes of not-crying to attend to something else.
4) bring jammies for both kids, a few toys, and a bouncy seat into the bathroom every night. I couldn't figure out how to bathe my infant for a long time. I know that sounds silly, but I wasn't doing it at the same time every day, and I would forget. Once I realized that I needed to spend a little time preparing for bathtime things went much smoother. I would put the infant in the bouncy seat while i bathed the older one (we had all just eaten together in #2), then let my toddler play naked with his toys for a few minutes while I bathed my infant. Then put jammies on everyone.
5) It's okay if they cry for a few minutes. I had trouble at first reading my toddler his story and putting him down for his bedtime if I could hear my infant crying. But everyone's life was much easier if I let my infant cry for 5-10 minutes every once and a while while I read my toddler his story and tucked him in for the night. Half the time (at least) he fell asleep 2 minutes into it.
6) Be flexible. This is obvious. If my infant fell asleep in his swing while I was setting the table for dinner, then I let him sleep. If he was obviously hungry while I was reading #1 his story at night, then I would nurse him and tell stories or sing songs instead.
Good luck! It goes by so fast.
My 2 are 20 months apart and while I didn't do it all the time there were definitely many occasions of me flying solo for bedtime. Honestly, the whole cooking dinner/having dinner ready was the same for me if DH was home or not (still started prepping dinner around 4-4:30, planned on it being done by 5:30-6). In the rare occasion it wasn't I would just make something quick and easy for DS and eat after bed time. The thing about having them close together is that so far it seems like as one goes through a tough phase the other kind of ends their tough phase. For example: when DD was first born DS was still a little tougher at getting to go down for the night but when DD was a newborn she slept so often that it gave me the time to deal with him at bedtime (or I could easily wear her in the moby and prep him for bed). As he got easier at bedtime she got harder- now DS is the easy one at bedtime. I do his night time medical routine, give him a small cup of water and put him in bed. Rarely does he fight it and I rarely have to go back in- DD on the other hand is fighting bedtime like a nut case so she is my tough egg now.
As DS got more independent, DD got to where she needed me to be on top of her more (she started crawling at like 5 months, cruising and into everything now at 8 months). I am not too sure what it will be like when #3 gets here but I am hoping it will be a similar situation. You just have to figure out what child has what needs at what time and stagger and schedule accordingly. If that means adjusting bedtime for one child, so be it. If that means not eating dinner yourself until after bedtime...honestly- enjoy eating in peace :-) haha Just go with the flow, it will work out!