friend lost her baby

J+L2006 · August 2012

I just found out a close friend of mine lost her son the day before her due date. He had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck when he dropped. I was hoping to donate to a charity in his name and was hoping you could recommend some. My first thought was March of Dimes- but I wasn't sure if there were others more appropriate since he wasn't premature or unhealthy. His mother is a teacher, maybe an educational charity? Any suggestions will be most appreciated.

marhar7106 · August 2012

That is incredibly sad and I can't even express how sorry I am for her loss, but why would you post something like this on a board full of women in the end of their pregnancies? How scary!

JodiAriel · August 2012

It's a nice thought, but do you really think this is the most appropriate place to ask this? In the third trimester boards right where your friend was? Why wouldn't you post to the Loss board or something like that?

bellz9 · August 2012

JodiAriel:

It's a nice thought, but do you really think this is the most appropriate place to ask this? In the third trimester boards right where your friend was? Why wouldn't you post to the Loss board or something like that?

agree

J+L2006 · August 2012

I did not mean to offend... my deepest apologies.

pinitbaby · August 2012

I am also very sorry to hear but it does add stress to those coming to the end of their pregnancies on here. I myself aren't aware of many charities for babies besides Sick Kids Hosptial which is in Toronto Canada where I grew up..I would honestly ask on the loss boards. Good luck.

punkrockabye · August 2012

I would definitely suggest the loss board, just put a warning in the title for your sig pic and make it obvious that you're looking for support for a friend so the ladies know why you're there before reading. It's definitely not the most appropriate thing to post on this board although I do give you props for the thread title; we all knew what the topic was going to be. I would have been a little more jolted if I clicked on a thread such as "which charity?" and was slammed with "my friend lost her baby a day before her due date" but I must admit, at this point in my pregnancy, this is a pretty devastating thing to see (although it would be at any time, honestly).

I do hope you find a good charity, it does sound like a very nice thing to do in honor of her baby.

baeluevano · August 2012

That's a really nice gesture. I found these ones...

https://www.firstcandle.org/

https://www.healthybirthday.org/

I hope you find one that you like. & my prayers are with your friend at this very difficult time.

sowingseasons · August 2012

I have always been a fan of www.operationsmile.org

Sorry to hear about your friends loss. I think it is a great gesture to donate in the child's name.

mlf625 · August 2012

WTF are you thinking? Obviously this is super tragic for your friend, but you really think a bunch of women nearing their EDD need something else to up their anxiety?

This is one case where there's nothing wrong with DDing. Ugh.

TrudyCampbell · August 2012

Oh gosh, that is so sad.

sowingseasons · August 2012

mlf625:
WTF are you thinking? Obviously this is super tragic for your friend, but you really think a bunch of women nearing their EDD need something else to up their anxiety?
This is one case where there's nothing wrong with DDing. Ugh.

Loss is apart of childbirth. Some women on this site need to grow up and face the facts that sad things like the loss of a child can happen. You don't want to read about a loss then don't click on the post! Obviously the post's title is pretty clear about the content of the post. She is asking for some suggestions, not trying to scare women to death.

I have about 11 days left until my EDD and you know what? I am not freaking out over this post! It has not made me worry more or risen my anxiety.

GROW UP!

FrickandFrack · August 2012

mlf625:
WTF are you thinking? Obviously this is super tragic for your friend, but you really think a bunch of women nearing their EDD need something else to up their anxiety?
This is one case where there's nothing wrong with DDing. Ugh.

This was quite harsh. It's not like the OP didn't state clearly what this post was about. Maybe you should have skipped over it.

OP, I think March of Dimes is a great idea and I'm so very sorry for your friends loss.

mlf625 · August 2012

sowingseasons:
mlf625:
WTF are you thinking? Obviously this is super tragic for your friend, but you really think a bunch of women nearing their EDD need something else to up their anxiety?
This is one case where there's nothing wrong with DDing. Ugh.
Loss is apart of childbirth. Some women on this site need to grow up and face the facts that sad things like the loss of a child can happen. You don't want to read about a loss then don't click on the post! Obviously the post's title is pretty clear about the content of the post. She is asking for some suggestions, not trying to scare women to death.
I have about 11 days left until my EDD and you know what? I am not freaking out over this post! It has not made me worry more or risen my anxiety.
GROW UP!

