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BM won't let go

crene84crene84 member
in Adoption
So, this is certainly a situation I never anticipated.  After a crazy conversation with our first match last night (her wanting to move in with us), she IMs me today like nothing ever happened.  She told me about her dr appt today, how her mom is going to call me later to go over their medical histories, etc.  I decided it was time to let her know that this might not be the right match for us but she wouldn't let go.  She kept saying how much she wanted us, how we're perfect for her baby, etc etc.  It got very awkward.  I ended it with saying that we just can't take all this on right now and told her it'd probably be a good idea for her to look into some other couples now.  She seemed angry and signed off..Wow, what did I sign up for?!
Married Since 09/2006, TTC Since 09/2010 
DX: Unexplained infertility, DH normal 
3 Femara cycles - Oct, Nov, Dec 2011, all BFNs 
IVF #1, ER 2/15 (5R, 4M, 4F), ET 2/18, Beta 2/29 = BFN :( 
Follistim + IUI on 6/25 = BFN 
Home Study Finalized 8/14/12! Profile Active - 8/17/12! 
Officially Matched 8/29/12, Our perfect angel born 9/25/12! 
Biggest surprise ever, unexpected BFP on 4/12/13! 

 Our Angel through Adoption
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Re: BM won't let go

  • silliestbunnysilliestbunny member

    Try to keep in mind that your saying no to a e-mom will feel like a big rejection to her....  While you have to follow your heart, you may hurt her in the meantime.We all have lots of emotions at stake in this process.  Adoption can be very humbling.

    Without a case worker to run interference, you may have to bear the brunt of these difficult situations.I don't envy the position you are in... trying to take care of yourself as well as someone you don't even know.

    My best to you...

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  • JELLYRUNNER01JELLYRUNNER01

    I am sorry that didnt go well for you. Sounds rough and a very emotional thing to have to say no and walk away from the situation but I hope you find peace in knowing that you did the right thing for you and your family.


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  • DaisyZHDaisyZH member
    I'm sorry that the situation seems to be getting more difficult - I think you have to do what is right for you and your husband, although I know you don't want to hurt this person.  It sounds like the situation is kind of stressful.  Hopefully she'll take you up on those resources you sent her. 


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  • Foster1MomFoster1Mom
    That has to be so hard to handle. I am sorry you are going through this.
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  • IRRIRR member
    Not using an agency does have some negatives.  This is obviously one of them.  Perhaps as you move forward rather than spending too much time talking to a BM, make sure they are vetted by your lawyer first.  That is why you hired a lawyer.  We had a couple of "BM's" contact us by email and when we suggested they call our attorney or even us, they didn't.  We had a short conversation with our BM, but then our lawyer fully vetted her before we even agreed to meet.  Sorry this is ending up being more than you bargained for.  I am still shocked that she asked to move in with you. 
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    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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