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Vacation Vent

cole2144cole2144 member
in Blended Families
Ok so it`s a little complicated. We leave in exactly one month for Disney. It happens to fall on BM`s weekend which is the first time this has happened as she has never let us take SD for a full week vacation before. My husband offered BM a variety of solutions to this issue, offered our weekend to make up the time. It just could not be our weekend right before we leave since that is our son`s birthday party. Well of course that is the only one she wants. We get SD EOW Thursday to Sunday. My husband offered to pick up Olivia the weekend we leave on Friday and drop her off the Sat we get back so BM would not miss a whole weekend worth of time. We would have Olivia the weekend before the trip until Saturday so they would be even and SD could attend her brother`s party. BM still says no, we either switch the entire weekend or SD can not go to Disney. BM is the most selfish woman I have ever met in my life. She would really have SD miss her little brother`s birthday! How is SD going to feel when she sees the pics of all her friends there but not her?!
No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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Re: Vacation Vent

  • kllrbnnykllrbnny
    Why can't people put their egos aside and focus on the kids!? I deal with that nonsense w/DS's dad too. Have you tried offering her more time so that she comes out ahead? Like, 2 weekends for her to the one weekend you are picking up?
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    I will have to ask DH about that, the problem is he gets so little time as it is. EOW with no weekday visits and one week vacation each year (this is the first year she will let us take it). We have no CO and are waiting on a court day.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imagecole2144:
    I will have to ask DH about that, the problem is he gets so little time as it is. EOW with no weekday visits and one week vacation each year this is the first year she will let us take it. We have no CO and are waiting on a court day.

    How far do you live? Can you pick her up for a few hours and give up a few more hours to make up for it? Can DH tell her exactly what you said, I am trying to fun solutions so that our child does not get her feelings hurt when she finds out her friends were at her brother's birthday party and she was not, I am trying to do this for her, not me.

    Who says pick your brothers birthday r Disney!
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imageLittlejen22:
    imagecole2144:
    I will have to ask DH about that, the problem is he gets so little time as it is. EOW with no weekday visits and one week vacation each year this is the first year she will let us take it. We have no CO and are waiting on a court day.
    How far do you live? Can you pick her up for a few hours and give up a few more hours to make up for it? Can DH tell her exactly what you said, I am trying to fun solutions so that our child does not get her feelings hurt when she finds out her friends were at her brother's birthday party and she was not, I am trying to do this for her, not me. Who says pick your brothers birthday r Disney!

    He asked her that but she won`t answer the question. He will keep trying to talk to her and I will ask him to say that to her.

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    I know it sucks. BM actually did not let my SKs come to DS's first birthday party. The weekend before was BM's, the weekend after was Mother's day weekend (so BM's) and the weekend after was BM's regular weekend again. We asked for us to have them JUST for the party (not even to switch a weekend or anything) and she declined. In general, BM is good at working things out but for some reason she didn't budge that time. This year we had to have DS's birthday 3 weeks late just so they could all go and we didn't have to worry about it.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    We figured since it was our weekend for the party, we were safe. DH is willing to give her a different weekend or just get her for the party to make up for the time SD will be with us on vacation.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • Moschic31Moschic31

    I've been lurking but have to comment because situations like this drive me crazy.  I feel for you.  My fiance's ex was the same exact way when it came to vacations or any extra time with the children.  If we planned a vacation and it crossed into her weekend, she would give us a hard time, so much so that we actually cancelled a trip once.  If we asked to pick up the kids an hour or two early for an event, she would want them back an hour or two early, "to be fair."  The idea that you and your husband can't take the child for one week long vacation without having to give BM something back in return is CRAZY -especially since it sounds like she is the custodial parent who probably as more time with the child anyway?  And I get it, we dealt with the same but it makes me so mad when a parent can't just let things go to the point that they feel they are owed something for allowing the child to spend more time with the other parent.  Luck to you. 

    Ectopic Pregnancy * December 2008 Miscarriage/D&C * June 29, 2012
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    imageMoschic31:

    I've been lurking but have to comment because situations like this drive me crazy.  I feel for you.  My fiance's ex was the same exact way when it came to vacations or any extra time with the children.  If we planned a vacation and it crossed into her weekend, she would give us a hard time, so much so that we actually cancelled a trip once.  If we asked to pick up the kids an hour or two early for an event, she would want them back an hour or two early, "to be fair."  The idea that you and your husband can't take the child for one week long vacation without having to give BM something back in return is CRAZY -especially since it sounds like she is the custodial parent who probably as more time with the child anyway?  And I get it, we dealt with the same but it makes me so mad when a parent can't just let things go to the point that they feel they are owed something for allowing the child to spend more time with the other parent.  Luck to you. 

    Exactly, there is absolutely no extra time above what BM thinks we should have. If we ask to pick SD up for extra time or to take her somewhere, then the next visit she has to leave early. Yes BM has her 11 nights out of 14. DH gets no week day visits. I can`t wait for court.

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • twister22twister22 member

    imagecole2144:
    I will have to ask DH about that, the problem is he gets so little time as it is. EOW with no weekday visits and one week vacation each year (this is the first year she will let us take it). We have no CO and are waiting on a court day.

    The fact that no one else has mentioned anything makes me think I may be wrong, but I was under the impression that in most states, if both parents are on the BC they both have equal rights. I know in others a father technically has no rights until he gets a court order (if not married.)

    Couldn't you just pick SD up for the weekend for DS's bday, and then let BM know you will be keeping SD until your vacation is over?

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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    BM will not let us pickup her up that weekend. She often refuses to let us get SD if she wants to keep her. She forces us to switch weekends or says we can switch or not get her at all.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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