Adoption as a single parent

emilyraces · August 2012

Anyone here done it? I am freshly 28, so I know some of you may feel I'm a bit young to be saying this, but I honestly doubt I am going to meet The One. I've thought about becoming an adoptive parent since I was in high school and have never seen myself with biological kids - I'm not sure why, I just haven't, for whatever reason. All of this adds up to... well, why not start looking into it now? Are there any single adoptive moms here who can offer some thoughts for somebody just starting to seriously look into this? I'm well established with an advanced degree, a good job, and I am saving for a house, so this isn't just a pipe dream. I'm currently leaning toward international adoption or adoption through foster care, but obviously still have a lot of homework to do...

ellekae · August 2012

Hi, there! While I'm not single, I know there are a few that frequently post here. Stick around, browse the archives, and check out the FAQs at the top of the board for adoption & foster care basics!

Welcome to the board!

Foster1Mom · August 2012

Welcome to the board.

IRR · August 2012

As someone who was married at 40, I will say YES you are really young to be thinking that you won't meet THE ONE. Agree with PP that being single with a child is very difficult unless you do have help, whether it be a live in nanny or super parents. Also think about once you have a child it will be that much harder for you to "meet the one" since you won't have time to go out. JMO, but I would wait another 5-7 years before thinking about becoming a single mom. Buy your house and continue saving for the future. Best of luck with your decision and welcome to the board.

irismorning · August 2012

I am a single adoptive parent with two wonderful little boys. My boys were placed in my custody in 2008 when I was 29. The adoption was finalized last year. Parenting is a wonderful experience that I would not trade for anything! My situation is a little different in that I was acquainted with the biological family and my boys were voluntarily placed with me (the court system approved the placement because of severe issues within the biological family.) My boys are wonderful and I love them with every ounce of my body!

This being said, being a single parent is HARD. I will reiterate what a PP said. You are the only one who can take off work to stay home with a sick child (my DS2 has had recurring problems with ear infections and asthma- think taking off at least 1 day every week for the first few years), the only one to attend school functions, the only one to wake up in the middle of the night, the only one to attend sports, Cub Scouts, etc. The thing that I find the most difficult is not having someone else right there to share excitement at new milestones and talk over problems with. PP was also correct in that there is not much time for dating. The biggest adjustment that I had (this was also for my married friends who have children) was the lack of spontaneity when you have children. When bedtime comes, you have to be at home.

I do not live near much extended family (my parents are in another state), but I do have a GREAT support network here. My best friends are "aunt" and "uncle" to my boys and my youngest brother recently moved here to be able to spend more time with his nephews. There are also several men in my church whom I trust, who have stepped up and take the boys to do ?men things? (fishing, golfing, etc.)

Everything said, if you have a super support system in place, a secure job and a great financial plan and you really want to: go for it. It could be the most rewarding experience of your life. Just please think through all of the ramifications. To me, my boys are worth everything. It is just a decision that you need to make for yourself.

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions. I will be glad to speak with you further.

DaisyZH · August 2012

Welcome to the board! There is a ton of information to be found on both international and foster care adoption - books, websites, blogs, you name it! One book I really liked when we first started out was "You Can Adopt" by the Adoptive Families magazine people. It's a pretty good introduction to adoption.

I don't have any advice on being a single parent, but it's your life and if it is what you want to do and truly feel in your heart is right then surround yourself with a great support system as PPs said and go for it Smile

jmoka7 · August 2012

Hello! I am on the road to becoming a SMBC (single mom by choice). I TTC on my own for a little over a year and now I am in the process of becoming a foster mom with the hopes of one day adopting. I just turned 29 in May, but I don't feel "too young" to become a mother. I read from a few on this board that adopting internationally as a single mom may be a lot harder (I'm not totally sure, though). When I started classes to become a foster mom there were lots of single women. It seems like adopting from foster care is really welcoming to single women. GL with your journey!

butterflyroy78 · August 2012

Welcome!

As a single mom, NOT by choice, it is HARD. Noone is there to take over when you are about to lose it and there is no one to pick up the slack. But guess what? You make it work. Just don't go into it with rose colored glasses and you will be great! I was young when I got married and I was young when I got divorced and I don't regret a single second of being a single mom. Good luck! You can do this!

mommytoconnor · August 2012

Welcome. I am a single mom who adopted thru foster care. I also never met the man of my dreams and was not about to let that stop me from being a mom. So I went thru the classes and homestudy and all that jazz and ended up adopting my son last year. I will tell you that adopting thru foster care as a single woman is incredibly difficult. There was a recent "law" on the table that is making it even harder. The government is saying that basically a single parent can only adopt if a 2 parent family is not willing,able, available or if it is the best interest of the child to have only one parent. But that if there is a 2 parent family, then they will almost always get priority over a single person. Not fair, I know. I waited for over 4 years for a placement. This was when I was just wanting to adopt, before I decided to fost/adopt. With that said, my son was placed with me at 4 months old, from a foster home. His birth parents never had any contact with him, lucky me. His adoption was finalized one week after his first birthday. I can tell you that it was the best decision of my life. I love him more than anything and can't imagine not having him in my life. He is my everything. I am lucky that I have a mom who is very involved. She watches him while I work. I am lucky that I only work 3 days a week as a nurse, so I have 4 days off a week. I don't really know what the hardest part is, there are a lot of hard things. When they get sick, you want to be there. When you have to make a decision about something with them, it's all you. It's not an easy road, but so worth it. You can do it, I would not change any part of my journey and I am so blessed to have my son. Good luck.

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