Does anyone else have any Debbie Downer friends who never acknowledge your pregnancy or anything? Ju

Re: Does anyone else have any Debbie Downer friends who never acknowledge your pregnancy or anything? Ju

• KYmama9286 member

  August 2012

  No offense but she sounds kind of flaky and immature to begin with from what you're describing. I wouldn't expect much from her which is unfortunate since you have been friends for so long. Does she have kids herself? I've found that many times people aren't interested in talking about anything baby related if they don't have kids themselves...they just can't relate or they just don't understand all the excitement or they may be struggling with something you don't know about. Obviously this doesn't apply for all people without kids, my best friend has no kids and she loves talking about my kids and always asks how they are and loves the fun stories I tell her- but she also is dying to have kids herself and is currently ttc so obviously her interest is piqued. I wouldn't get too hurt by it- just try and talk with another friend who has kids or might be more interested.  

  

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• oliversmom03 member

  August 2012

  If she is your real friend, she shouldn't have to fake anything!! My BFF makes waaay more money than I do, travels all the time, has a nice car, no kids, and everything else under the sun. I am always happy for her, and always show an interest in anything she is passionate about. My life is boring to all hell right now, but she is always happy to hear what's new, even if I'm taking about new cleaning products I just bought. lol I'm sorry she is being this way, and maybe she's a little jealous.

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• Jennabean30

  August 2012

  I had a friend like this also and over the years it got so incredibly frustrating that I had to end the friendship

  Our phone calls/lunches/dinners were always focused on her and her life and whatever she had going on. She rarely asked about me and eventually I became a sponge for her verbal diarrhea. 

  My drawing point was earlier this year when after listening to her for 45 minutes I interjected and said I was having a really rough time because my mom had been really sick. Thankfully, my moms issues turned out to be totally treatable but at the time we weren't sure what was going on and I could have really used a friend for support. Instead of talking to me about what was going on she said something along the lines of "yah, old people have problems - *** happens".

  After that phone call I decided I'd had enough and cut all ties.  

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• lynn3yb00

  August 2012

  If one of my friends did that to me, I would be pissed too (actually, BTDT and was pissed)! That's just rude IMO. This is an exciting time in your life and not something that happens everyday and I think your friends and family should share in that excitement, not just see your excitement.

  I have a friend that I've been close with since I was 14 and I told her first after DH. She said she didn't wanna hear about it because I "only got pregnant because [she can't]" so I told her that if she didn't want to hear anything about my life what did she wanna talk about and she started whining about how her's & her husband's pills are piling up but they are gonna go on a $7500 vacation in a few months. They don't manage money well; spend twice as much (at least) as they make, then wanna know where it goes. This all happened when I was about 5 weeks and havn't talked to her since. It's not that I only wanna talk about myself, but she does the same thing as your friend and always changes it to herself and gets mad if I try to talk about anything/anyone but her. I can't even ask how her grandparents are, and I practically lived with them for 6 months.

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• doodles24 member

  August 2012

  I can relate. When I told my closest friend we were expecting, she said, "I figured."I said, "Oh, really. What made you figure that?"  Her response was, "You look like it," - totally straight faced, not smiling or joking. She never said "that's exciting" or "congratulations." That was it. Not what you want to hear when you're only 6 weeks. 

  

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• LiteraryFoodie

  August 2012

  How good of a friend is this person? Has she always been this way, or has it started since her divorce?

  If she is in a really dark place right now because of what is going on in her life, she probably really needs the consistent support of someone who cares about her. If she isn't already in counseling, I'd try to suggest it to her. I'd maybe also suggest trying to do some fun and exciting things with her that might help cheer her up and/or take her mind of some things--go to a fair, bowling, movies, concerts, yoga classes, painting classes, etc. If she is in a difficult place right now, it's not that she isn't happy about your pregnancy, it's probably that she just doesn't know how to get out of herself at this point.
  

  I say this because when I was 14-16 years old, I suffered from some pretty debilitating depression and anxiety. I was in counseling for about a year and a half and then intermittently after that until I went to college. However, it took me a year to get to a place where I knew I needed some help. Looking back, I KNOW I was not a fun person to be around for those 2 years. I KNOW I was a "debbie downer." I was so sad all the time and felt so lonely--like no one cared, it was like I didn't know how to make myself happy or peaceful. I couldn't get out of my own head, and I know that I couldn't see the world clearly. What I needed most was to know that someone, ANYONE, cared about me--however, it was during that time that my friends abandoned me. The only one who didn't was my BF, who lived 500+ miles away in a different state. I wasn't invited to parties, no one wanted to hang out, they stopped calling me, or sitting with me at lunch, I was ostracized from activities that I enjoyed--theater and church youth group activities.
  
  Looking back, I get it. As a high schooler, who wants to be around someone who is "down" all the time.  don't necessarily blame them. However, I wish that at least one person had stuck it out with me during that time. It would have made a lot of difference. FWIW, counseling helped me a lot and that time in my life feels very far away now. Couseling helped give me tools to better know myself and to keep my life in balance, even when those around me are unbalanced. It helped me to find peace in my life, during a time that was very confusing and chaotic.
  
  It seems like your friend might be feeling lost in her life right now and maybe she needs some support (through professional counseling) to help find her way back to the right path.
  

  

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• folding member

  August 2012

  I have a friend like that.  She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and when I needed her the most, she kind of closed off and got a little distant.  She is one of the last of our friends who is single (she continues to be in relationships that do nothing for her.)  When I found out about my pregnancy earlier this year, she totally avoided me.  Then when I had my mc, she started to come out of the woodwork.  This time around, she at first seemed supportive but then got distant again.  The other day I told her about my doctors appointment and how my doctor said the baby was fussy and was swimming around a lot and couldn't keep still.  Her response:  "GROSS!"  I haven't really talked with her since.  Clearly she is upset that I am experiencing this and not her, and there is nothing I can do to change that.  I worry that she wants me to lose this baby too just so she won't feel left out.  That really upsets me so I try not to think about it.

  
  Married to SAJ since 8/6/11
  BFP #1: 1/23/12 mc: 2/19/12
  BFP #2: 6/20/12 

  Oliver Stephen born 3/7/13

  BFP #3: 10/22/13

    

  
  

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