Working Moms

New/lurker with a ? "breadwinner" no $ for leave?

Hi there... Ive posted randomly but lurk to get ideas on how to cope with working and such with a toddler and baby on the way.

So my question... Warning... might get long so sorry ahead of time.

I am due 10/25 with a RCS on 10/18. Meaning I will minimally have to be out of work 6 weeks-- Im a nurse so NO light duty or going back with restrictions early. We had some money saved but, some unexpected car troubles and medical bills = savings GONE.

I am the primary income for the home. MH will work through maternity leave and then quit and SAH with the 2 kids when I go back. His checks with either 1 pay rent... OR pay for food and gas to get to work... Hmm... awesome.

My work doesnt offer STD and I didnt read my insurance policy well enough to know I had to elect coverage... stupid me I know. I also will only have 2 weeks of vacation = only 2 weeks of pay.

Family cant really help at this time. Mom will be able to help out with one student loan bill but otherwise we will have NO income for anything while on maternity leave.

So, now that you know Im dead broke loser that cant support her family right now I need help. Everything was set up to work just perfectly for maternity leave but like I said with unexpected stuff were SCREWED and its coming up FAST.

I applied for state aide and do not qualify. Were scrimping everything right now and will have roughly 500 saved when baby comes. Cancelled all things unnecessary, do not eat out, barely eat well enough like we should except our daughter gets good food because I refuse to not give her fruits and veggies... you get the picture. Ive cut evert corner imaginable.

MH cannot work over time they do not allow it. It is "off season" right now and patient census is low so we have no available over time.

ANYONE... ANYONE in remotely the same situation that can offer any advice? I live in FL so Ive googled help and it doesnt seem like FL offers it. I *think* Ill qualify for WIC once baby is here but... I dont think anythign else :(

Im stuck... and I need some advice... Im sure there are some that want to flame away but believe me we were NOT in this situation before getting pg

THANKS THANKS THANKS!!!!

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Re: New/lurker with a ? "breadwinner" no $ for leave?

  • Ok, you have an income problem.

    If your DH is going to SAH to eliminate daycare costs, then he needs to find a way to make some money as well.  This could be doing yardwork for neighbours, taking in an extra child or two or anything else that would generate cash.

    He needs to start lining that stuff up NOW, not in 2months.  Every $20 will matter, right?  If you can babysit for neighbours or friends between now and when the new babe comes, that will help as well.

    Also: start stocking up on essentials that you need now.  Buy any needed baby stuff used from garage sales, etc.  Watch for coupons for canned fruits, veggies, frozen stuff.  Think 'coupon wars' but with an actual agenda.

    If you have 2 cars, consider selling one.  Look at your cell phones very carefully.  Do you *need* data plans, etc.?

    I am not sure on this but you might be able to defer your student loan due to hardship -- look into that.  You will not be the first person in history to look for some relief from a student loan.

    Good luck.  Hopefully this is just a short term belt cinch and things will look brighter in a few months.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
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  • A couple of questions... Can you defer your student loan payments? Can you get some sort of advance through work or some sort of loan? How are your credit cards? Can you live on them for a short period of time? Can your DH pick up more work? Can he do handyman work or part time weekend work? What about you picking up some babysitting or house sitting (like at night when your DH can be with the kids)? For sure try to get welfare or anything else that you can. Is there another family member that can help you? Can you go to your church or a church for help with diapers and baby stuff? There are a lot of charities out there that can help and all you have to do is help back when you're at the point where you're in that position. Good luck and hugs.

    PS Walmart's Parents Choice diapers are the best and so cheap!

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  • Two.jobs.  I would see if either you or your DH or both can pick up an extra job at the mall or anything over the weekends and evenings (depending on childcare needs) to save up enough until you go back to work.  It is short term pain for some piece of mind.  Can you moonlight as a phlebotomist for an insurance co or something?  It's not terribly taxing and might make a bit extra.


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

  • I'm with Pesky on this one. As a nurse, you are well poised to get extra work, at least in my area. My mom lives in a rural area and works at a nursing home. There is high turnover there and always shifts. And if you can't go that route, part time retail or food industry is something to consider.
    Also, maybe look for a better paying job. Most nurses can afford daycare, right?
  • Look into town and private flu/immunization clinics. It is seasonal, you get to sit down the whole time, administer shots, night & weekend hours, and the pay is usually GREAT. Look on the town health dept websites and Craigslist.  

  • I'm sure more people will have ideas on Monday, but why can't your DH get a second job now?  And just bank that money away?  Even if he's just working at 7-11, Home Depot over nights.  I know UPS pays a crapload for their warehouse guys.  Do you have any retirement savings?  I'm sure its not the Money Matters answer, but you can always take a 401K or even a withdrawl and pay the penalty.  If you need the money, you need the money, you know?

