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November 2012 Moms
Alondrasilva10
member
Daycare vs. My mother
Alondrasilva10
member
The subject pretty much sums up the story, my mother would like to watch the baby the first 12 months of her life. She would be paid the same amount we would pay the day care we are currently looking into ($180) so we would not be saving any money by having my mom care for her. My mother lives 5 minutes away from where I work (I work 8am-5pm) so it would be easy to visit during lunch time for feedings and such. Also, if the baby gets sick my mother would be able to take her to the doctor which would really help since I have taken off so much already due to prenatal appointments, maternity leave, etc.
I am seriously stuck and maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that i am a first time mother. Any advice would be appreciated.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Daycare vs. My mother
You've really only listed the positives, so what is holding you back? It seems like a good setup. Do you like your mother? Do you trust her to follow your guidelines when taking care of your LO?
If my mom lived in town and could/wanted to watch my kids, I'd definitely take advantage. I prefer more one on one care for infants who need lots of cuddling and attention more than they need socialization in a day care setting. It would be great having someone I love and trust wath my kids vs a stranger. But, I love and trust my mom and don't feel it would cause any sort of issues between us.
As long as the person is willing to claim it, you can still claim it for tax purposes or daycare spending reimbursement from your work. You just have to have them give you a receipt with the amount paid, the dates, and their SSN on it. I'd ask for them to claim it before I'd rule it out.
Well, positives are really all I could think of but I only have a few..so I thought maybe there was something I wasn't seeing. Something I wasn't thinking about for example taxes (thanks PP!). I looove love love the idea of my mother caring for my child and I know she will do a super job caring for her. Just want to weigh the pro's and con's before my husband and I make a decision.
My grandmother watched DS from the time he was born until now. (He starts preschool September 4th). She will also watch DD when she is born.
I really enjoy the bond that DS got with his great grandmother, she is very active for a grandma. (Takes him fishing, grocery shopping, swimming, outside to play, etc.) The only downfall that I would like you to consider is the socialization with other children. He is not 100% sociable. It takes him awhile to come around to people because his family is all he has really known (aside from a couple of close friends who have children his age).
He went to preschool last year as a 3 year old but did not prosper from it at all. I'm hoping that this year will be better.
With DD I will definitely make it a point to get her out and socializing with other children as much as possible instead of just with family and close friends. I don't know if DS being with grandma is the cause of his lack of socializing or if it is just his personality.
Just something to think about....
I never pay my mother for watching my daughter. She wouldn't take it if I tried, so I compensate her in oher ways (I bought her a crib and bedding for her house. I bought a small wardrobe and a carseat to keep over there. I stocked her up on bottles, diapers, wipes, blankets, etc. I buy her groceries on occasion or cook dinner for her on days she works late. Stuff like that.) I let my mother watch DD every chance she asks because (for us) next to Mom and Dad, Gran is best. I have an incredible relationship with my dad's parents and I want DD to have the same with her grandparents. If you have the same sentiments, I think your mom is a great choice.
Playing devil's advocate here: a few things to think about. There will come a time when your mother is doing something or not doing something that you ask. You need to be prepared for these confrontations. They're not easy, but they're necessary. For example: we "scheduled" our daughter to eat, play, then sleep. My mom would put her down immediately after eating; DD would poop in her sleep then wake up and nap time was compromised. My mama was a nursing mom too, but it had been two and a half decades since she'd nursed her last baby. She would feed DD a bottle of milk and pour out whatever was left! (Still hurts to think about it!) I had to very gently remind her of proper breastmilk handling and storage. Those conversations were easy, but I was scared to confront my mom. I will say those talks made it easier for the "hard one" we just had about discipline. DD needs to be disciplined by them when she's in their care, but I didn't like them putting her in the crib for time out. I use the front door mat at both their house and mine and I use a timer for consistency. My dad didn't understand the difference and "it worked just fine when y'all were kids", but he got a dose of reality when he tried to put her to bed and she thought she was in trouble again. He watched me do a timeout the next morning and saw it was much less "dramatic" than what they'd done the night before. Then he was on board.
Those are just some examples of disagreements I've had with my parents over things. (MIL is a whole different story!!!) If my mom could, I'd let her have my kids all the time. Good luck with your decision!
I hate to say this in a forum like this, because so many people here really need to put their child in day care. I'll preface this with saying that I have never worked anywhere where any of these issues caused any real harm to come to a child, and that I would feel generally safe leaving my own child in most of the programs I have worked in, provided I was working there. I also want to say that this is not a commentary on my current place of business, which truly has a fantastic infant program. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but...