Confused Oh, what, losses happen? I'm SO SHOCKED. Listen, I lost two babies before having DS. I've had good friends with full term losses. Still, I don't think the 3rd tri board is a place for some random to come on and ask for advice about this - what do the average posters on a 3rd tri board know about how to help a friend who has suffered such a loss? Nada. I can't think of a less appropriate place for this post.

And FWIW, no, the title is not clear. It doesn't say "friend lost her full term baby", so I assumed that this would be a post from a 3rd tri poster about a friend with an early m/c. Which, obviously, I'd be able to offer sound advice on dealing with.

sowingseasons · August 2012

mlf625:
sowingseasons:
mlf625:
WTF are you thinking? Obviously this is super tragic for your friend, but you really think a bunch of women nearing their EDD need something else to up their anxiety?
This is one case where there's nothing wrong with DDing. Ugh.
Loss is apart of childbirth. Some women on this site need to grow up and face the facts that sad things like the loss of a child can happen. You don't want to read about a loss then don't click on the post! Obviously the post's title is pretty clear about the content of the post. She is asking for some suggestions, not trying to scare women to death.
I have about 11 days left until my EDD and you know what? I am not freaking out over this post! It has not made me worry more or risen my anxiety.
GROW UP!
Oh, what, losses happen? I'm SO SHOCKED. Listen, I lost two babies before having DS. I've had good friends with full term losses. Still, I don't think the 3rd tri board is a place for some random to come on and ask for advice about this - what do the average posters on a 3rd tri board know about how to help a friend who has suffered such a loss? Nada. I can't think of a less appropriate place for this post.
And FWIW, no, the title is not clear. It doesn't say "friend lost her full term baby", so I assumed that this would be a post from a 3rd tri poster about a friend with an early m/c. Which, obviously, I'd be able to offer sound advice on dealing with.

She's not asking for advice on how to help her friend to deal with it. She asked about charities she can donate to.

FormerlyKrista555 · August 2012

I don't think the OP was that out of line, and doesn't deserve to be flamed.

If you are a person of average intelligence, you already know that there is such a thing as stillbirths. She didn't give you brand new information. Her sharing the story of her friends' tragedy doesn't increase or decrease your statistical chances. It's something that is horrific, but not hearing these stories doesn't change the fact that they happen.

OP, I'm so very sorry for your friend's loss.

pinitbaby · August 2012

amy052006:

I mean really "I feel so sorry for my friend who suffered a tragic loss that could befall any of you. But I am such an awesome person I am going to make a donation. Except I won't google to get my answer, I will ask strangers. So strangers know I am doing it."

It is just weird. Weird lace to post it, weird to announce your intentions. Just weird.

This...I'm totally getting the same vibe. Makes me wonder if it got posted to facebook too ugh

LivingItUpInUP · August 2012

FormerlyKrista555:
I don't think the OP was that out of line, and doesn't deserve to be flamed.

If you are a person of average intelligence, you already know that there is such a thing as stillbirths. She didn't give you brand new information. Her sharing the story of her friends' tragedy doesn't increase or decrease your statistical chances. It's something that is horrific, but not hearing these stories doesn't change the fact that they happen.

OP, I'm so very sorry for your friend's loss.

This. I can't believe how immature and insensitive some of these women are being. Yes, it's a terrifying reality that you could lose your baby at full term, but it's a reality. What if someone's friend lost their baby to SIDS during the first year, should they not post for advice on a parenting board because it will scare some women? Grow up and get a heart.

KibbieRose · August 2012

LivingItUpInUP:
FormerlyKrista555:
I don't think the OP was that out of line, and doesn't deserve to be flamed.

If you are a person of average intelligence, you already know that there is such a thing as stillbirths. She didn't give you brand new information. Her sharing the story of her friends' tragedy doesn't increase or decrease your statistical chances. It's something that is horrific, but not hearing these stories doesn't change the fact that they happen.

OP, I'm so very sorry for your friend's loss.