    Also - yes, you should absolutely be able to get a hardship deferment on your loans and least for a little while.  And, I think you should be able to get WIC - if not for you, at least for your daughter for now.  Or possibly food pantries.  Ugh - I'm sorry, its a shitty situation to be in. 

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  • Okay--you are in a tough situation, so I will give you some tough advice.

     First of all, having a stay at home parent is a total, 100% luxury that you clearly cannot afford.  Your husband needs to continue working his job. 

    If you truly are as poor as you state, and have no savings and low income, you will absolutely qualify for daycare vouchers in your state, which will entitle you to send your child(ren) to a licensed childcare facility for a weekly rate that is figured out based on your income--so since you have a low income, the rate will be extremely affordable (free, $40/week, etc.).  Trust me, the state doesn't want to subsidise a stay at home parent who is perfectly able to go out and get a paying job.  So, your state will help you figure out how to budget so that both of you can continue to work and your children can be taken care of by licensed child-care providers.

     If you apply for the daycare voucher, then your husband will be able to continue to work, bringing in income after your baby. With good credit right now, you can probably take out a small hardship loan or a defer a few of your currrent monthly payments for a month, which would allow you to eek by until you get back to work.  Once you and your husband are again working after your ML, you will be fine!

    Good luck to you--and look into those childcare vouchers/sliding scale payments. 

  • Thank you ALL for the advice. I did NOT think of CL for jobs! Duh!
    Thankfully, family is helping with hand me downs and such so baby as DD are set which is what I mostly worry about. Everytime I buy diapers for DD I buy a box for this LO. And my SIL surprised me with a diaper shower which I had no idea about apparently in our circle with babies we always celebrate usually with 2 kids being just diapers and mommy gifts. Definitely good news there. But, still I stock up on stuff. I'm also going to attempt to make the freezer make ahead meals.
    To answer some questions and clarify Mh is going to stay working while on leave but his paychecks are what I could make picking up 12 shifts a pay period. Then, once I go back to work he is going to quit but with a plan of working at another job part time on my days off to kind of help with the burden of ML. If he stayed working full time his checks would pay for daycare and not bills so it just doesn't make sense for him to work.
    I also didn't know about the daycar vouchers which I'll definitely look into. But, I did apply and wait and call and was denied food stamps, temp cash assistance, Medicaid for govt assistance because they don't see student loans as a necessity to pay apparently? WIC same thing. I'm just above the cut off.
    We live frugally but not poverty level.
    I did talk to someone today that had me reapply for all the benefits and explain about the total amount of my student loans which is what is really causing our financial burden in the last page of the comments for all govt assitance and wic. So I did and we shall see...
    I can defer my loans BUT I plan on doing that for OctDec so I don't have to worry about them while I'm off with only MH income. So at least the rent will be paid. I reexplained everything to my mom and she said she'll try and help as much as possible thankfully.
    I guess like MH said we just have to wait it out and after I go back to work it'll be ok again. Which I know is true.
    But, still sucks in the meantime.
    So, again, thank you all for great thoughts and advice. I know this too shall pass but definitely NOT where I thought we would be at this point! Just keep hoping and praying and just having faith it will all work out.
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  • Can you rent out or sublet your home and downgrade your living situation for a few months? IDK about you but rent is my biggest expense.
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  • Lurker nurse here. Do you work 8s or 12s? If you're working 8hr shifts, try to get to 12s if your work allows... that way you're working full time, but only there 3 days a week, which leaves 4 days a week that your hubs can work. If you work days, can you go to nights for awhile? Shift differential is $6-8/hr where I'm at. Also try to work more weekends if you have good weekend differential ($4/hr here).

    Ditto PPs that said to look for temp/PT work, as well. Even going into someone's home 1-2 days a week can bring in some extra money. (this goes for you and DH both).

     Lastly, does your employer allow for PTO sharing? I know at my work, other employees can "gift" their PTO hours to you... so if you have a good relationship with coworkers, maybe they'll give you some of their hours so you can stay off an extra couple weeks?

     

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  • Agree with PP's on most everything. What kind of department do you work in? I am a nurse and we are short staffed all the time and OT is readily available on any given day. Ask your manager to put you at the top of the list for when there is a call off or high census and not alot of staff. If you work day shift, see if there are any extra hours available on night shift. I know it sucks having to work OT being pregnant, but sometimes you do what you gotta do.

    Retail employers are going to be looking for seasonal help around the time that you will stop getting paid for ML, have your DH get a second job during this time to get you by.

    Agree with PP about seeing if co-workers can donate some of their PTO to you. Where I work, you either use or lose your vacation hours once you accrue x amount. I just donated some hours that I was going to lose to a friend who is out for an injury.

    I find it very odd that if you work for a hospital, which is probably owned by a large corporation, they don't give you any type of paid maternity leave. My employer pays 6 weeks at 100% and any time after that depends on how much PTO you have. I think that almost all hospitals in my area are like this also. heck, even new dads get a 3 week paid paternity leave, and this is common in my area.

    You can defer your student loans for up to 6 months and they don't have to be consecutive. If this is a large part of your monthly debt, call your lender and ask for it.

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  • imagefuturemrsmcnichols:

    I find it very odd that if you work for a hospital, which is probably owned by a large corporation, they don't give you any type of paid maternity leave.

    I am surprised by this too.  Check with HR again about maternity leave or short term disability.  

     

  • I'm a nurse in a hospital that's the 3rd largest in the southeast, the only ml pay we get is sick/vacation time we save. We don't have separate sick and vacation so it's hard.
    Op start looking now at doing some flu clinics. In my area staffing companies do them and they'll start advertising soon. It's so easy and you can sit for much of it. I use it as christmas money every year.
    I'm not sure what type of unit you work on but generally for us census picks up in the fall so maybe you can grab sn extra 4 hours here and there. When you come back work some people's holidays too. When I was a single mom with ds1 I worked every holiday he was with his father. I made some bank doing that.
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  • I work at a pregnancy resource center, and we provide all sorts of things (maternity clothes, diapers, baby clothes, toys, cribs, etc.) to parents who go through our pregnancy/parenting programs.  Have you looked into resources like this in your community?

    Also, look into cloth diapering.  I work full-time and DD is in DC, but CDing is still super easy and saves us tons of money.  I recommend Rainbow BB pocket diapers from Ebay or Kawaii diapers if you're looking to save money.  

    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
    BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
    BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
    BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
  • If you do t qualify for WIC now, you won't qualify after baby comes unless it drops your income because DH no longer works. Pregnant women are counted as 2 people for family size, so baby being on outside or inside will not change this.
    I would look into some food banks and churches to help. Also try Catholic Charities, even if you are not Catholic. They help all faiths, and they know the resources in your community that you can use for help. If you can't find a listing for an office in your area, call the local Catholic church and they can probabally guide you. I can't speak for other denominations since I am Catholic, but I know that all parishes are heavily involved in a lot of charity work for their communities and it is not just something for downontheirluck people of that religion...the mission is to help people period.
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  • imageKathrynMD:

    I'm sure more people will have ideas on Monday, but why can't your DH get a second job now?  And just bank that money away?  Even if he's just working at 7-11, Home Depot over nights.  I know UPS pays a crapload for their warehouse guys.  Do you have any retirement savings?  I'm sure its not the Money Matters answer, but you can always take a 401K or even a withdrawl and pay the penalty.  If you need the money, you need the money, you know?

    Also - yes, you should absolutely be able to get a hardship deferment on your loans and least for a little while.  And, I think you should be able to get WIC - if not for you, at least for your daughter for now.  Or possibly food pantries.  Ugh - I'm sorry, its a shitty situation to be in. 

    All of this, DH is currently working 3 jobs to make up for a 9 month stint of unemployment.  He works a full time over night job, a part time day job 3 days a week, and another part time job that is a few hours a day.  He of course isn't around to help out much with the house, or the kids right now, but we know it is temporary, and once we are debt free he can cut back to one job. If you know you will be hard pressed for cash in 3 months, have him (or you) pick up an extra part time job or two so you can save a little more money ahead of time, it truly sucks to be behind the ball!

    This isn't a GREAT idea, but medical bills don't charge interest fees.  We paid our other bills (utilities etc) and held off paying our medical bills until we were back on our feet.  We still have about $3,000 to go but now that we have the income we can make payments.  This will make your credit score go down for awhile (because they will go to collections), but our choice was pay the mortgage, or pay the medical bills, and our house won out.  This was more like a "plan B" because DH was unemployed for so long, if you have other choices I would take them first.

    Good luck. 

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  • I like looking on indeed.com for job listings.  It includes many other sites (like care.com, sittercity.com) where you could find extra work caring for children, the elderly, or pets.  You might just pick up jobs now, or try setting up that your husband could care for extra kids if he will be a SAHD. 

    Start calling around now to get on mailing lists for coupons (like Gerber for baby food, pampers, whatever) and do a baby registry at BRU and Target.  I ended up getting great coupons for years from those stores, I think from registering with my first child. 

