- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Natural Birth
TrendyTina
member
What the heck happened? Still dealing with birth defeat...
TrendyTina
member
It's been nearly 4 months since I gave birth and I'm still coming to terms with the fact that my birth was not natural like I wanted. The main issue I'm trying to figure out is why my contractions never started and why I couldn't dilate.
Short birth story: 40 weeks 6 days
8am- NST and membranes stripped in MW office. I was told to go the hospital for my BPP because the US tech had called in sick.
11 am: outer bag of water breaks at home
12:30- arrive at hospital for BPP, but tell nurse about the fluid.
4pm- admitted
5pm- start breast pump. Contractions start.
6pm-8am- labor with DH and doula. MW broke the inner bag at some point during the night.
8am- progress check- only 1.5 cm
11am- exhausted agree to start pit and take the epi to rest
2:24- give birth
I want to accept my birth and be ok with its outcome. I know I was tired, and needed to rest so I could push DS out and avoid a c-section, but I just can't figure out why my contractions never became strong enough for me to dilate. My doula suggested that my MW might have accidentally punctured my bag during the membrane strip and that my body wasn't actually ready for labor. Is it possible for your body to begin labor spontaneously, but truly not be able to dilate or is it more likely that the MW accidentally punctured my inner bag? I'm still so disappointed by the outcome. My birth was special and beautiful, but not the natural experience I was hoping for.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What the heck happened? Still dealing with birth defeat...
First, I'm not a midwife or a physican so I can only speak from my experience. My water broke at 37 weeks. I had no contractions until over 12 hours later. We were having a homebirth with a CNM so luckily I wasn't on 'the clock" like at a hospital. My midwife just advised not to have sex (of course) and she never did internals- inserting anything inside could increase the odds of infection. I remember asking if I shoudl walk, etc. and she told me just to relax, she'd hate for me to wear myself out. She did ask questions about whether there was still movement, blood, etc. and when she came to our house monitor the heartbeat, etc. Well at about 14 hrs after my water broke, I had my first contractions and then low and behold 4 hours later our baby came.
To my knowledge, membrane stripping has not been proven as effective- when your body is ready then its time. IMO it sounds like your body wasn't ready yet and although your water did break, you probably just needed time. Or perhaps your doula was right and your midwife accidently punctured the inner bag.
You have every right to feel disappointed and I know everyone will say that as long as you had a healthy baby it doesn't matter. But you still have the right to grieve for the experience you lost so allow yourself to and perhaps talk with another midwife next time if you decide to have another on what, if anything, should/could have been done differently.
I can only speak from my experience, but with my first my water broke(spontaneously - no stripping) about 12 hours before I started labor (yes, I had little contractions that were consistent, but I was not in active labor). I had to do everything for 12-14 hours to get my labor going - dog walks/going up hills, lunges, walking non-stop, hip-hulu, bouncing on ball, nipple stimulation, more walking, etc. It was like being in a marathon b/c I couldn't sit down and take a break or things wouldn't keep going. Luckily by about 12-14 hours after my water broke I started active labor and my body took over. I still keep vertical a lot and walked and walked and walked...and bounced on the ball for 6+ more hours before I was far enough along to take a shower or just lay/be on all-fours during labor. It was really hard at 11pm-12am in the night still trying to move after being up since 3am the previous day.
At 24-25 hours after my water broke I was stalled at 9 1/2 cm and got pitocin for about 1/2 an hour and then pushed for another 1 1/2-2 hours, so it was over 26 hours from my water breaking to the baby being born and I would bet I was moving for 3/4ths of that time. It was rough and I didn't sleep, but I did eat/drink gatorade.
I'm not sure if all those things helped, but I pretty much only was in the hospital bed for about 10-min every hour until I got the pitocin at the end. I think first-time labors are just marathons and it's so very hard to prepare or predict how hard that is on a 10-month pregnant woman - it's exhausting to say the least and I bet you were just exhausted!
To help you deal with it a little...my water broke first with my second kid also, but I went into active labor within 30-min without much activity and had him with 6 hours. So even if it was tough that first time...if there's a next time, I would bet that your body will respond more quickly the second time around.
...baby #3 is here...
I consider myself very educated about prenatal development, anatomy, labor and delivery and I have NO idea what you guys are talking about when it comes to the "inner bag" and "outer bag." You have one fluid filled sac inside your uterus filled with amniotic fluid. Not two. Is it possible you're talking about a difference in position of the break? So maybe you had a high break that leaked a little bit but then your midwife provided a low break to allow the baby's head to drop further?
