December 2010 Moms

just my ramblings...

I need to get this out.  My Dad was just diagnosised with early onset dementia.  This is something that I was not prepared for.  My Dad has diabetes, heart disease, high BP- all things that I knew and would better accept issues with these.... but dementia- no nope.  My last job I had I worked in hospice, I saw many many patients with dementia- this might be part of the reason why I am taking this so hard.  I have seen far to many people just slip away- while still be physically there.  I want my boys to know my Dad- to make memories of him.  So my plans are to make more visits down to see him- that is all I truely can do at this point.  I know it can be years before it gets worse- but honestly how quickly this happened makes me fear that this is a aggresive form. 

My mom is trying to hold it together- thankfully she is realistic and knows that things have to be done.  My Dad is starting one of the drugs that can help, he is also retiring- yes he has been working.  Thankfully the group he works with approached my mom with their concerns, since he had been having issues at work- he has done the same job for almost 40 years. 

I offered to help my mom with the legal aspects- since I am familiar with the POA documents- I encouraged her to make her own POA and will.  My parents don't have a large estate- they basically just own outright their home and 5 acres.  But I want my mom to think ahead since I KNOW this will be a problem when she passes.  I prefer to keep a positive relationship with my siblings- and all you know to get 5 people to agree to anything is impossible.  My one sister called me last night and accused me of being morbid- no I think being prepared is not being morbid.  My DH supports me- and after all is said and done my DH and my boys are what is important.

Re: just my ramblings...

  • I am so sorry.  My mom's parents went through my grandma having alzheimer's.  It basically tore the family into bits, even though they were basically on the same side.  My grandfather passed away a few months before my grandmother.  It was in his sleep thankfully, so he didn't suffer.  However, it was worth it to have things in order since clearly my grandmother couldn't be helpful. 

    I think people deal with this kind of thing in sucha different way.  I agree with you that things need to be taken care of, morbid or not.  I hope you & your sister can work things out after you both deal with the initial shock of all of this.  Huge hugs to you hun. 

  • I am so sorry to hear about this.  I think you are absolutely right to prepare ahead of time.  I'm glad your DH is being supportive.


    Lilypie - (vGZN)

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP2: 10/27/13(edd 7/10/14) "Speck" ~ M/C 12/5/13
  • Loading the player...
  • I'm so sorry. I think that would be difficult news for anyone, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

    Being prepared for the future is always a good thing ... you are doing your mom a huge favor. If your other family members are at different places in their emotional journey, try not to hold it against them if they're not supportive but I hope it won't dissuade your mom from taking care of what she needs to take care of.

    Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMugPhoto & Video Sharing by SmugMug

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • I'm so sorry that your dad has received this diagnosis.  My step-grandmother has a form of dementia and my stepmom is pretty muchfor her even though there are four other siblings with basically their head in the sand.  I applaud you for taking charge because someone has too.

    Also, as an aside, DH's grandmother recently passed away and he was very close with her.  We wanted C to spend as much time with her as possible so we made an effort to visit very often.  It was great for her and we're really glad we did that now. 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.  My dad is becoming increasingly forgetful and my grandmother has Alzheimer's, so I definitely know how challenging things can be.  It's important to make sure your parents have things in order, and better to do that now, while your dad is still in a position to make decisions.  You don't want to find yourself down the road with siblings contesting signed documents on the basis that your dad was incompetent when he signed them.  Not pleasant to think about, but unfortunately, a possible reality. 

    As for your boys, when you visit your parents, don't forget your camera!  When we visit my grandmother in the nursing home, I always take lots of pictures with her and DS.  Not for her of course, but for him.  When he is older, he will love pictures with his great-grandma.  My parents are also older, and I am always snapping away...just in case. 

    Hopefully your dad is far away from this stage, but I will say that while my grandmother doesn't know who DS is, she truly enjoys seeing him because she loves children.  That's bittersweet for our family, but it's still nice to see her smile and enjoy my little one.

     
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
     
     
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. 

    My grandfather had Parkinson's Disease and one of the medication side effects was dimentia-like moments.  It was really hard on my dad, my grandmother, and his sisters when they had to clean out the house and get all the paperwork in order.  As it turns out it was for the best that they did it then, because shortly after my grandfather passed away, my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzhiemer's.  We have been fortunate that her disease is slow progressing and it seems the medication is really helping her.  While her short-term memory is not great, her long term memories are amazing-one of my cousins-an out of work english teacher-is actually writing a family history with her. 

    I think you are doing the right thing trying to help your mom get everything in order.  I hope this is a slow-progressing form and your boys get many happy years with their grandpa!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I am so sorry. My grandmother has dementia, and my mom has been her primary caregiver until they put her in assisted living. She does not remember many things in the last 5 years, but she does remember DD. we take lots of videos and send to grandma. We see her updated pics all the time. It is rough, but I agree about getting things together now. My mom has 3 siblings and getting everyone to agree is a mess. DH and I have talked with both our parents about their estates, paperwork etc, just we everyone knows what is going on. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I am so very sorry you got this news. I agree it's important to be prepared & I think it's great you will be helping your parents do so.

    My dad didn't have dementia, but shortly after his cancer surgery, his mind started to go. He was first able to tell his name, the year, the President, and a million other facts & figures. But within a month, he couldn't remember names & in the end could not talk.

    He was the type of person to have his money spread out over like 20 different savings, CDs, IRAs, etc etc all over the place. Without him giving us info about passwords, account numbers, etc. before his surgery, things would have been much much more difficult for my mom to sort out afterward.

    I wish your dad the best of luck & health. (Hugs) to you. 

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • imageCheekers2010:

    I am so sorry to hear about this.  I think you are absolutely right to prepare ahead of time.  I'm glad your DH is being supportive.


    This. I am so, so sorry. ((big hugs))

    image
    imageimage
    image
  • I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad you are able to help your Mom with the planning and legal affairs. Hopefully your sister will come around. Yo echo what you said and PPs, this is a hard, cruel disease you are being realistic not morbid.hugs.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

    image







  • kj07kj07 member

    I'm so sorry your dealing with this. 

    For what it's worth, I think preparing now is the right thing to do.  I hope your husband can continue to support you and you can support your mom and dad.  But I do agree with grayghost - try not to get too frustrated/angry if your family members aren't ready to take those steps (or fear that taking those steps means it's real). 

    Hugs!

    photo 8653f130-7264-42f4-8d67-9a73d64cacce_zps8c973e49.jpg

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker



    BFP #1 4/14/10. Big B born 12/28/10.


    BFP #2 5/27/12. EDD 2/1/13. m/c and D&C 6/21/12.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"