My crazy arse wish for the day...

danieleandwayne · August 2012

I wish I could have frozen my eggs back when I could get pregnant by looking at a guy... and then have also started an untouchable fund to pay for the IVF I am so very likely going to need now.

This month's surprise? I'm anovulatory this month. Some stupid cyst collapsed and has tricked my ovaries into thinking they've already produced an egg.

Awesome. Because at my age, I can totally be okay with missing a month. Not to mention all that BDing for nothing! (And no, it's not like it's a Hollywood sex scene every time, so I could have been happy with a few evenings off...)

*sigh* I am having a harder and harder time every month bouncing back.

More bloodwork tomorrow.

BeckyP005 · August 2012

dhreczuck · August 2012

That seriously sucks! They could tell this from your bloodwork? I'm sorry, you have my permission to put a bag of poop on that women's front step...

robbensm · August 2012

I hear ya - coulda, woulda, shoulda. I feel like my life has become this giant hour glass and each day that goes by a little more of my fertility (and hope) slips away and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It doesn't help that there is so much waiting involved in this process. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and kick my younger self for letting me get to this place where time is running out.

technigirl · August 2012

That really sucks. Well...at least you can a BDing break now. Did you know that you had an ovarian cyst already, or is this something weird that just happened this month? Is it possible you did O already (thus the cyst)? What about the woman who thought you were going to O soon? I'm kind of confused. When is AF expected to show?

You'll pick it back up next month and nail that egg with some of your hubs' swimmers! Grrr! *gnashing teeth*

Melissa

danieleandwayne · August 2012

technigirl:
That really sucks. Well...at least you can a BDing break now. Did you know that you had an ovarian cyst already, or is this something weird that just happened this month? Is it possible you did O already (thus the cyst)? What about the woman who thought you were going to O soon? I'm kind of confused. When is AF expected to show?
You'll pick it back up next month and nail that egg with some of your hubs' swimmers! Grrr! *gnashing teeth*
Melissa

Just something weird that happened this month. I haven't had an ovarian cyst since I was a junior in college (i.e. back in the early 90s).

I have NO idea when AF is expected now. Since I've been off birth control, it's always arrived 13-14 days after Ovulation (except the month I was pregnant and this past month when it was delayed 2 days by the Crinone I was taking).

The woman thought I *might* ovulate late, but the doc thinks I won't ovulate at all this month. Tomorrow's blood tests will confirm this, he feels. The U/S yesterday and my estradiol result yesterday indicate no ovulation, just the collapsed cyst whose corpus luteum made it seem like I had an ovulatory LH surge when in reality, I had a false surge.

10-4LilBuddy · August 2012

Ugh. Who knew there were so many ways for our bodies to rebel against having a plain, good old fashioned ovulation? That sucks.

I was thinking that I should have frozen my younger eggs. Then again, we don't know what's wrong so my eggs could have always been stubborn. I completely understand having problems bouncing back every month. I think it takes more of a toll on us vs the bloodwork and exams.

owlprof · August 2012

You are right about the eggs. Like 10-4, I don't have a good idea why I'm not getting pregnant, so maybe I've got duds anyway, but I sure wish I was trying with some young eggs.

danieleandwayne · August 2012

You know what really sticks in my craw? The fact that I was so responsible-- I waited until I met a true life partner. Is it my fault that I didn't meet him until I was 34?? Is it wrong that I waited until we were making enough money to do more than just barely scrape by? Is it wrong that I want to have a baby that is part me and part the man I think has qualities I'd like to see in another human being??

Why can't my body cooperate.

When it betrayed me with the fibromyalgia and it's accompanying weight gain, I tried to stay positive and fight the good fight. When some stupid-arse veteran rugby teammate opened her fat yob and told a rookie to do something she shouldn't during a game and it broke my neck, I kept my mouth shut and just did the rehab and took the pain.

