Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Our son has a tongue problem
My heart breaks for you because this sounds very familiar to what we went through. My DD was not IUGR but was a micropreemie so weight gain was a struggle. PLEASE don't worry about the g-tube talk yet and honestly I wouldn't even entertain the discussion from the Neos until 44 weeks adjusted. Many people told me that suck, swallow, breathe dis coordination and other feeding troubles can be accepted until 44 weeks as normal preemie problems. Mentally I was prepared to talk them into letting us be discharged with and NG tube at 43-44 weeks and working on things at home all to try to avoid the G-tube.
Sensory stuff- we were worried about this too... my daughter wouldnt even open her mouth and then would plant her tongue at the roof of her mouth. She ironically was a great breast feeder. Maybe you could try to put him to the breast during a tube feed? Will he take a paci? Does he suck on it? Id try to have the paci in his mouth as much as possible especially during tube feeds.
Remember... he is just at term now, we ask alot of these little babies
. I know the panic feeling and its not a good one. Be kind to yourself over the next week or two.
www.virginiakkent.blogspot.com
Strangely, he drops his tongue every time for the paci. Maybe we will try giving it to him more often and see if it helps. I've always avoided giving it to him too much before feeds bc I worried it would tire him out.
Nurse today said he's one of the most difficult babies to feed that she's had in her entire 42 year career. She said the doctors are stumped. Not good!
Do you mind me asking what ended up happening? I know you're not in the NICU anymore so how did the tongue thing resolve itself? Nurse today kind of agrees that it just takes time, like what you were saying.
I stopped trying to bf because I thought I would just work on it when we get home. That was when I thought we were out the door two weeks ago. Also DS was a micropreemie too. 1 lb 3 oz at birth. He's just over 4 lbs now at term so I've wondered if I shouldn't just shelve my breastfeeding dream so he can keep getting his fortified bottles at every feed. He's got a lot of catching up to do.
Thank you for your kind response.
I don't post very often, but our daughter has struggled with an oral aversion and there's a lot of problem solving involved. I'm so sorry you're going through this!
Have you tried a different nipple (perhaps with a different flow speed)? Is he feeding on the NICU schedule, or could you try ad lib feeding? I'd also see if you can try nursing, he might take to it well.
Good luck!
We literally just talked the nurse practitioner into letting him feed on demand. So as much as he wants but no more than 4 hours between bottles. He drops his tongue if he's hungry enough that's for sure. We'll see what he does.
And yes we have tried different bottles. We started on doc brown w/ preemie nipple. I think that was too slow so we started trying different ones and are sticking with an evenflo level 1 right now.
First- try to ignore the nurses/docs that are alarmists... I hardly imagine it is the worst she has seen in whatever number of years. They are full of bologna.
We started getting really worried around term. My DD was showing some oral aversion like I described before and was also having horrible choking episodes. She couldnt handle the bolus that she was getting from the bottle, hence why she did better and was more eager to BF. These babies are smart they dont want to do what they dont like.
At 39-40 weeks they did another brain MRI to rule out anything neurological, chest xray and blood gas/ lites to make sure respiratory wasnt involved (she was off oxygen and diuretics at that point but they thought that maybe hthey had pushed her to far), a swallow study to be sure that the mechanics were all good and rule out silent reflux, and an endotrachial study to be sure that was all good (she didnt cry much so they were concerned about damage or paralyzed vocal chords from her long intubation)
After all that came back good, she really just needed time. She sorta "woke up" at 41 weeks and for the first time was waking for feeds/fussing and at 42 weeks got the hang of the bottle. Force feeding babies is no fun so when she finally decided she was hungry things got easier.
Going ad lib helped her, as did trying different bottles. Have you tried a haberman bottle? Its meant for kids with cleft palate and really was only helpful when the nurses were really comfortable with it, but I do think it helped her get over the hump.... def not a long term solution though.
www.virginiakkent.blogspot.com
Sorry I don't have time to read all responses so I might be echoing what others have said...but a few tips...
1) Go to ad lib feeding (feed when they seem hungry)
2) make sure you have a nurse that knows LO
3) if all else fails ask for a PEDIATRIC GI to come in and consult.
What happened with us was the insurance was pressuring the hospital to discharge around 41 weeks. They tried to get us to put in a G tube and I said absoultely not, she just needed more time.
4) The compromise was an ng tube (through the nose) and a fewm ore days. Ours figured it out before the NG tube went in. Also once home for a few days we figured out she had acid reflux and went on meds for a few months...Hope that helps!