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Help- What should I do for my friend? (loss mentioned)

chuicafinachuicafina member
in June 2011 Moms

Almost a year ago, my friend gave birth to a full term baby girl who passed away 3 days later. Her birthday is coming up and I keep mulling over what I could do for my friend to let her know that I'm remembering her daughter. I don't want to do a charm necklace because I feel that's something she can choose to buy, or a closer friend might get for her (someone who knows exactly what she'd want), but I'm not sure that flowers are quite enough. I know nothing will be enough and nothing will bring her daughter back. I just want her to know I haven't forgotten even a year later. 

 Any ideas would be appreciated.  

My food & craft blog: Fraises et Tartines

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BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012

BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
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Re: Help- What should I do for my friend? (loss mentioned)

  • butterfly62682butterfly62682 member

    What matters most to me when my angel day comes around is that someone remembers. I promise the best they you can do for her is let her know that you still remember her baby. If you want to do that by sending flowers, I think that would be awesome.

     

    ~ Cassie ~

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  • chuicafinachuicafina member
    Thank you for your response. I was hoping you hadn't left for the night. Now that you say that just remembering is the most important thing, it seems so obvious. I just wish there was more I could do for her :-(

    My food & craft blog: Fraises et Tartines

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012

    BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
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  • babydoll22308babydoll22308 member
    What about doing a garden stone plaque with an appropriate saying or quote on it? Nothing huge, but maybe even personalize it with babies D.o.B or name or something? i cant even imagine how she would feel,even now, except awful. I am sure u even just acknowledging her sorrow will mean the world to her. No one except mothers can sympathize with her loss. i say that from past experiences, bc even when others before i was prego would have M/Cs i would feel bad for them, but by no means could i comprehend how deep THEIR pain went. It wasnt until i was pregnant and wanted nothing more to keep that baby safe and feeling the constant worry etc did i realize how the loss of a baby could effect someone.
    And maybe thats just how I was, or maybe my inexperience made me naive, but nonetheless when it comes to kids, only mothers can truly feel for another mother IMO.
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  • butterfly62682butterfly62682 member
    imagechuicafina:
    Thank you for your response. I was hoping you hadn't left for the night. Now that you say that just remembering is the most important thing, it seems so obvious. I just wish there was more I could do for her :-(
    Nope I am usually around off and on all day. There isn't anything that can be done to stop her pain, but friends listening when I wanted to talk helped things.
    ~ Cassie ~

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  • HallilHallil member

    Something I do for a family that lost a child, is on the childs birthday I go buy a newborn gift (usually centered around something they liked or that their parents hoped they would like, ie-hockey or football or something.) Then I go to the hospital and leave it at the nurses desk for them to give to the first baby boy (in my case) that was born that day.

    I do not leave a name on it, that's not the point. But I do put a little note on it saying something along the lines of
    "Today marks the birthday of a very special little baby. (S)he doesn't have the privledge to celebrate here on earth but this is a gift to your baby on what is a very special day. Life is so precious, love him(her) through the tears and the teething, the temper tantrums and late nights, the teenage years and tough moments. When things get hard or when you get tired just remember how lucky you are to have that baby in your arms. You have many amazing moments and milestones ahead, best of luck with your new family!"

    The first time I did it I told the family what I had done and copied the note for them. I do it every year and they know and appreciate it.

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  • chuicafinachuicafina member
    imageHallil:

    Something I do for a family that lost a child, is on the childs birthday I go buy a newborn gift (usually centered around something they liked or that their parents hoped they would like, ie-hockey or football or something.) Then I go to the hospital and leave it at the nurses desk for them to give to the first baby boy (in my case) that was born that day.

    I do not leave a name on it, that's not the point. But I do put a little note on it saying something along the lines of
    "Today marks the birthday of a very special little baby. (S)he doesn't have the privledge to celebrate here on earth but this is a gift to your baby on what is a very special day. Life is so precious, love him(her) through the tears and the teething, the temper tantrums and late nights, the teenage years and tough moments. When things get hard or when you get tired just remember how lucky you are to have that baby in your arms. You have many amazing moments and milestones ahead, best of luck with your new family!"

    The first time I did it I told the family what I had done and copied the note for them. I do it every year and they know and appreciate it.

    And now I'm crying. What a sweet idea. Thank you for sharing. 

    My food & craft blog: Fraises et Tartines

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012

    BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
    Report Reply
  • HallilHallil member
    imagechuicafina:
    imageHallil:

    Something I do for a family that lost a child, is on the childs birthday I go buy a newborn gift (usually centered around something they liked or that their parents hoped they would like, ie-hockey or football or something.) Then I go to the hospital and leave it at the nurses desk for them to give to the first baby boy (in my case) that was born that day.

    I do not leave a name on it, that's not the point. But I do put a little note on it saying something along the lines of
    "Today marks the birthday of a very special little baby. (S)he doesn't have the privledge to celebrate here on earth but this is a gift to your baby on what is a very special day. Life is so precious, love him(her) through the tears and the teething, the temper tantrums and late nights, the teenage years and tough moments. When things get hard or when you get tired just remember how lucky you are to have that baby in your arms. You have many amazing moments and milestones ahead, best of luck with your new family!"

    The first time I did it I told the family what I had done and copied the note for them. I do it every year and they know and appreciate it.

    And now I'm crying. What a sweet idea. Thank you for sharing. 

    Your welcome!Smile

    image
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