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Stay at Home Moms
veek
member
Friends are pressuring us to put our baby in day care
veek
member
My husband is the stay at home parent and I work because I am active duty military. Well, my husband's friends all have two kids under 6 with one being a newborn. Both Mom and Dad work and their kids are in day care or have a nanny. He told me last night that these "friends" are texting him and email him with this message: "two words: Day Care".
He says that know he feels "trapped" by the baby. My mom stayed at home with me and I know the benefits of being with the baby and being to see their first steps and first word and not the staff at the day care. Plus day cares are filled with germs!
This really upsets me. I wish I was the one who could stay at home with the baby.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Friends are pressuring us to put our baby in day care
If they are just being jerks that think all parents should work and put their babies in day care, then ignore them. But if they are looking out for your DH, (who feels trapped), then maybe you need to have a talk with him, and see what his true feelings are. He shouldn't be forced to stay home just because it's what you want him to do, or because you wish you could, or because it's what your mom did.
And yes, day cares may be germy, but everything is filled with germs. And being exposed to germs is what helps your child to build an immune system that doesn't succumb to everything it's exposed to. Bottom line is, you need to do what works best for your family, not just yourself.
big brother 5/30/10 * cp 4/27/12 * little sister 2/25/13
If your DH is feeling "trapped", maybe doing a part-time daycare or getting a babysitter once or twice a week would help him. There's nothing wrong with it.
Yes, daycares do have germs because kids carry germs, but so do parks, play areas, classes, etc. Once you start going out with your kid, the germs are everywhere..........
I'm not sure why it's upsetting to you. Your DH is being honest and asking for some help. Maybe he doesn't "love" being a SAHP.............
I think you and your DH need to sit down and have this conversation...........and figure something out.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Despite it not being his friends' place to say that, I think it's obvious he's been venting to them about how he feels; otherwise, I can't imagine what would prompt them to say that.
I would make sure he's telling you everything he's telling them about how he feels and why, and see if you can come up with some ideas to alleviate what's stressing him.
If worse comes to worst, you can at least consider daycare a couple days a week, even half days to give him a break. I believe there can be benefits to some daycare time that far outweigh the germ factor. If they don't get the germs now they'll be getting them in Kindergarten; you can't avoid them forever.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
You need to have an honest talk with your husband. His friends can't know your husband feels trapped unless your husband puts it out there.
And it might be *your* dream to be a SAHM but it might not be your husband's. Being a stay at home isn't perfect and it isn't for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. Yes, there are benefits to staying home. There are also benefits to day care. There is no clear cut "this is the right way to raise your child" answer.
Id be less upset over the friend texts and more concerned about my husband. How my husband feels staying home all day, every day running after a child and having very little adult interaction. This might not be a good fit for him. And it's not fair to force him into a mold simply because you think that's what you'd like to do.
Please talk to your husband. See what he needs and then take things from there.
PS: the world is full of germs. If you ever take your kid anywhere, the store, the park, play group, they're gonna get germs. You don't need to put down day care to prop up your SAH decision/desire. Germs are everywhere. In fact, I'm sick just after taking my son to a very reputable and clean bounce house. I'm hoping he doesn't get it. Sigh.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
I know you said your husband wanted to be a SAHP but wanting to be one and actually experiencing it are two different things. It's entirely possible that once he started doing it he discovered that it's not really a good fit for him. I know more than one SAHM who went back to work because she really didn't like being at home all day.
I would have an honest discussion with him. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a SAH parent and still putting your child in daycare a day or two a week. As long as it's feasible financially, that might help your husband feel less trapped and unhappy.
I just don't understand why your friends are even part of the discussion. If your H is having a hard time, he needs to sit down with you and talk about it, not show you texts that say you should put your child in daycare.
Whatever you decide to do should be between the two of you, not your friends
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
How old is your baby?
I know at the beginning, I felt trapped at times with the constraints and changes in my life associated to having a new baby. It can be isolating, especially if you're not in a familiar place. (We had moved a few months before DD1 so I had very few people I knew in our new town.)THankfully I found support in a mommy & me exercise class and later with a music class.
Does your husband do anything outside of the house with your LO? I know that helped to lessen those feelings for me. Finding a good network of other SAH parents with children around the same age.
At the same time, I think it's important, as the others have mentioned to have a heart to heart conversation about what his true feelings are related to SAH. There's nothing wrong with admitting SAH isn't all it's cracked up to be.
The friends sending a text stating "two words. day care." is in no way trying to dictate how they live. You're right, it is impossible to tell what is going on with the limited amount of information in the OP. But to me it sounds like her husband was complaining to their friends about feeling trapped and their friends texted that.
OP, I don't mean to be harsh but it seems like you are trying to find someone to blame for the way your husband is feeling. The friends are immaterial, you need to have a disucssion with your husband about why he feels trapped and figure out how you can address it.
Edited to clarify - when I say figure out how you can address it I mean you as a couple, not you as an individual.
I think that the H has opened this discussion with the OP. Re-read what she has written. "He says that now he feels "trapped" and "he told me last night that these 'friends' are texting him and emailing him with this message 'two words: daycare".
The OP is blocking the discussion because of her own feelings on the matter. She is clearly NOT listening to her husband who (I'm guessing) is treading carefully because the OP has her mind made up. Daycare bad, SAHP good.
IMO, it is the OP who needs to start listening as the H is trying to start the conversation.
All this. Plus, SAHM isn't all or nothing. LO starts preschool next week, and I'm going to work part time. I'm not ready to give up all my time at home with him, but I am looking forward to getting back out into the working world for part of my week.
All this. Plus, SAHM isn't all or nothing. LO starts preschool next week, and I'm going to work part time. I'm not ready to give up all my time at home with him, but I am looking forward to getting back out into the working world for part of my week.