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Good heart to heart with DH last night

robbensmrobbensm member
in TTC after 35

Had a heart to heart chat with DH last night that was probably overdue.  Turns out he was feeling a lot of pressure from the whole "scheduled" BDing thing - preformace aniety, took the romance out of it, he's 41 not 21, etc, etc.  We never really had a lot of discussion about the TTC process itself before last night (he always seemed weirded out by the everyday "female stuff" like tampons & paps that I thought the TTC stuff would send him over the edge so I just gave him the basics).

So I explained that with our age & my PCOS it's just not something that is going to spontaneously happen.  He knew I was taking my temp and POAS a lot but didn't realize how small the window was & how important the timing is.  I showed him my FF charts and explained everything to him.  He was really supportive and said he felt bad because he had no idea how much of this was on me.  In the end I agreed to share more of the details with him yet not tell him exactly when the BDing is scheduled and he agreed that he would try to be less squeamish about the "female stuff", not throw out anymore BD IOUs, and all around be more engaged in the process.

Now let's hope that it's all irrelevant and he actually got me KU this month ;-)

Me 39 & suspected PCOS, DH 42. Went off BCP when we got married in 11/11, seriously TTC since 3/12.  Six cycles of clomid = BFNs.  Suspected endometriosis & HSG showed both tubes blocked.  Sept 2013 IVF 5D transfer of two perfect embryos = BFN.  Started acupuncture and taking time off to drop some pounds & get healthier before FET in April 2014.
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Re: Good heart to heart with DH last night

  • dhreczuckdhreczuck member

    I'm glad you had the "talk". Everyone kept telling me it was best to tell DH as little as possible and just surprise him during my peak times, but I decided to ask him how much he wanted to know and he wanted to know everything! Things have been much better since then and he's even weighed in on my opks ect.. Sometimes they need it all laid out in front of them.

     

     

    nate and teddy
    Me 41 DH 46  Not actively ttc, surprise BFP on 1/6/11! 4/1/11 m/c our sunshine at 16wks after complications from CVS test. TTC #2 **5th cycle 12/6/11 BFP! Missed m/c at 9 weeks 1/21/12, trisomy 14. Two Chemical PG 3/12&7/12
    ** BFP 8/16/12 beta #1 148! beta#2 407 beta #3 4000 u/s 9.10 1 lovely hb 126, Baby Boy is due 04/28/13!!     Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • danieleandwaynedanieleandwayne member

    I'm so glad you guys talked it all out. It seems like TTC > 35 has such potential to destroy relationships, right when they need to be the strongest.

    That being said, how come your DH is okay with using the "I'm 41 not 21" excuse for getting out of BDing, but he doesn't apply that to being wigged out by feminine hygiene products like tampons?!? He's 41, not 21!!! For Pete's Sake, athlete's (and ERs) stick tampons up the nose when someone's got a nose bleed! 

    Anyhow, I'm glad he's on board and I hope this month's efforts were enough!  Big Smile

    *********************************************************************************************

    "You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was." 
            -- Abraham Lincoln
     

                               Me:39  MH:39 
    DD born 6/1/2013 after 15 months of TTC with one loss.    
    TTC #2: BFP 4/22 but stalled growth and no HB at 9w3d on 5/30        

    <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a2798" style="font-size:smaller;" >
    <br /> My Ovulation Chart</a>
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  • icogburnicogburn member
    I like the idea that was given about asking DH how much he wants to know.  That could save a lot of heartache.  I will do what with mine this weekend.  And good luck to all!
    Me:37 DH:40 Married 7/2009 TTC since 5/2012 
    BFP 4/2013, Our Christmas Miracle Due 12/18/2013
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  • gillette117gillette117
    I am so spoiled that my husband does all that paperwork for me :)  He makes the appointments and talks to the dr and just tells me what I need to do.  I never thought that he would be so organized with it - but I guess that marrying a project manager has its benefits :)
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