    Finally, consider if your husband might be eligible for Vocational Rehabilitation services.  This is a program administered by each state, and the general gist is that they assist unemployed/underemployed individuals with disabilities to get and keep jobs.  If your husband has any disability (physical, mental, learning, substance abuse, ect) he might qualify for services, which could include financial help now for things directly tied to him getting or keeping a job (like childcare or transportation) or financial assistance in re-training for a different career.  You would need to meet income requirements to qualify.  Again, I have no idea if he might be eligible for VR services, but if he is, then this could help him to get a long term plan.

  • imagealli2672:
    imagefuturemrsmcnichols:

    I find it very odd that if you work for a hospital, which is probably owned by a large corporation, they don't give you any type of paid maternity leave.

    I am surprised by this too.  Check with HR again about maternity leave or short term disability.  

     

    I am a nurse at major Boston hospital. We do not get any paid maternity leave.
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  • When you go back to work after maternity leave, does your husband have to only work part-time? I have a toddler (just turned one) and another on the way. I work all overnight shifts so that we don't need any daycare. We just don't see each other often. I leave for work at 5:30pm and get home at 8:30am. I do not sleep after my shifts. I pretty much live off of sleeping every other night. It sucks, but it is what I have to do to keep my family financially stable.

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  • imageMason&Mama:
    imagealli2672:
    imagefuturemrsmcnichols:

    I find it very odd that if you work for a hospital, which is probably owned by a large corporation, they don't give you any type of paid maternity leave.

    I am surprised by this too.  Check with HR again about maternity leave or short term disability.  

     

    I am a nurse at major Boston hospital. We do not get any paid maternity leave.

    I guess I just find it odd that many women come to the hospital to have babies. Part of discharge care/ instructions are no heavy lifting/ strenuous activity for 6 weeks esp after a c/s. I find it odd that a hospital that would most likely have a labor and delivery unit would not give their employees at least that amount of time off with some sort of compensation before making them use PTO. Kind of like a practice what you preach sort of deal- like the 6 week rule only applies to non-employees- Especially because if you have health insurance through your work you probably are required to deliver where you work. That is how it is with mine, not to say that its like that for everyone, but my mom also works at a different hospital and its the same way.

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  • Are you able to go negative in your PTO bank?  It would only buy you a week or two but I didn't have paid maternity and was able to go 40hrs negative so 1 more week of pay.  My old job allowed 2 weeks negative PTO.
  • I would tell DH he needs to get another job second or third shift (even if it is minumum wage) to save more money. It is good that you cut all corners, and got rid of extras. I highley suggest getting rid of one car if you have two. If you can sell anything do it.
  • I love all the ideas and no flaming! : thank you guys so much!
    I work 12 hour day shifts and because I'm in South Florida we have a "season" thanksgivingEaster basically and "off season" where all the retired folks from the north come down for their winters to enjoy the warmth. Well, it's summer now so it's "off season". Three units in the hospital close because the census is low and were lucky if they don't cancel for low census.
    But, I didn't know about the flu clinics!! That's a great idea! I could definity do that even while on ML.
    DH is going to look at a part time job for the weekends while I'm on ML.
    I guess we will just have to get by with paying only the necessary bills and then play catchup when I get back to work. It will be season then and I'll be able to work overtime.
    DH paychecks with 2 kids when I go back to work would not be worth putting both kids in daycare. So, him staying home and raising the kids is just a better option. My working one day overtime will be almost 1.5 weeks pay for him... So just makes more sense for him to stay home.
    Again, thank you all for everything! Oh and I'll definitely look into the food banks!
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  • why can't your DH get a second job now working while you are not?  You'll both be tired, but you won't need to pay for child care and you can sock away the money. 
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  • imagefuturemrsmcnichols:
    imageMason&Mama:
    imagealli2672:
    imagefuturemrsmcnichols:

    I find it very odd that if you work for a hospital, which is probably owned by a large corporation, they don't give you any type of paid maternity leave.

    I am surprised by this too.  Check with HR again about maternity leave or short term disability.  

     

    I am a nurse at major Boston hospital. We do not get any paid maternity leave.
    We get FMLA, but that doesn't mean that it is paid. We are legally allowed to take the time off, but we are responsible for financing that time off. I suppose you get 9 months to prepare and save vacation time.

    I guess I just find it odd that many women come to the hospital to have babies. Part of discharge care/ instructions are no heavy lifting/ strenuous activity for 6 weeks esp after a c/s. I find it odd that a hospital that would most likely have a labor and delivery unit would not give their employees at least that amount of time off with some sort of compensation before making them use PTO. Kind of like a practice what you preach sort of deal- like the 6 week rule only applies to non-employees- Especially because if you have health insurance through your work you probably are required to deliver where you work. That is how it is with mine, not to say that its like that for everyone, but my mom also works at a different hospital and its the same way.

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