Special Needs
smisch51
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When your baby was born.....how did you do it????
smisch51
member
How did all you special needs mom do it when your baby was born? Did you quit your job and stay home so you can care for your baby? Did you work part-time? Did you go back to work and put baby in daycare. I'm in a dilemma and don't want ANYONE caring for my son but me. I'm just need some input please on how all of you handled it with work and caring for your baby.
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Re: When your baby was born.....how did you do it????
We found out about DS's issues (cardiac) when I was about 6 months pregnant. We knew that he would have surgery within days after he was born - plus for the remained of the time I was pregnant I had doctors appointments every few days (my own cardiologist, genetic counselors, high risk ob's, perinatal cardiologists, different specialists, etc) so at that time I took an extended leave of absence from school and my job. I stayed out till my son was 1. At that time I was super lucky that my MIL was able to care for him so I could go back part time. I did that for about 2 and half years and hated every minute of it so this past May I quit and SAH full time now.
It's so hard to leave any baby with someone else... especially a SN baby... I totally feel your pain. You can absolutely find good childcare though... there are in home providers that can give your DC more individual attention and some states have special child care facilities for kids with special medical needs.
I wish you the best of luck! Something will work out!
hannah
I wasn't aware of Cash's medical condition until birth. I still had every intention of returning to work, but had in my mind that I would return earlier while he was in the NICU to be able to have a maternity leave once he was released. However, after we received his diagnosis we both decided that I would stay home to care for him. Money has been tight and we now live practically pay check to pay check, but none is going to care for a child with vent needs. We haven't been able to find full time daytime nursing, and my job wasn't available at night, so I stay home.
You have to do what you feel is best. You may be able to qualify for SSI for Cody which is based off of income of your spouse or both of your incomes. It definitely doesn't cover my work salary, but by the time we took out gas (commute) child car for the other boys and what not it was 25% less than what I would have brought home anyway. Let me know if you have any questions and good luck.
I stayed hom for 6 months. Then after that, I went to part time. The only people that watched my son was my aunt (who is like my mom) and my husband.
It took me awhile for me to leave my son with anyone. I still only let a few people watch my son till this day. Very rare, I will let one of my friends watch him - but if they do, they only have him for an hour.
I also had to go back to work to make ends meet financially. My baby came home from the hospital when she was five weeks old and three weeks later I had to go back to work. I luckily am the director of a daycare center so I could bring her to work with me. It's still so hard though to make that decision because even though I could bring her with me, I still had to work so she still had to be in a classroom with other people caring for her.
I'm now glad that she's in daycare. She has formed a very strong bond with her teachers and they are so good with her. It has brought down that wall that I used to have around her. I never wanted anyone doing anything with her or for her unless it was by my husband and I. She's progressing so well being with other children and other people. She's so social now and loves being around other people.
But trust me...not a day goes by where I don't think about being home with her or only have a part-time work load.
Weigh out your options and you'll make the best decision for you and your family. Is working from home an option?
This was and is still the biggest and hardest decision that I have made about my son. I didn't know that Trev had special needs until he was born. He was in the NICU for about a month, and my job started putting pressure on my to come back after what they called the "expected" 6 week leave. That would have put me back at work only 2 weeks after he was home from the NICU. I pushed back and said I wouldn't return until 12 weeks. Even then, I really didn't want to go back at all. Three things helped to change my mind:
1) Even parents of "normal" children have anxiety over going back to work. It is hard to find good, affordable care. It is hard to hand your child over to someone else to raise. It might be a little harder for us, but, it is so normal to feel anxiety over this.
2) I want Trevor to be as normal as possible. There is a balance between caring for him and obsessing over the fact that he is special. Before I knew that Trevor had SN, it was my plan to go back. I didn't want him to grow up thinking that he had robbed me of my career. I also know that I am a driven person. I didn't want to focus my drive on caring for Trevor. I thought that the more that I obsessed over him, the more "sick" he would seem.
3) It was the right thing to do for my marriage. I cannot and do not understand why it is so important for my DH that I work (I ask and ask, and he can't articulate and answer other than "it just is"). I have a feeling that my DH feels the pressure of keeping a career and wants me to share in that responsibility. I also think that material things are more important to my DH. I would be more willing to live without as much if it meant that I could stay home. Because of the two reasons above, it was easier for me to suck it up and get over this one.
All of that being said, I think I am on the verge of being laid off. I know that cuts are coming, and I think I am on the list. Right now, my job allows me a lot of flexibility to get to dr's appts and to take time off for hospital stays. I don't know what or how I will cope if that goes away.....
Thank you so much for your responce. This really helps me a lot. This is exactually how I am feeling now, but you said it better
Thank you for helping me make my decision. I'm sorry about your job and you'll be in my thoughts.
We didnt find out Cody had DS until 3 days after he was born. I had planed to be a stay at home mom anyway and im glad i did, but really we took it one day at a time and i spent every waking moment with him for the 1st year of his life. Then i decided it was time for him to be around other kids and i sent him to a daycare my cousin runs ( there are no more than 11 other kids there and her and her husband are the care givers) Im glad i did he has learned so much from the other kids and he loves being with them. But i felt the same way you did for awhile No one other than me or my husband took care of him for awhile then i let my parents and so on. i had to ease into it, i was afraid no one would take care of him the way i did!
Amanda