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custody....

labellaellalabellaella
in Single Parents
so im pregnant and due in september, and my babys dad and i just broke up... i think his mom is going to get him to go after custody of my baby... my lawyer said that i didnt really have much to worry about since he doesnt have a job and i do, and i plan on breastfeeding, but im just curious if i could get full custody and he just get visitation? i want my son to know his dad, but im scared if i let baby go over there with him and his mother that i wont ever see my baby again.
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Re: custody....

  • DaenariaDaenaria
    Very unlikely court will give him partial custody while breastfeeding. After that, yes, but before that, very rare.
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  • kayladaykayladay member
    My XH has supervised visitation only, and I have full custody. I wasn't taken to court or anything, just wanted it that way and my lawyer put it in the papers!
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  • UberBizUberBiz member

    It really depends a lot on the state and county you are in. Most likely you will get full physical custody and the father will get visitation. You go to a hearing first and if you can't agree on a visitation schedule, you both sit with a mediator and hash it out, you both sign and it gets signed by a judge.

    I learned the hard way to have everything documented and not make changes between yourselves. IF it's documented in the court orders and he goes against it, then you can file a complaint. I've made concessions to keep the peace and it's worked out (more or less) over the years. Me and the BD split when DD was 13 months and she just turned 7 this summer.

    Also remember that child support is not contingent on visitation, or vice versa. It's a separate order.

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  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush member
    What the others have said. Interestingly enough, my minister told us when he sees this, it's almost always the paternal grandmothers pushing for their sons to get custody, and even they do, the grandmothers do the parenting.
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  • labellaellalabellaella

    imageFyreFlyeRush:
    What the others have said. Interestingly enough, my minister told us when he sees this, it's almost always the paternal grandmothers pushing for their sons to get custody, and even they do, the grandmothers do the parenting.

    thats what im scared of!! shes gonna tell alot of lies about me and try to take him! 

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  • UberBizUberBiz member
    Just remember, hearsay won't hold up in court. If she can't show proof or documentation of her "lies," she may not even be allowed to say anything at the hearing. Hearing officers where I went didn't deal too well with BS. He's not going to get custody by someone else saying that "you're a bad person."
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  • labellaellalabellaella

    imageUberBiz:
    Just remember, hearsay won't hold up in court. If she can't show proof or documentation of her "lies," she may not even be allowed to say anything at the hearing. Hearing officers where I went didn't deal too well with BS. He's not going to get custody by someone else saying that "you're a bad person."

    can he get custody still though? 

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  • UberBizUberBiz member

    I don't think you need to worry. You will most likely get full physical custody. My ex scared me at first by saying he was going to get a really good lawyer and he said all this nasty stuff about me (not at the hearing, but beforehand), and so I went and got an attorney, went in to the hearing expecting a huge fight. I had all my ducks in a row (pay stubs, insurance, plus the attorney spoke for me), and he showed up with NOTHING. Guess who got custody? We went to mediation and made a visitation schedule and he got to see her every other weekend and alternating holidays and two weeks in the summer. It's worked out so far.

    Anyway, the point is that anger leads to a lot of empty threats, and until you actually go to the hearing and find out what's on the table, there's no sense in stressing out about it.

    ALSO, as a side note, I was the one who filed for custody. I am convinced to this day that if I hadn't done the paperwork myself, my ex would NOT have done it and he probably would have left us well enough alone. Half of me wishes I hadn't filed, but the other half is glad she at least has that chance to know her father, no matter how much of a jerk I think he is.

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