LGBT Parenting

Ask me anything!

Thought I'd get this party started for Monday.
Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts

Re: Ask me anything!

  • What was your biggest take-away from your last relationship?

    Do you have any leanings on prefering a boy or a girl? (of course it goes without saying that what we all want most is healthy, happy children, and gender doesnt really matter - just a "for funsies" question).

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  • hlkehlke member

    imagethemommymonster:
    How did you and DW meet? When did you know she was the one?

    DW and I met when I answered her post for a roommate on Craigslist.  I was just starting grad school and she was in her third year of her PhD.  We were roommates for over a year before we started "dating".  She was just coming out (to herself and to others) and I was still pondering the idea of what I wanted for my next relationship and if I was "really" bisexual if I'd never been with a woman at 28.  That year C spent about four months away and I *REALLY* missed her.  When she got back, we hung out ALL the time and basically were going on dates, but I hadn't come out to C yet!  Weird, I know, but I was trying to give her space to come out and figure things out without being like "oh, me too!"  I finally came out to her and a few months later we made the relationship "official".  Our friends all joke that we "pre-Uhauled".

    The moment that sticks out for me as when I knew she was "the One" is funny because it's actually from before we were officially dating.  We went out on a "not date" where we shared a "love boat" of sushi. (Eyeroll at myself, riiiiight, we weren't dating)  I hadn't had much sushi before and was pretty unsure about the whole thing, and C was just so excited to share with me how awesome sushi is.  Her enthusiasm and her way of making everything fun is one of the things I love most about her.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • hlkehlke member
    imagectbride08:

    What was your biggest take-away from your last relationship?

    That no one ever "wins" in a relationship fight.  You need to be a team, not adversaries, and when things get hard, you have to turn towards each other, not away from each other.  That marriage is more about commitment than love...love alone doesn't always get you through the hard times.

    imagectbride08:
     

    Do you have any leanings on prefering a boy or a girl? (of course it goes without saying that what we all want most is healthy, happy children, and gender doesnt really matter - just a "for funsies" question).

    I have some preference for a girl, because I feel like I understand girls better and don't intuitively know how to parent a boy.  But now that I have friends parenting boys, I'm less freaked out about the prospect of having a boy because honestly it doesn't seem that different when they're younger, and I have no idea how to parent a teenager of either gender.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • hlkehlke member
    imagectbride08:

    What was your biggest take-away from your last relationship?

    Or, if we're talking about the very brief relationship I had between ExH and DW, the biggest take away is "Don't date someone who is 32 and has never had a girlfriend who you met playing World of Warcraft." 

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • Boring, but I'm curious: What kind of law do you practice? 

    What would you eat for dinner tonight if (a) your stomach had unlimited room and (b) calories did not exist?  

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  • hlkehlke member
    imageleapgirl8:

    Boring, but I'm curious: What kind of law do you practice?

    I'm actually not a lawyer, but I do spend a lot of time reading regulations and talking about "clients" and "billable hours" and "contracts" so it feels the same some days. :)  I'm a health policy researcher for a contract research organization, and I work on evaluations of the Affordable Care Act and also the 1995 welfare reform act.  I had a similar job in Michigan, but focused on Michigan rather than federal policy.

    imageleapgirl8:
    What would you eat for dinner tonight if (a) your stomach had unlimited room and (b) calories did not exist?  

    Lobster with butter, corn on the cob, "loaded" mashed potatoes (bacon, cheese, sour cream), and a big slice of chocolate cake. 

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • Fun reading your answers so far hike! Here's another question for you!

    Being a health policy worker, what are your thoughts on the banning of large sodas in fast food restaurants? 

     

    IUI #1 - 10 April 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #2 - 05 May 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #3 - 05 July 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #4 - 30 August 2012 medicated and monitoredLetrozole and Ovidrel Trigger 
    IUI #5 - 27 September 2012 Letrozole 
    BFP! 9 October 2012 Betas:- 12DPO 16; 16DPO 96; 18DPO 315

    Baby Alarico born on 28 June 2013!!


  • hlkehlke member
    imageclairmeij:

    Being a health policy worker, what are your thoughts on the banning of large sodas in fast food restaurants? 

    Ooh, good question, and a hard one.

    I think we have a growing body of evidence to show that the "food environment" (basically what foods are available and at what cost) is a huge driver of the obesity epidemic.  Americans eat almost 1000 calories more a day than they did 30 years ago.  But I also think we are a long ways away from coming to a national consensus about how to fix the problem, and that a lot of the proposed restrictions make people feel like their freedom is being restricted or they are being told what to do.  So I totally get what NYC is trying to do, and the evidence is on their side, but I'm not sure the benefit of the ban is worth the political price of making public health seem like the "bad guy" who wants to take away your soda.  In an ideal world, I'd rather we have a big national discussion about food policy, including farm subsidies and food security programs, but I think we're a long way from that.

