Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
AutumnLeaves2
member
Re: Re-Post from August Board: For Those Who Had C-Sections...
1. They didn't, but we're waiting like 3-4 years lol.
2. My OB practice (which is the only one in my area) doesn't do VBACs. So, even if I didn't have a bunch of complications and need a RCS, I'd most likely get one anyway. I wish I could VBAC.
1. They didn't give me a timeframe, but we are waiting a year or two before trying again anways. I also have PCOS, so I imagine it will be even longer than that before we actually get pregnant.
2. My Dr said it would be up to me which route I wanted to take provided there aren't extenuating medical circumstances that would require a c/s (placenta previa, emergency, etc). She gave me the pros and cons of each and said we would revisit the topic when the time came.
1. My insurance only allows me to see an OB when pregnant, so I haven't had the conversation on when we can TTC, but we don't want to anytime soon.
2. I was told I could VBAC, but that is as they rolled me in the OR because I was so upset I had to have a C section.
My question to you would be why did you need a C section? If it was due to something that was unique to the pregnancy (breech baby, failure to progress, big baby that would not come out) then that isn't an absolute contraindication.
However, if you have another medical reason, I could see why.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
1. My doctor didn't give me a timeframe for getting pregnant again.
2. After my 1st c/s, my doctor let me know I was a candidate for VBAC. When I got pregnant with my second child, we did a lot of research and discussed everything with my doctor and decided I'd like to try for a VBAC. Unfortunately during labor my BP rose to a dangerous level, so my DH and I decided a c/s was best for our situation.
The baby was 8 lbs 8 ounces and wouldn't descend into my pelvis...they said something about the space between my bones being too narrow?
1) My doctor said he prefers 18 months of a wait, but if it happens before things are generally fine. He has just seen a greater risk of complications with less than 18 months.
2) He is going to let me try VBAC. He thinks that it is a pretty good option in my case as long as my baby is not abnormally large.
I would get a second opinion. One birth does not forecast another. Just because this one was difficult does not mean that all of your births will be the same. It doesn't hurt to meet with someone else and see what they think. Of course, this is if you wish for a VBAC. ICAN is a great place to start.
1. They didn't say, and I didn't ask, as I don't plan to TTC again (if ever) for at least 1-2 years. I've heard a very wide range of recommendations though, from no need to wait-2 years. It probably depends a lot on your personal situation, but 2.5 years seems like a long wait.
2. I was a very reluctant c/s patient (baby was breech) so my doctor made it very clear that I could try for a VBAC if we have another baby. However, I have already had one successful vaginal delivery (DD1) and there was no reason to suspect I couldn't have delivered this baby except for her position.
Marriage: 12.18.04
DD1: 5.19.10
DD2: 4.11.12
I would encourage you to visit the VBAC board. There are plenty of women that have experienced this the first time around and then go on to have happy and healthy VBACs
1. It wasn't discussed, but I always remember hearing 18mo is a healthy spacing between any pregnancies. That being said I know a lot of women don't do that and I actually had a girl I worked with that came back from her maternity leave after having a c-section pregnant! We waited until DS was 18mo before starting TTC #2 just b/c that's when my mommy amnesia kicked in about how hard having a newborn was, lol.
2. Like pp's said, it may be a policy of your OB or hospital. Both the hospital that my mom works at and the one that I delivered DS at don't do VBACs so I would've had to travel.
As far as when they schedule the c-section if that's what you end up having to do, most of the time they don't like you to go into labor which is why they schedule them earlier than 40wks. From what I've read on here it's pretty standard that between 38 and 39wks is when they are scheduled. My insurance prevents it from being scheduled before 39wks.
Also you could ge to get a second opinion when you are ready to TTC again. Go to another OB outside the practice and see what they say about the timing and your delivery options.
1. My doctor said I could get pregnant whenever I felt ready at my 6 week checkup. I also had a complication-free pregnancy and delivery though.
2. My doctor was fine with VBAC. I ended up with a RCS though because he was not comfortable with inducing and I didn't go into labor prior to my RCS date.
1.) How long did your doctors say you need to wait before you can try to conceive again?
I don't remember being given any restrictions, but we didn't have any plans to conceive very soon after we had our first.
2.) Did your doctor tell you that your next births HAVE to be c-sections or are they going to let you try for VBAC?
Why did you have a c-section?
I would find another provider if your current one is telling you only c/s from here on out. The risks of complications (or having placenta problems in future pregnancies) goes up with each c/s, whereas VBACs stay less risky.
FWIW, I pushed for 4+ hours with my first son before having a c/s (he was OP and just not coming out). I had a VBAC with my second, and my MW never gave me a hard time about planning a VBAC.
ETA: Find another doctor or midwife. There are a ton of us on the VBAC board who had successful VBACs after having a c/s because of FTP/FTD/CPD. My VBAC baby was 2+ lbs and 2+ inches bigger than my c/s baby. Good luck!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
1.) How long did your doctors say you need to wait before you can try to conceive again? They said I should wait a year
2.) Did your doctor tell you that your next births HAVE to be c-sections or are they going to let you try for VBAC? If I was still living where I delivered I would HAVE to have a c-section because they don't allow VBACs there anymore. But I have since moved and I haven't decided if I will do a scheduled c/s or try for a VBAC.
my dr said at least 2 years, and we did not go into real details about me having a schedule csection or trying VBAC; but he did say he recommends I schedule csection, but I had preclampsia and had complications during pregnancy and during delivery; so I am at a higher risk of getting that again. But we are waiting 2.5-3yrs and then i will look at all of my options.