I have worked in 4 daycare centers. If you're looking for cons, here they go:
-The amount of training required for a daycare employee in most states is minimal. We're all trained in basic first aid and infant/child CPR, but not really very much at all in how to care for a child. I had <1 hour of training before I started my first childcare position. I have taken the same training in each of my childcare centers before I started.
- A criminal background check is required for all employees of a daycare center, as well as a child abuse clearance. That said, you need to have been caught doing something in order for your clearance to be denied. Most daycare centers do not drug test, as it's cost prohibitive. I have worked in at least two centers where I suspected that my co worker was using/ under the influence at work, and there was nothing my boss could legally do about because there wasn't any proof.
- Babies don't understand appropriate social behaviors. They are also curious. If your child's hair or ear looks interesting to a classmate, it's going to get pulled. Maybe hard. Kids hit other kids with toys. Teething babies bite, and when they're developing that grabbing reflex, they pinch. It's not like they're trying to hurt one another. Its a double edged sword of sorts. They learn how to behave in a social situation, but they hurt each other often in the process.
-Daycares have more than just infants. Young children have yet to master good hygiene, and not every parent keeps their child at home when they are sick. I can't tell you how often the kid who just wiped his nose on the back of his hand tries to grab a baby's hand when we walk by them. I prevent this nine out of ten times, but that other time... We keep older kids out of the infant room at our center. Not every center does this. If another baby has a little cold, it's not enough to exclude him from care. This does allow your child a lot of exposure to illnesses and can help them build a stronger immune system, but at first they'll get sick a bunch, and they'll share it with you...
-If your child is a light sleeper, and another child in his class is teething, you can bet your baby's nap will be interrupted by the screaming teether.
- you don't know anything about the parents of the other children in your child's class. Those people have access to your child every day...
Just some things to think about. I know not everyone has other options, but IMO, if you do, go for it!
Also, quick add regarding socialization/ cons of staying home with a grandparent...
I once had a three year old boy who was completely unable to do anything for himself. He had stayed home with his grandmother until coming to our class. She spoon fed him, wiped him after toileting, dressed him, and gave him what he wanted with a point of his finger. He still drank juice from a bottle. He didn't talk much at all. It didn't take him long to catch up, but make sure you and your mother are nurturing some age appropriate independence if you go that way.
As far as socialization goes, there are many part time preschool programs for children as young as two, and mommy and me classes are held on weekends and also welcome grandmas! If you wanted to nurture a social environment and you don't have friends or family with small chidren, these are social alternatives to daycare.
Well, since its only the baby's first year that she'll be under her grandmothers care I don't see how it will hurt her social skills. My mother knows it's important for the little ones to interact with other children. I feel we are on the same page when it comes to most things (if anything she might know more than I do..she did raise 4 kids on her own).I also feel a lot better about my mother caring for her now that I don't have any strong con's on this option. Thank you ladies for all your help! As always, it's very much appreciated
The only con I see is that it might be a rough transition to daycare at 12 months, but many kids go into daycare later in age and adjust just fine. They are resilient.
My mother-in law watches my son and will watch our second child as well. We pay her the same as we would pay any other daycare.
The only con I have found is it's sometimes difficult to discuss conflicts or areas we are not aligned. I pick and choose my battles, and my MIL is pretty receptive to feedback.
For socialization, we rely on Church, Playgroups, parks etc.
You WILL be utterly shocked at how much your child learns/understands within that first year. Social skills are nurtured from extremely early on. It is very important that some socialization occurs during the first year. I think it was around 3 months when we really started thinking, "wow... this kid seems to understand some of what's happening around here." Classes, play groups, story times, swimming lessons... all that stuff can be started at a young age (as young as 6 weeks), and it's valuable.
Also, what backup plan do you have if your mom is sick, the car breaks down, she wants to go on vacation with your dad, etc. What about when she has appointments? Maybe look into if any local daycare centers offer drop-in care for those circumstances.
IHMO, there's much more evidence that young kids do better with more unstructured free play time at home than they do being in a structured/scheduled daycare environment or in scheduled classes. It's not like babies who are home don't get socialized. You don't need to be around babies or children only your own age to gain social skills. I work PT, but when I'm home with my DS, we don't live in a bubble. We run errands together, interact with our neighbors, etc. I don't see any need to set up special times to teach him social skills. To me, this is just like the big myth that many people use to oppose homeschooling.