    As a side note, the NYC public health commissioner is very aggressive and I think it's interesting to watch "the New York experiment" and see how their different initiatives end up working out.  I like that we have people ballsy enough to try out new policies, so then nerds like me get to find out if they work.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • hlkehlke member
    imagestringy813:

    I was going to ask this morning what your favorite hiking spot is - because I always just looked at your sn and saw "hike".  And then I looked closely and realized that is an L not an I. If you do enjoy hiking, you can still answer that, if not, oh well!

    Hah!  HLKE are actually my initials, and they're my default "username" for things.  It's what I chose when I signed up for The Knot, without knowing it would someday be used on a message board.

    I do like to hike though!  I hiked on the Appalachian Trail a lot until I moved away from the East Coast.  The Midwest is a little "bleh" for hiking, but I'm going to (someday) get out with a Chicago-area hiking Meetup group.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • hlkehlke member
    imagestringy813:

    What are your favorite and least favorite parts of your job? 

    I have two favorite parts of my job.  One is learning new things - getting to learn a new substantive policy area or a new research method.  I really like researching something I don't know that much in depth and writing it up - often for proposals. My other favorite part is "hanging out with the data".  Running stats, figuring out how to analyze some data, or trying out a new approach to a problem we've been beating our heads against.  I don't even mind running descriptive statistics. :) 

     

    imagestringy813:
    What are the biggest misconceptions you think Americans have about public health initiatives and outcomes? (In my field, most people think that if a program/grant didn't increase student test scores it was useless.) 

    Oh my goodness, this is a hard one.  I think a lot of people think that everyone in this country gets healthcare because ERs are required to treat everyone, but that's not true.  ERs are only required to stabilize patients, not provide comprehensive medical treatment.  And I think most people don't realize that when public health is effective, you never know something happened - you don't hear about people NOT dying of infectious disease because of vaccinations or NOT getting cancer because of tobacco control policies.

    Healthcare is spending a lot of time in the news and public debate lately, and most of it drives me crazy.  Especially reading comment threads on news articles.  I don't know why I even do that. 

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • Your description of your relationship's start made me laugh.  :) B and I didn't live together, but the whole "not dating" thing is pretty much exactly what we did... because I was straight, you know.  :)

    Is it just you and your sister for siblings, or do you have others?  What's your relationship(s) with her/them like?

    TTC with PCOS since July 2011.
    IVF Oct/Nov 2012
    Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
    Cautiously optimistic.
  • Your screenname isn't h*i*ke??? WHAT? I wonder who else's I am misreading?? :-D
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  • I'm also finding learning more about your job very interesting!  Q: How does working in public health impact your personal health and decisions made there?
  • hlkehlke member

    imagectbride08:
    I'm also finding learning more about your job very interesting!  Q: How does working in public health impact your personal health and decisions made there?

    Great question.  First, it definitely means there is more "positive peer pressure" to be healthy at work, which I love.  But there's also some bias against overweight people, which makes me self-conscious sometimes.

    In terms of impacting my decisions, it has really helped me change my focus to my health over my appearance, and to small changes over big changes.  I spend a lot of time reading research, and knowing the research has helped me focus on the most important things.  So I prioritize exercise (150 minutes a week is recommended to prevent Type 2 diabetes, which I am at high risk for), getting plenty of fruits, vegetables, and fiber (prevents colon cancer and reduces risk of other cancers), and on modest weight loss (just 5% reduces your risk of heart disease) rather than being "all or nothing" about my health.  There's a lot of research that shows really modest efforts have the biggest health gains - getting 60 minutes of exercise a week and losing about 5% of your body weight is a HUGE improvement in your health.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • hlkehlke member
    imageKershnic:

    Is it just you and your sister for siblings, or do you have others?  What's your relationship(s) with her/them like?

    It is just me and my sister.  She's 4.5 years younger than me.  Our relationship has changed over the years.  We were very close until I left for college, and then not as close when each of us was in college.  After college my sister moved to the United Arab Emirates and we didn't keep in touch very well.  Then beginning three years ago, my sister had a baby, my dad died, and my sister's marriage broke down all in a 1.5 year period, which pretty much changed everything.  She's back living in the States and we are much closer now, and talk most days via text, gchat, or the phone.  We've had some rough patches reconnecting, but I'm happy we're working through them and becoming close again.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
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