Am I wrong?

Cullarose · August 2012

SD 24th birthday is Monday and DH mentioned it to me today. I said thanks, I need to get her card from Charlie (her little brother) in the mail by Friday. He says you got a card? Good I'll just put her check in it. I told him no, get your own card to send the check in.

I feel that if DH as her parent wants to send her $$$ he has every right but it should come from him and not in a card from her little brother. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

Kaeldrasmommy · August 2012

Considering that most people would probably just pick a card and have the family sign it I don't think it's anything that matters much one way or the other.

Cheerilee · August 2012

Kaeldrasmommy:
Considering that most people would probably just pick a card and have the family sign it I don't think it's anything that matters much one way or the other.

I sort of agree. I pick up all of the cards, force DH to sit long enough to sign, and send them. I'm used to men sucking at picking up cards.

twister22 · August 2012

Cheerilee:
Kaeldrasmommy:
Considering that most people would probably just pick a card and have the family sign it I don't think it's anything that matters much one way or the other.

I sort of agree. I pick up all of the cards, force DH to sit long enough to sign, and send them. I'm used to men sucking at picking up cards.

Yep.

Make it a card from the whole family. If I was SD, I would find it weird to get a card from just my one year old half brother. IMO.

Cullarose · August 2012

I apologize for not giving more info. My blended family is a little different than most as I DH and I have only been together for 5 yrs. Both of his kids from his 1st marrage are adults and we agreed along time ago that he would get all their Bday cards and X-mas presents since I really am just getting to know them.

DH and his daughter have a rocky relationship at best, and she hates me. I whole thought process is that as Charlie's mom it is my responsibility to try and foster a relationship between them until he is old enought to make his own decision about it.

Hence the reason I told DH that he should and needs to get a card for her himself.

Littlejen22 · August 2012

If your DH told you that he would handle cards then it is up to him to handle cards. I assume the card was a "To my sister" card in which case it is weird for Dad to sign it too and will reinforce to SD that her Dad sucks. If things were not rocky then it might be more "normal" for you to have picked up a card from DH that everyone could have signed. I have an almost 23yo SD that I have known my SD since she was 11 and she lived with us from 12-18, things used to be good but they went really bad and are getting better. Starting when she was 18 and no longer living with us and things were really bad I backed off, DH can do whatever he wants and if he asks me to pick up a card or gift I will but I do not take the initiative because I want him to lead his relationship with her and therefore set the tone of the type of relationship I will foster/allow with the little ones. I would have told DH he would look like an unthoughtful ass to stick money in a card that says to my sister.

Nineoceans · August 2012

This is not an argument I would waste precious moments of life over. Use the same card and make sure you all sign it!

Ilumine · August 2012

Cullarose:
I apologize for not giving more info. My blended family is a little different than most as I DH and I have only been together for 5 yrs. Both of his kids from his 1st marrage are adults and we agreed along time ago that he would get all their Bday cards and X-mas presents since I really am just getting to know them.

DH and his daughter have a rocky relationship at best, and she hates me. I whole thought process is that as Charlie's mom it is my responsibility to try and foster a relationship between them until he is old enought to make his own decision about it.

Hence the reason I told DH that he should and needs to get a card for her himself.

Actually, it is up to the mutual parent to foster the sibling relationship.

But if you believe that it is YOUR responsibilty to teach your child the appropriate social niceties, rules of ettiqutte and basic manners, then teaching FAMILIAL responsibilities is also one of them.

So a family card, depending on how you do things for all of the people in your life, is not that out there.

BUt yes, if my DH ever lazied out of interacting with his kids/family , I would put my foot down too.

Moschic31 · August 2012

Nineoceans:
This is not an argument I would waste precious moments of life over. Use the same card and make sure you all sign it!

I agree with this poster. SD may hate you, but be bigger than that. All of you should sign the card and send it as a family.

SueBear · August 2012

I do not have a high opinion of a man who was so lazy he couldn't pick up a d*mn birthday card for his own daughter.

kllrbnny · August 2012

Cullarose:

DH and his daughter have a rocky relationship at best, and she hates me. I whole thought process is that as Charlie's mom it is my responsibility to try and foster a relationship between them until he is old enought to make his own decision about it.

Realistically, in her mind, your son is probably less of a little brother and more of the baby of that woman I hate that my dad for some reason married. Add to that the tremendous age difference and the fact that her relationship with her dad is also rocky and I think it might be a stretch to think she & your son will have much of a brother-sister relationship.

I was in a position similar to your SD, though I didn't hate my stepmom so much as just not know her. They were married when I was still in elementary school but my dad never put much effort into a relationship. I have a half brother & half sister from their marriage but I don't know them at all b/c of the way things were between me & my dad. I would have thought it weird to get a card from just the kids.

That being said, I do commend you for trying to foster that relationship. And just b/c things worked like that in my life doesn't mean they will in anyone else's.

jkacera15 · August 2012

maybe just a cheap 99 cent generic birthday card will do for him while you're getting one to send from DS....but let him sign, write the check, address and mail the card. I find it hard to sit back and watch a man handle those things 100% by themselves. they usually need the guidance and i'd see that as helping him, not doing it for her so much.

fauxshelley · August 2012

I find it odd that you have been in their lives for 5 years and don't have a clue when your SD's birthday is. Huh?

Kaeldrasmommy · August 2012

fauxshelley:
I find it odd that you have been in their lives for 5 years and don't have a clue when your SD's birthday is.

I'm very confused as to where she said this.

Littlejen22 · August 2012

Kaeldrasmommy:
fauxshelley:
I find it odd that you have been in their lives for 5 years and don't have a clue when your SD's birthday is.
I'm very confused as to where she said this.

Shelley, you misunderstood, it said that she already had the card and when her DH mentioned it she was reminded that she needed to mail it, sounded like me it was signed and sitting there ahead of time.

+j+k+ · August 2012

SueBear:

I do not have a high opinion of a man who was so lazy he couldn't pick up a d*mn birthday card for his own daughter.

This.

If you allow this man to use you to do his bidding, you will get sucked into doing everything from him.

This coming from a woman who is her husband's flippin' secretary. I quit doing for him this last year. I'm tired of handling his business. So don't.

And you know what else? Your SD knows you pick out the card and she knows her dad is copping out. So get to the point and tell your lazy ass husband that it's flipping insulting to his daugther that he won't go to godamned walmart and pick out a card. who cares if men suck at it. The point is...he made a point to go get a card.

Make him get his own damn card, sign it, address it, stamp it and hand deliver to her or the flipping post office. How hard is this? Not very.

Jessys_Girl · August 2012

Cullarose:

I apologize for not giving more info. My blended family is a little different than most as I DH and I have only been together for 5 yrs. Both of his kids from his 1st marrage are adults and we agreed along time ago that he would get all their Bday cards and X-mas presents since I really am just getting to know them.

DH and his daughter have a rocky relationship at best, and she hates me. I whole thought process is that as Charlie's mom it is my responsibility to try and foster a relationship between them until he is old enought to make his own decision about it.

Hence the reason I told DH that he should and needs to get a card for her himself.

And as Charley's dad and SD's dad it is your DH's responsibility to try to build family bonds and mutually respectful relationships of one another. I say get 1 card, sign it as a family and maybe SD will realize that as her SM you are joining her dad and brother in saying Happy Birthday. It will be one small step/gesture to begin fostering those bonds.

Want a personalized experience?

Am I wrong?

Re: Am I wrong?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards