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Attachment Parenting
Marsee
member
I'm Not a Nice Mommy (HELP!)
Marsee
member
During the past couple of weeks, I have been yelling at DS during nap/bedtime. It's not every day, but does it matter? I feel TERRIBLE about it.
He has been an OK napper (not the best or worst) and after his nap strike around 9 mos. we've been doing OK. For the past couple of weeks. He will not let me put him down for sleep. He gives all the cues for being tired and I respond by trying to put him down. Previously, a combination of walking while resting his head on my shoulder, nursing and nursing in the RS have always put him down. Now none of these things work. He *acts* like they work, but no. Especially with nursing, his eyes are closed, he's drifting off and he actually falls asleep for like a minute. Then he's instantly up, clapping, laughing, waving, etc. Or his little arms will start to flail wildly just as he's falling asleep. He turns into a wild man. Sometimes, he'll need help with a burp (his cue for this is acrobatic nursing where his butt ends up on my head). So I'll get up out of bed and walk around to help get the burp out. He then violently throws himself backwards and arches his back trying to get back into the bed.
Here's the cycle: almost asleep, up to play, almost asleep, acrobatic nursing, almost asleep, arms flailing, etc. I've tried waiting longer to put him to sleep and I've tried putting him down at his very first cue. Neither works. He also whines/cries because he's soooo tired and desperately wants to sleep. I can tell he really wants to go down, but he can't/won't.
He gives DH no problems at all. I can try to put him down for 20+ minutes. DH goes in there and he's down in 5 min. DH has weird work hours so I can't count on him to always be home for bedtime.
I just don't have patience for this sh*t. And that's where the yelling begins. DS and I both know that he needs/wants to sleep, but neither of us can make it happen.
Any help would be GREATLY appreciated. I can't spend my days being p*ssed at DS. I feel terrible. 
Sorry this got so long. Here's a beer. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm Not a Nice Mommy (HELP!)
Been there!!
My first advice...try an earlier bedtime. Almost everytime we've had sleep fighting issues, going with an earlier bedtime helped a ton.
Sometimes I found I just needed to take a break. Where is he sleeping now? I would just leave him in a room that's kid proof and take a time out for yourself when you feel yourself getting stressed.
I also found that about this age both kids resisted going to sleep nursing or in a carrier at bedtime. And like you, they went to sleep better for DH (who is also often not home at bedtime). Having a place they could go to sleep - like a floor bed in our case or a crib if you use one - without me needing to be right there helped. We'd just turn on some music and lay them down. Typically, I sit with them as they go to sleep but if they are fighting like you describe, I let them know I'll sit with them when they are ready to be still and walk away. Usually that's enough to give me a break and to get them to realize it really is time for bed.
Not sure that's the "best" solution but it works for the most part
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
Everything ncbelle said, plus I seem to recall a few times at that age I just couldn't do it anymore (DH works out of town a lot) and I strapped DS into the car at 8pm and just drove around. He may or may not have fallen asleep, and if he did it would take 40 minutes or more but it was 1) a change of scenery for us both 2) I could listen to music or talk radio to take my mind off the frustration 3) taking nursing out of the equation when you're doing the nurse-play-nurse-play-no sleep-routine because I would get "touched out" and start to resent nursing because of that frustration. I know that feeling of being ready for bedtime, having a list a mile long of things to do and feeling helpless. For us it was usually a schedule change and just took a few weeks to get over the hump and get back to routine.
Hang in there!
Thanks, ladies. Today we tried sleeping in the PNP next to the bed. It took almost two hours to get him down (and he ended up sleeping in the bed), but there was no yelling or frustration from me?victory! Tonight I tried the same thing and he got really close to falling asleep as I stood next to the PNP, but no dice. He nursed to sleep in the bed again and was down in about 40 min. so I consider this a victory too.
I only gave him two options. He could lay his head on my shoulder to go to sleep or he could fall asleep in the PNP while I stood next to it. Neither worked to get him to sleep and he cried a lot, but I was there to comfort him the whole time and he learned that I'm not playing games with sleepy time any more. I'm cautiously optimistic for tomorrow. We'll keep trying.
Above all, it's just good to know that others have gone through the same thing and have dealt with the same emotions I'm feeling right now. Thanks so much!
Wow, thank you for posting this! I am going through the same thing with my DS (13 mos). Naps are a twice daily battle and bedtime doesn't usually go much smoother. I often spend up to 45 minutes trying to get my DS to sleep, which he obviously wants/needs. It is extremely frustrating that my DH can put him down for naps/bed and he's out in 5 minutes.
Our routine is to lay down together in bed and read a book. Once the book is over, I pretend to be asleep. He sometimes falls asleep after realizing that I'm not going to respond to him giggling or grabbing at my shirt. Other times he'll get worked up and start crying. I've found that if I stay calm, he doesn't get so upset. Easy to say to stay calm though!
When I am about to lose my sh!t, I just have to put him in the crib for a few minutes so I can escape to the garage and scream. Stepping away from the situation allows me to chill out and start over. When I go back to get him (never more than 5 mins) to try again, he's usually ready to go to sleep. Yes, most of the time he's crying when I go back to get him, but I have to take a few minutes to regroup.
I really don't have any advice and I'm sorry. I just wanted to post to let you know that I am in a very similar situation and I feel for you. I know exactly what it's like to be so upset while trying to get LO down for nap/bedtime, and then feeling terrible afterwards because it becomes such an ordeal. Best of luck to you! I hope your LO quits putting up a fight for sleep soon.