This. I can't believe how immature and insensitive some of these women are being. Yes, it's a terrifying reality that you could lose your baby at full term, but it's a reality. What if someone's friend lost their baby to SIDS during the first year, should they not post for advice on a parenting board because it will scare some women? Grow up and get a heart.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's not the OP who was insensitive.

Anyone who has taken the time to be educated throughout their pregnancy would have probably heard by the 3rd tri that while it's not very common, umbilical cords can become wrapped around the baby.

We all know car accidents happen. If OP had said her friend had lost the baby due to being in a car accident, would we all be scared that we would lose our babies the next time we got in the car?

blindvictory · August 2012

mlf625:
WTF are you thinking? Obviously this is super tragic for your friend, but you really think a bunch of women nearing their EDD need something else to up their anxiety?
This is one case where there's nothing wrong with DDing. Ugh.

Um, this exactly.

I genuinely didn't know a baby could basically hang themselves on their cord, and now I feel like I'm either going to throw up or cry. I did not need one more thing to feel anxious about.

ETA: Yeah, obviously, I understand that a cord can get wrapped, but that's a much clearer mental picture than I'd had before and I can't say I'm enjoying the enlightenment. And I also agree that when I read the title, I wasn't thinking "full term baby". I was thinking m/c, and having been through that myself, figured I could give advice.

tinyhumantoe · August 2012

I'm baffled that so many posters are upset by this post. I do not think it's out of line or insensitive. I think the responses are strange and misplaced.

OP I'm sorry about your friend's loss. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for donations.

weddingnewbie2011 · August 2012

I have to agree with mlf. She may have sounded a little harsh & I'm sure OP is not being insensitive, but I don't see why this has to be posted on the 3rd tri board. The loss board would be much more appropriate.

I too opened up the thread thinking it's about a 3rd tri mommy with a friend recently m/s (I'm in a similar situation looking for advice), but hearing a full term baby passing really upsets me. Being so close to giving birth, this has really hit close to home . Yes, I understand there are risks, but being reminded of it a few weeks before birth is quite stressful for a FTM. OP, I'm so so sorry to hear about your friend's loss, sending her many T&Ps

DelBride2012 · August 2012

I am surprised at all the referrals to the Loss board. They'd be way more pissed than 3rd tri.

zombiemommie · August 2012

holy. ***.

Holly_1007 · August 2012

DelBride2012:
I am surprised at all the referrals to the Loss board. They'd be way more pissed than 3rd tri.

why would the loss board be pissed?? this is a post about a loss...

mrsmklynch · August 2012

Getting back to the OP's question, I really like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. They organize volunteer photographers all over the country to go to the hospital and take portraits of babies who were stillborn or only have a short time with their parents. It's not for everyone, but if it were me, I would like to have beautiful portraits of my baby to remember him/her by, so I think it's a great organization and relevant to your friend's loss.

mlf625 · August 2012

LivingItUpInUP:
What if someone's friend lost their baby to SIDS during the first year, should they not post for advice on a parenting board because it will scare some women?

Um, yeah. If the poster in question had no children and didn't post on said parenting board, it WOULD be bizarre and insensitive to go onto a parenting board and be like "hey, my friend's baby died, you all have babies, where would you want money donated if YOUR baby died?"

Google. Loss boards. Common sense. All would've been more appropriate than a 3rd tri board full of anxious pregnant women, most of whom are especially nervous FTMs.

And for the record, I hate these types of doom and gloom "my friend had THIS happen" posts in general. They're usually more about the OP's need to share this BIG AWFUL THING that happened in their lives than about any genuine need/want for advice or info.

Megroons · August 2012

mlf625:

LivingItUpInUP:
What if someone's friend lost their baby to SIDS during the first year, should they not post for advice on a parenting board because it will scare some women?

Um, yeah. If the poster in question had no children and didn't post on said parenting board, it WOULD be bizarre and insensitive to go onto a parenting board and be like "hey, my friend's baby died, you all have babies, where would you want money donated if YOUR baby died?"

Google. Loss boards. Common sense. All would've been more appropriate than a 3rd tri board full of anxious pregnant women, most of whom are especially nervous FTMs.