But this?!? I can't fight this. I can't do anything more than I already do to help my body function the way it's supposed to. I have chosen NOT to take meds that interfere with conception as well as carrying a child to term. I have made a point of eating more fruits and vegetables than I already did. I have cut out all soda. I have no more room left in my diet to make any more changes-- I already eat organic, free-range, antibiotic-free, local meats and produce. I avoid high-fructose corn syrup and other "fake" or engineered foods. I even use hair and hygiene products that have 5 or fewer ingredients-- all things I can pronounce and don't need a chemistry PhD to spell.

I feel so helpless. And without resources, because my hospital has sh!tty insurance. I can't help but wonder what the CEO, VP of Nursing, etc. would do if they were in my shoes-- do they even have the same insurance coverage as I do? Or would their treatments be covered at least in part?

ForTheLoveOf Pink · August 2012

Oh yes, if only.......I have often thought that if I had been on the ball so to speak I would have frozen my happy eggs back then........one prob with that....seriously how long can the eggs stay on ice.....like 10+ years.......Im thinking not so I'd still be S.O.L.

MrsNukem · August 2012

I ask myself this all the time (why didn't I freeze my eggs way back when?). I was trying so hard back then not to get pregnant, fertility was so far from my mind! I'm even trying to convince one of my 38 year old single friends to go get checked out and freeze her eggs (her own sister just did this at 36, what more convincing does she need?)

I hear ya on giving up things (I can't remember when I drank a soda, coffee, tea, etc, no artificial sweetners). And yet those much younger than us can eat like crap, drink diet cokes all day, get sh!tfaced drunk, and still get knocked up from a one night stand. Life is not fair.

Abeille · August 2012

I'm so sorry. It really is unfair...especially the insurance.

technigirl · August 2012

danieleandwayne:
You know what really sticks in my craw? The fact that I was so responsible-- I waited until I met a true life partner. Is it my fault that I didn't meet him until I was 34?? Is it wrong that I waited until we were making enough money to do more than just barely scrape by? Is it wrong that I want to have a baby that is part me and part the man I think has qualities I'd like to see in another human being??

I know what you mean! My little bro got some chick pregnant that he barely knew. Then when that baby was 6 months old, she was pregnant again! And they were oh-so-shocked. Now that has not worked out too well for my bro since she left him for someone else and is now a welfare mother that he has to pay child support to (even though he has the kids half of the time...stupid asinine custody laws). But it sure wasn't hard for them to make babies! Now me on the other hand, I got married at almost 31 and was too nervous to have kids right away. I know, I know...I should have just gone for it. And I would have, knowing what I know now. But we all think it's going to be easy for us, right? I was so worried about being ready, etc that I overthought the whole thing. When I started trying at 34, I encountered various issues and didn't get pregnant until I was almost 36. Now I'm here trying again at 38, wishing I was younger...

So I know how you feel, and I sometimes wish I had made some different choices.

Melissa

happywifemomofone · August 2012

Let me apologize for not reading all the posts b4 responding, I'm trying to catch up in a ver limited time. I also wish that I had frozen eggs when I was younger. I briefly considered being an egg donor after my son was born, and wonder if that experience might have made me aware of the possibility of egg freezing. I never considered my biological clock was ticking loudly, and that there we any options to me other than being with any man to get pg. Although we are not very public about our IF struggles, I find myself wanting to tell younger cousins.

ellajune2012 · August 2012

danieleandwayne:
And no, it's not like it's a Hollywood sex scene every time, so I could have been happy with a few evenings off...

I don't mean to make light of your situation (believe me, I'm there! Been trying since 2010 and when I finally DID get my BFP it was one thing after another keeping me from ttc, so I'm still at square one)

But this is hysterical. I think this sometimes too... I mean, when did sex become work? I wish I knew this back in college when we couldn't keep our hands off each other, lol.

Good luck with the bloodwork. Keeping my fingers crossed that it will happen for you.

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