Decorating the nursery and a melt down.

MrsRiceARoni · August 2012

My ILs came out this weekend and they decided to buy some stuff for our little girl, as well as helped DH paint the nursery. They took us to Babies R Us and got us a bed set that cost about 3 times as much as the one we had picked out at Target It is very nice and I like that it came with a lot more items than the one we had originally looked at, I'm just glad we weren't paying for it. I also refused to look at the prices of any of the clothes they picked out because I kept wanting to point out how much cheaper it'd be if we went over to Ross/Marshalls or looked at the clearence section at Target, yup I'm cheap like that. We enjoyed the day together and over all I felt pretty ok shopping, and even watching as they painted the room.

That night after the room was painted and the bedding was put up and we had gone to bed I just had a total melt down. Shortly after getting into bed I just lost it. I was so upset about how the nursery looked like Noah was never there, we had taken down his letters and the tree/monkey vinyl we had put up on the wall and his once baby blue walls has been turned a light purple. I also got upset over packing up all of his clothes that he never got to wear. not knowing if we will ever have a little boy for him to pass them down to. I then proceeded to get irrationally upset over the fact that we never got him a bed set, and how I had been almost 36 weeks when we lost him and he only had a bare mattress, while his sister had a full bed set complete with wall art at less than 20 weeks. I then changed gears to panicing about losing this little girl as well. What if we put all this work/time/money into getting everything ready for her and we lose her too? Could I really handle repainting her walls, putting away her clothes and taking down the decorations we had so lovingly put up for her? Once I had completely exhausted myself with my melt down, and caused myself to be sick from crying so hard I finally took some benedryl and managed to fall asleep.

I think I really just needed to get all of that built up stress and concearn out because I woke up the next day feeling much better. I felt ok about the changes we had made to the nursery, and was glad that I allowed myself to feel and express the pain that changing "Noah's room" to his little sister's room caused me. Later that day DH and I decided it was time we stopped wondering "what if" and we went out and bought some stuff for our little girl from her mommy and daddy. We got some cute clothes and some things to hang on the wall and I even picked out some material to try my amatuer sewing skills at making a few things for her. I think I need to stop thinking of this pregnancy as something that will probably only end in pain and try to celebrate this little girl like she deserves, regardless of any possibility of heartbreak down the road.

Thanks for reading my little novel, it really helps to get it all out there.

blessedhope · August 2012

many hugs. Just today I was standing in the middle of our empty nursery thinking to myself, "how will I ever feel happy in this room? Will I ever have a living breathing baby in this room? Should I even begin thinking about making this into a nursery again?" I totally understand what an emotional time this must be for you. As you said just try to let yourself enjoy this time and all the generosity of your in-laws.

rebekam · August 2012

Oh hun! Sending lots of huge hugs your way!

Allycat11 · August 2012

((hugs)) I can not imagine how difficult that must have been for you.

Petunia844 · August 2012

Big huge hugs mama, sometimes we really just have to let it all out and it really does help. Just know you aren't alone in any of this... everything you felt and still feel are totally normal.... at least I hope so or we're both crazy. Stick out tongue

tbone_bride · August 2012

Thinking of you

It's nice that your DH was there for you and the two of you had a special day together buying your baby girl some clothes.

Mom2anAngel2 · August 2012

(((BIG HUGS)))

mork · August 2012

*hugs*

[Deleted User] · August 2012

((big hugs)) you are very brave for working on the nursery. I love your attitude, you are right. It's only fair that you celebrate this little girl regardless of any chance of heartbreak down the line. I'm glad to hear that letting yourself feel your feelings made you feel better.

kpowers982 · August 2012

My heart hurt reading your post, I can't even imagine all the conflicting feelings you are dealing with. I admire your strength and courage. Hugs, dear!

nuttycoconut · August 2012

Wow that must have been so hard I hope you got some rest and are feeling more at peace today. I am not looking forward to registering again and decorating the nursery again. Thanks for sharing your experience so those of us a few weeks behind you can be prepared for what's to cone,

big_noise · August 2012

Hugs. Such a hard transition.

littlepenguin2012 · August 2012

Big ((hugs)). It is so brave that you and DH already tackled this. We keep finding reasons to put off doing this. I bought a few things, so now the whole room is mixed in together and I'll have to go through it all again- I am not looking forward to it.

orangegoggles · August 2012

((Big hugs))

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