That's how I read it...a tear first and then the baby's head can cover that a little, but you can have a big break later or a high tear that leaks more when laying down without baby's pressure on your cervix compared to a lower tear/rip that leaks more constantly.
From what I understand that can be an "inner/outer" sac, but only the inner sac actually has the fluid, so if you're leaking fluid you're all the way to the inner sac.
Ref - kind of: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amniotic_sac
...baby #3 is here...
My experience was the first I had heard of it also, but doula and MW both (separately) assured me there are, in fact, two layers of fluid. There was certainly fluid at home and the swab test revealed my water had broken. The internal bag was still intact, though, and my midwife broke it later. That's when there was the gush. I think my experience is more atypical, though, which is why most people have not heard of it.
I'm sorry things didn't progress like you hoped. Take all the time you need to process the birth and your emotions. Try to remember that almost no birth or experience is perfect. My DD dropped her HR severely low about 10 minutes before she was born and those last ten minutes were extra intense and slightly traumatic. I hate that all the pics of me holding DD in the tub I look shocked and in pain. I also hate that we had to transfer DD to the hospital. It was 95% the birth I had hoped for but DH and I are still processing everything. Talk therapy may help, I know if we have another LO that I will definitely need to process this birth to prepare for the next. I'm sorry you are going through this. Hugs!
Awe, I'm sorry you still have such lingering sadness about your birth experience.
All I can add is that my water broke at home and I never felt a single contraction for 9+ hours and ended up with a birth similar to yours (pit + epi). The thing is, though, when I got to the hospital and they hooked me up, they said I *was* contracting regularly (I just wasn't feeling them AT ALL). In retrospect, I think I eventually would have dilated on my own, I just think some women take a very, very long time. That's us.
yes maybe body just wasnt ready? I also did not have the beautiful natural birth center birth I had planned as I went 2 weeks over and had to have pitocin at the hospital instead.
I had membrane stripped 2x and two doses of cervadil (just gave me 8 hours of agonising pain/contractions each time, no progression). Even after 6+ hours of pitocin I was 2cm! The mw broke my water then and things got moving quickly.
I am still hopeful for a natural progressing labor next time. I don't even know what a non-pitocin, non-cervadil contraction FEELS like so I feel like I was gypped. Next time I hope to not go so far overdue and to have a normal labor.
Good luck, I hope you can get past it! It sucks when you spend 9 months planning your birth then it doesn't work out that way.
I'm assuming they're speaking of a forebag of amniotic fluid. Had one with DS1, and have seen it in a handful of patients over the years. Had the "Hollywood gush" with DS1, and then the forebag needed to be ruptured when I was stuck at 6cm; within an hour, I was fully.
I had a similar birth experience with my son. I had an OB break my waters on accident while doing an internal exam at my 39 week check up. I had already been leaking, but her probing caused the bag to rupture. I had mild contractions start after my water started leaking, the big contractions didn't start until I checked in to the hospital about 24 hours later. After 10 hours of laboring in the hospital, with double and tripple peaking contractions, I ended up getting an epidural to help me relax in order to progress more, because I was only 2 cm. Ended up getting pitocin after that to help me progress a little faster. I totally understand how disappointing it can be to not have your ideal natural birth experience. My son is now an amazing and active 2.5 year old and I am just happy he is healthy.
This time around I am planning on skipping the internal exams prior to being in labor, and even then I don't want to know how much I am dilated. It was very discouraging knowing that I wasn't progressing as much as I needed to, and having the stress of the hospital breathing down my back because my water was broken for over 24 hours really sucked. I know that the hospital staff talking about the risk of infection if I didn't get interventions lead to me getting a strong "Fear Tension Response" and slowing my labor.
Trendy Tina,
Absolutely your feelings are valid. Everyone has expectations and when they are not met, especially about childbirth, it can be very upsetting. I think talking about it and focusing on the positve and some passing of time will dull the pain you are experiencing.
As for the 'why', you will probably never know. You can list the posibilities, but analyzing it over and over will probably make you crazy (please don't be offended, I am just speaking from experience). I would just focus on accepting the fact that it went how it went and there is nothing you can do about it. Accept it and move on. Focus on the day at hand.
You tried your best! I think that' is kind of like parenthood. You try your best and try not to regret all the little things you feel like you 'messed up' on. Keep your chin up! And congratulations on a beautiful healthy baby!
Thank you for this! I wish there was some way to know, but I guess I will have to accept that it is what is. I'm just hoping next time will be different!