And for the record, I hate these types of doom and gloom "my friend had THIS happen" posts in general. They're usually more about the OP's need to share this BIG AWFUL THING that happened in their lives than about any genuine need/want for advice or info.

I'm with mlf. I'm a FTM and a total worry wart. I wasn't aware that this type of loss could occur and yup, now it'll be in the back of my mind until I deliver. I think it was very inappropriate and definitely the wrong board to ask. I am of course very sorry for OP's friends loss but that's not something that any of else already nervous should now have to think about.

ELCJet · August 2012

I'm very sorry for your friend's loss.

March of Dimes is a great charity, but you could also contact Compassionate Friends and see if there are any local charities you could donate to? (They support parents who have lost children....in all ways) My neighbor had a stillborn and started a great charity called the Wishbone Foundation that helps place bereavement teams in local Colorado hospitals to support parents who have to deliver stillborn babies....something like that may have more of an impact on your friend who will want to make sure her child's life was not forgotten and that some good came out of the tragedy.

NewlyWeds13 · August 2012

Very sorry for her loss. This is my biggest fear... it was with my 1st and is with my 2nd as well. It is so scary to think about as you have no control of it... then after the baby is born, it is SIDS (or now whooping cough). Urgh...

I have a 2.5 year old and am still really stressed about his health-- being a parent for me means lots of worrying.

I am not sure the best place to donate-- but since she is close, my recomendation would be to talk to her mom/sister or someone else to see what they recomend. If she is off work due to the loss she may need the $$ herself or they might know of a charity that is close to their heart.

canoz · August 2012

I would suggest googling local charities. When DS passed we donated to the childrens hospital where his care was primarily. And other charities that either helped serve us in that first bit after or a related one.

Now I lay me down to sleep is a wonderful service and charity, as well as the march of dimes. And First Candle would be good as well and appropriate. So sorry for your friends loss.

SortaCrunchy · August 2012

I agree with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. It's really beautiful what they do, and I personally know a mom who benefitted from their services and was really comforted to have those photos to remember her daughter. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss.

And for those who are getting on the OP's case, guess what? Your fetus, baby, or child can die at any stage. Yes, it's a terrifying thought. The very idea of losing my perfectly healthy 3yo DS has kept me awake at night more than once. But it's reality. I don't think the OP deserved ANY flames. based on the title of the thread, I was actually expecting a post about someone's infant dying.

AprilAngie · August 2012

tinyhumantoe:
I'm baffled that so many posters are upset by this post. I do not think it's out of line or insensitive. I think the responses are strange and misplaced. OP I'm sorry about your friend's loss. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for donations.

I agree with this

alice2Bcheshire · August 2012

amy052006:

I mean really "I feel so sorry for my friend who suffered a tragic loss that could befall any of you. But I am such an awesome person I am going to make a donation. Except I won't google to get my answer, I will ask strangers. So strangers know I am doing it."
It is just weird. Weird lace to post it, weird to announce your intentions. Just weird.

Yep.

TaylorP5 · August 2012

Megroons:
mlf625:

LivingItUpInUP:
What if someone's friend lost their baby to SIDS during the first year, should they not post for advice on a parenting board because it will scare some women?

Um, yeah. If the poster in question had no children and didn't post on said parenting board, it WOULD be bizarre and insensitive to go onto a parenting board and be like "hey, my friend's baby died, you all have babies, where would you want money donated if YOUR baby died?"

Google. Loss boards. Common sense. All would've been more appropriate than a 3rd tri board full of anxious pregnant women, most of whom are especially nervous FTMs.

And for the record, I hate these types of doom and gloom "my friend had THIS happen" posts in general. They're usually more about the OP's need to share this BIG AWFUL THING that happened in their lives than about any genuine need/want for advice or info.

I'm with mlf. I'm a FTM and a total worry wart. I wasn't aware that this type of loss could occur and yup, now it'll be in the back of my mind until I deliver. I think it was very inappropriate and definitely the wrong board to ask. I am of course very sorry for OP's friends loss but that's not something that any of else already nervous should now have to think about.

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