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Pre-School and Daycare
mavs_girl07
member
Are the moms at your preschool cliquey?
mavs_girl07
member
Because they are at our preschool. It's been very difficult for me to become friendly with some of them (3-4 women in particular) because they don't let anyone inside their little clique. They're the type that think they are BFF's with the teachers and preschool staff, think their child should be invited to every birthday party but yet don't invite many of the children to their parties. They will say hi to DD but then completely ignore me as if I weren't right there. It's the strangest thing, and I feel like I'm in high school all over again when I'm around them. I dropped DD off this morning and passed one of these moms in the hallway and she was all "Hi Riley!! How are you??" to DD. I smiled and said hi to her and she just glanced at me and kept walking. Like, really??
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Re: Are the moms at your preschool cliquey?
Wow. That's not clique-ish, that's just plain rude. If it's only 3-4 women in the whole class that are like that, I'm guessing there are other moms who are more friendly. Is that right? Focus your energy there. Don't give there woman another thought. They're not good mommy-friend material.
One more bit of advice: Think about the values that resonate with you and what you want to teach your girls. Is this sort of behavior (cliquey, rude) OK with you? Do you want your daughters around these woman and their kids any more than they absolutely have to be? I'm hoping the answer is "no". I know the moms I seek out for friendship are the women whose parenting style/ values I respect and whose advice I would seek out.
How do you know what they're like if you don't talk to them?
My experience with people like that is they are generally shy and/or insecure. I would try being very friendly and see what happens - "Hi, I don't think we've met, I'm MavsGirl, Riley's mom, you must be XXXX's mom! I love her shoes/barrettes/dresses"
I probably would do something like fredalina said if you saw me at DS preschool. If I didn't see you say hi then I would keep walking.
Either I'm oblivious, one of the clique or this doesn't happen at our PS. There are some parents I will smile at in passing that do not react and I chalk that up to them being in a hurry. I agree w/ PP, next time introduce yourself and compliment their LO. Hopefully, this will engage in a friendly conversation.
Update us pls, I would like to know if it's shyness or a 'mean girl'.
It does seem like it's mostly this group of women, but these are also the moms I see most for whatever reason. I've spent time with other parents at bday parties who seem very nice, but I rarely see them. I don't try very hard to be friends with these moms, because as pp said they're not the type of people I want as friends anyway. But we've been introduced and have had short conversations here and there, which is why I think it's strange to then ignore me when we pass each other. Maybe cliquey is the wrong word, I don't know. But I feel like I'm in high school all over again around this particular group of moms, and was curious if that is common at other preschools.
Edit... also I should add, it seems to me you are letting it affect you a bit much... they prob don't realize or don't care. Either go introduce yourself and set up a playdate to get to know a few of these moms best if one at a time... or get over it ;
Ok, well I guess I fail to see how I'm letting it affect me too much. There's really nothing to "get over" and I'd hardly say that it affects me beyond being slightly annoyed for about 5 seconds after experiencing their chilly vibe towards anyone not in their group. It's something I've noticed over the last year, even having introduced myself and talked to these women multiple times, and like I said I was just wondering if this is a common thing.
LOL- ours is a co-op, parent run school, and it is very clique-ish. Alot of the hard-to-break-in moms are on their 2nd and 3rd kids in there so have been at the school like 7 or 8 years, so yeah, they are tighter with the teachers and all.
Our first year there, 2 years ago, I was the freak with purple hair and a tattoo. I am not shy or interested in socializing much at the school but as the kids make friendships, playdates happen and the kids kind of determine who I hang with. We're now on our third year and I discovered the longstanding president lives a block from me and we started a kid trade off over the summer- she took my kids 1 morning/week and I took hers another, and at the last back-to school function the teachers came to me asking where she was, a lot of moms came over to talk to me , parents came to me asking for playdates- I inadvertantly found myself being pulled into the cool kids' club.
Not my style, but my oldest is loving all the invites, LOL. I think it's kinda earn your stripes. It paralells my daughter's entering the 4s class and she knows that means she's a top dog (I HATE that that mentality happens so early). My first year I minded my own. My second year I had three kids in at the same time and my responsibilities in the school and my presence tripled. I think as your years increase, so will your visibility.
On a funny note, last year at a board meeting last year, a disgruntled mom asked the board to remind parents that they should smile and greet other parents...LOL!
I thought about your post after I left work and thought that it could be possible they could be school volunteers. School volunteers know everybody and are doing all kinds of things for the school because their kids attend.
PP's were right that they may have multiple children in one school and that may be how they know the whole school.
My mom started volunteering when all 3 of us were in elementary school and knew everybody.
I've definitely gotten the chilly vibe a few times. There are a couple of groups of moms at DD's preschool who know each other because they're neighbors. One of the moms in the group is really friendly because her DD and my DD love to play together, but I definitely get the chilly vibe from one of the other moms in the group. I don't think she's very keen on me joining their circle.
this exactly....plus i'm not that social anyway
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
I just started reading over here, but OP I could have written your post myself. The same handful of moms that were rude to me in my son's first year have continued through his second. I tried everything to be a part of his class and make a few new connections along the way. I volunteered for parties, field trips, and fundraisers. But it stayed the same. Same group, same cold shoulder. I used a similar quote like the one above: Your son sure comes up a lot in our house! DS really enjoys playing with him! The mom responded, "Oh... uh huh! That's nice.", and continued on her frosty way.
The worst example I can think of happened last year. A mom came up to me and invited my son to her daughters birthday party. She said she was late in getting the invites out and wanted to invite him and she would put the info in backpack mail (notes or info from other parents put in the cubby). She then asked me if I was Max's mom. I said no and pointed out my son as he came out of the classroom. She looked surprised (like Elvis just walked by surprised) and said oh, ok... see you later! Guess what? No backpack mail, no invite! Really? I was so pissed I could have burst into flames. Especially when the other kids were talking about the party in the hallway and my son asked me why he wasn't invited.
So from then on, I treated school drop off like a business transaction. I treat all the kids the same with a friendly hi and smile but I wouldn't acknowledge some of the moms if you paid me. And I'm sure they like it that way.