Did your dr explain WHY you couldn't try for VBAC? maybe you can get a second opinion.
1. Absolute minimum 6 months but 1 yr would be better. We started TTC at 6 months.
2. They said I could try for a VBAC if I wanted. However, we have moved and I am in the process of finding a VBAC friendly Dr.
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui)
#1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
#2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015
#4!!!!!!! due June 2017
1.) How long did your doctors say you need to wait before you can try to conceive again? After my first c-section, I was told I could try again when ever we were ready. This time I had a different doctor and was not told a time frame we are waiting until I finish school in 2 years to try again.
2.) Did your doctor tell you that your next births HAVE to be c-sections or are they going to let you try for VBAC? The doctor that delivered my DD told me I had to have a c-section with my next. It was not an option to try for a VBAC. I found a new doctor who would let me try again if I wanted to but I did not have a good chance at being successful. In the end I went with a repeat c-section and it was a good thing I did because I would have never been able to vaginally deliver DS as he had/has a very large head over 100% and was very big like my dd at 10 pounds.
My OB didn't give me a time to wait before getting pg again. I will say that I was cleared by another doc to get pg 1 year after the twins were born.
My OB said that I could try for a VBAC, but my c/s was due to presentation.
You could always get a 2nd opinion if you don't agree with your doc to see if he's overly conservative or really just watching out for your safety.
I wasn't given a timeline but the earliest we'd try would be when DS is 2.5 - if we try at all as we may be 1 and done.
My dr said we'd hae to explore a couple things before we decide if VBAC is an option and he'd be able to give me a better idea before I get to second trimester. I am honestly not even sure I am interested in it because my CS was a very positive experience.
DH-34-MFI-motility+morphology.... Me-32-Hypothyrpid+LPD
7/8/11: Clomid100mg+Ovidrel+IUI#1=BFN
8/2/11: Clomid50mg+Ovidrel+IUI#2=BFFN
8/25/11: Follistim50iu+Ovidrel+IUI#3=BFP!!!!@14dpo
Beta#1 9/8 - 251 Beta#2 9/15 - 1622 Beta#3 9/22 - 12674
1st U/S; heard one beautiful HB of 129 - 9/29/11
OB visit; HB of 166 - 10/13/11
2nd US; HB of 163 - 10/18/11
A/S - 12/9/11 - It's a perfect healthy BOY!!!!
Our miracle baby boy - born 5/24/12
1) I was told it was fine to TTC at the 6 month mark, but we waited until DS was 1 to start trying.
2) The hospital where I deliver does not have an anesthesiologist on-staff at all times (only from 8a-5p), so the hospital does not allow VBAC. I'm fine with a repeat c/s this time, so I didn't switch drs, but if VBAC was important to me, I would have switched doctors/hospitals this time around.
Not everyone is a good candidate for VBAC, and it sounds like due to complications, you wouldn't be, but it's not uncommon for doctors to push for (or only perform) repeat c/s after one birth has been a c/s.
1. No doctor ever gave me a timeframe. I was PG with DS2 by the time DS1 was 19 months old.
2. I had to switch from midwives to an OB between pregnancies anyway, but never asked about a VBAC... there aren't very many doctors/hospitals around here that do VBACs.
1) Nobody gave me a time frame, but I'm pretty sure I made it clear to my OB at my 6 week check up that I wasn't getting KU'd again any time soon with twins still in the NICU.
2) I have no medical reason that I can't at least try a VBAC next time around.
Peanut Butter and Jelly!
<a href="http://s568.photobucket.com/albums/ss122/AliceNP/?action=view
What were the complications? Just that the baby wouldn't descend and you were deemed to narrow for the baby to fit or was there something else? It seems really odd to me they would tell you to wait 2 1/2 years before getting pg again.
I was told to wait 3-ish months before TTC so that my deliveries would be minimum of 12 months apart. They actually ended up being about 13 1/2 apart.
My OB nor the hospital does VBAC so my only option was to have a repeat or find a new doctor. She told me when we were making the decision of vaginal or c/section that going forward all deliveries would be c/sections. It doesn't matter one way or another to me.
BFP #2 10/29/08 ...stillborn via c/s @41w 7/20/09
missing my baby everyday
BFP #3 1/20/10 My angel's little sister Grace Madison was born September 8th 2010 @37w. We're so blessed! Thank you angel for getting her here safely.
BFP #4 12/30/11. Jackson Christopher 8/22/2012 via repeat c/s @ 37w 3d
MW suggested that my deliveries be min. 18 months apart if I wanted to VBAC.
She said there was no reason I couldn't have a VBAC.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
Please please please do some research and get more opinions. CPD is pretty rare. Often a change of position in labour can help open the pelvis. This is no reason, IMO, to delay getting pg. It may or may not necessitate a c/s in the future, but that doesn't need to be at 39 wks. You could wait to go into labour naturally before having a c/s.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
1. My normal annual was 6 months after my son was born. I got the all clear to TTC at that appointment. It was the first time I had asked.
2. No, my doctor and hospital are very pro VBAC. and it's what I'm hoping on. I have placenta previa. If it doesn't clear up I have to have a RCS to my dismay.