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Special Needs
Looking for support and answers...
My five year old son has just entered Kindergarten. I've known for a long time that he's had issues with speech and language. When he was passed over for preschool in the state lottery program, I made dozens of calls until I found a Headstart with room. I was hoping that his issues stemmed from not being around other children his age. When he went into preschool, he couldn't string two words together. He communicated in single-word sentences and pointing.
I saw him improve in leaps and bounds, but it wasn't enough for the teacher to say he was on level with his peers.
Fast-forward a year. He's been evaluated by the school speech-therapists, we've had a meeting to set up an IEP for him, but still...I feel like I don't have enough answers. When they asked me at these meetings, "What are your personal goals for the future as far as his progress?" ...I always say, "I want to understand what's wrong. I want to know what he's capable of and why." I don't want to punish him for not paying attention or doing something I told him not to do...if he genuinely didn't understand what was expected of him because he can't understand what I'm saying to him!!
What's making me panic now...is that I see him giving up. He assumes now that adults don't understand him when he talks. When you tell him "no" to something or tell him that we can't talk about what he wants to talk about...he starts to repeat himself. It's like, "If you only understood me, you'd say yes." This gets him in trouble. So now...increasingly...he says he's "joking" when an adult asks him "what?" or he says "never mind." or "it doesn't matter." or "stop talking please!"
I guess I'm just wanting to know if there are other parents going through this...what am I supposed to be thinking or doing to keep my son from giving up on ever communicating with others?? Should I bring my concerns to the school speech-therapists?? I just feel so lost at how to help my little boy....
Any help is appreciated...TIA
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Re: Looking for support and answers...
I would suggest bringing up your concerns with your son's speech therapists, and possibly holding another IEP meeting to get everyone on board.
In the mean time, positive reinforcements and eye contact with him may help for when he is trying to tell you/teachers/adults something? When it comes to communication with other children, they might not be as patient.
I have a 4 1/2 y/o son who also has a speech delay, so these are things we have tried to do with him. Consistency is the hardest part, we have found, along with getting all of his teachers/sitters/etc on the same page as us.
Question, though: is he able to understand you/directions, or is the problem that he isn't able to communicate back to you in situations?
How long has he been in speech therapy? Unfortunately, they're not going to be able to give you answers overnight. My son has been in speech therapy for over a year now, and while they have a pretty good idea of what's wrong, they still haven't officially diagnosed him yet.
What does your pediatrician think? I'm at a loss as to why a pedi would let a child get to preschool age without even being able to string two words together without getting him some outside help. Why hasn't she referred him to a developmental pediatrician? I would be looking for a new pediatrician if these issues went without being addressed for so long and would ask for a developmental pedi referral.
Would you consider private speech therapy if you feel like the school department isn't providing enough services? It can be costly out of pocket, but worth it if you have the money to do so.
Talk about it with the speech therapists. Maybe if they can't help you, they can help you get in contact with the resources who can. When Chris first started EI it was for speech and special instruction but when he was not making any progress in speech, the therapist asked us if we would consent to a psych eval. We weren't convinced but we consented and PDD-NOS got invited to the party. Since then, the therapy approaches have changed and he's made a world of progress.
It's hard I know - especially when I see my little guy wanting to give up too. He gets tired and frustrated. For a short time, when he couldn't communicate what he wanted, he'd get really frustrated, slap/claw at his mouth and then would just start wailing. It was like his mouth was the problem and he knew it and he hated it. But we were patient and even if he could only get one word out, we praised it. Now he does whole sentences - granted it's the same sentence with maybe one word changed out but it's progress. Just keep encouraging him.
{{hugs}}
In answer to what one of you asked, it *is* also a comprehension thing. The school speech therapists told us that it's unusual to have a problem with speech and not also have problems with comprehension, so we were led to expect it. His vocabulary is huge for a kid his age (their evaluation said so) but it seems like, once the words get put together, the longer the sentence he needs to hear...the harder it is for him to understand it. We find ourselves making multi-step directions into several small sentences or else he'll just stare at us or wander off, pretending to know what we wanted. (ex: "Go to the shelf. Look up. See the phone? Bring me the phone." Instead of: "Go over to the shelf, look up, and bring me my phone.")
It took a long time to realize that he sincerely didn't understand what we wanted him to do... It makes me very upset about all the times I put him in time-out or got frustrated with him for "not listening" or "not paying attention" when really...I may as well have been speaking a foreign language at him!
I'll contact his speech therapists today about my concerns. Thank you all for making me feel like it's ok!
It is not clear from your posts whether or not your son is getting speech therapy. If not, he needs to start straight away.
Both my boys attended speech therapy. DS1 from 18-24 months (or so) and DS2 from 20-39m (on hiatus now but 'caught up'). There are no quick fixes in speech therapy, lots of work and repetition at home after the sessions as well.
The speech therapists that I've been involved in have shared that it is not uncommon for an older child to 'give up' and/or get frustrated when expressive speech lags behind their peers. I know you can't go back in time, but for someone else who might be reading this, if you suspect a speech delay, don't wait to engage services. Some kids are able to resolve on their own in time, but some kids (and parents) need help. I did.
As for what you can do in the short term. I'd advise to use some new vocabulary to express your need for him to repeat himself. So, if he comes out with some gibberish and you've pick up only one word or the general intent, respond "sorry DS, I only heard "X", can you try again?" or something similar. Keep your patience very, very high as a model for him. In terms of eliciting verbal responses from him, keep your expectations simple by giving him short tasks/questions/etc., things that you will know he will be able to successfully respond to. This might build confidence.
In my experience some intelligibility is lost as vocabulary expands. This is normal. Lots and lots of little kids are hard to understand when they are stringing longer sentences together with more complex ideas. Your job will be to help him slow things down, rephrase things so you can understand and encourage him to keep trying.
I know it is hard. My own frustration level grew as (especially) DS2 would speak long, intense sentences my way and I would have NO idea what on earth he was talking about. I'd use context clues and anything else I could to make educated guessses in his direction. Sometimes I would say to my son "DS, I can't quite understand what you're saying, let me think about that for a minute". The key, IME, is to keep trying, simplify things for success and do whatever you can to keep the frustration at bay.
Know that you're not alone. Get regular speech therapy started ASAP and good luck.