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November 2012 Moms
Uninviting people to shower? (Long)
So my mom wouldn't stop adding people to the shower invite list, even knowing that the restaurant where we're having it has a max of 50 guests for their banquet room. The coordinator was VERY clear about the fact that 50 was even pushing it and she would not suggest having that many due to the room size, it would be super cramped.
At the moment we're going to be at 51 guests if everyone else RSVPs yes. I've been stressing out about this and now my mom just tells me that her 1st cousin texted her she would be coming along with her 2 kids and 3 grandkids - who were NOT invited.
I said how it was rude to assume the kids were invited considering only the cousin's name was on the invite (not "and family" or anything). Plus since it's at a restaurant and we pay per head, it's not like a house shower where you can kind of get away with that. I told my mom I hope you told her that you're sorry, but since we have a tight guest list and a room limit, plus we have to pay per head and it's pricey, we weren't able to invite children. My own nieces were not invited for this reason, who I'm really close with! If these kids show up it will be major drama with MIL (why weren't my grandkids invited, why do I have to pay for these kids I don't even know, etc)
My mom: Well noooo....I didn't know what to say and I felt mean saying anything....and if I tell them the kids can't come my cousin won't come and I want to see her.
I told my mom it wasn't "mean," that her cousin was the one out of line and that the guest list was out of control to begin with. She refused to tell her cousin the kids were not invited and said well "let's hope more people decline." Out of the people left to RSVP, most of them are friends who I know are definitely coming...so I don't see many no's coming.
Would you further press the issue with your mom? Get MIL involved, who is splitting the shower? (that's risky because they don't really care for each other). Or just ignore it and hope for the best? I'm just afraid the coordinator will say 50 people is 50 people, you need to cut some or there won't be room for everyone...and it's not like I can go to my friends or relatives, "hey you actually can't come now."
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Uninviting people to shower? (Long)
When having a party in a restaurant you have to keep in mind that they do have the right to refuse party guests. Especially if the space is not rated for a higher occupancy.
I personally would press the issue since it is possible that this cousin bringing extra guests could result in those invited not being able to attend and enjoy the baby shower.
If your mother wont call and inform the cousin I would do it myself. Nicely of course and explain that you only have so much space at the restaurant.
I think it is terribly tacky to allow uninvited guests to show up when it means those who were invited might be forced to sit out. Waiting for declines is not an option.
If your mother wont call and inform the cousin I would do it myself. Nicely of course and explain that you only have so much space at the restaurant. "
This. If your mom won't do it, I would just call her myself. Tell her how much you are looking forward to her coming and you know how much your mom wants her to be there, etc. Then say, sorry but mom didn't realize at the time you RSVP'd that kids are not invited, due to location of the party. You'd love to see the kids at some other family gathering, but this is an adults only gathering, due to limited space and be straight with her that you can't make an exception because other close family have already been told they have to leave their kids at home and it would cause hurt feelings. Good luck.
Thanks. I was already pondering contacting the cousin and explaining it, knowing my mom won't do it...I think I'll bring it up to my mom again and let her know that if she won't contact her cousin, I will.
If my kid's name wasn't on the invite, I would NEVER assume they were invited. She could have at least asked first (which still would've been rude, but better than assuming).
Do you think all 50 invited will attend? (I know from our wedding, 135 RSVP'd yes and only about 110 actually showed up the day of the wedding.)
Oh man. Both my cousin Kim and I had this similar situation for our weddings! We both only invited our Aunt and Uncle (their extended family doesn't show up for any family event and we hardly ever see them and we were both on limited space for the event). Well for Kim's wedding, our Aunt RSVP'd for TEN people!!!! And for mine she replied with 6. My mom told Kim exactly what PP's have said, call and tell them that she was really sorry, but because of the venue size she only had the room to accomadate the two of them. Luckily, my mother had no problem (the Aunt is her sister) calling and telling them we couldn't accept 4 extra people.
So yes, I would press the issue. I think people think baby showers are less formal than other things and can add on however many people they want thinking there are no consequences, but that's not true. Whether or not you had a 50 person limit, you would buty food according to how many you invited. My point: if there is an RSVP involved, formal or not, it is rude to invite other people to come with you. Good luck with this.