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Hating on pregnant women right now...

danafromslopedanafromslope member
in TTC after 35
So its bad enough that 3 of my coworkers had showers this week for their expected bundle of joy, I just got a shower invitation from a friend who said she HATED the idea of having kids. Add to that whenever I go to any of these events, being a good sport and all, inevitable someone will turn to me with a "you're next" or "you and your hubby should get a move on"...Internally I am fuming wanting to scream, "Of course I want kids, my body won't cooperate" and "How dare you harass a woman over 40 about having a kid--its none of your f**king business". How do you show happiness for pregnant women when you are torn about hiding another reminder of your short comings and dreading someone pointing you out as a non-Mom?
Success after 3 years of trying! Alexander and Porter born May 3, 2013....
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Re: Hating on pregnant women right now...

  • danieleandwaynedanieleandwayne member

    Depending on my mood, I don't show the happiness. Sometimes, when people harass me about having kids (what if I didn't want kids-- does that make me a bad woman?!?), I just look at them and say, "MH and I have been trying for a year now, but thanks for reminding me that I'm barren. It feels AWESOME!"

    Then I usually put some kind of appetizer or drink in my mouth and watch the show on the person's face. 

    But when I hide it, I just plaster that fake smile on my face, claim allergies or a headache and spend the least amount of socially-acceptable time at the party...

    Hang in there and GL!

    *********************************************************************************************

    "You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was." 
            -- Abraham Lincoln
     

                               Me:39  MH:39 
    DD born 6/1/2013 after 15 months of TTC with one loss.    
    TTC #2: BFP 4/22 but stalled growth and no HB at 9w3d on 5/30        

    <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a2798" style="font-size:smaller;" >
    <br /> My Ovulation Chart</a>
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  • robbensmrobbensm member
    imagedanieleandwayne:

    Depending on my mood, I don't show the happiness. Sometimes, when people harass me about having kids (what if I didn't want kids-- does that make me a bad woman?!?), I just look at them and say, "MH and I have been trying for a year now, but thanks for reminding me that I'm barren. It feels AWESOME!"

    Then I usually put some kind of appetizer or drink in my mouth and watch the show on the person's face. 

    But when I hide it, I just plaster that fake smile on my face, claim allergies or a headache and spend the least amount of socially-acceptable time at the party...

    Hang in there and GL!

    That's twice you have made me laugh out loud today - Love it!

    Me 39 & suspected PCOS, DH 42. Went off BCP when we got married in 11/11, seriously TTC since 3/12.  Six cycles of clomid = BFNs.  Suspected endometriosis & HSG showed both tubes blocked.  Sept 2013 IVF 5D transfer of two perfect embryos = BFN.  Started acupuncture and taking time off to drop some pounds & get healthier before FET in April 2014.
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  • BabyVDMBabyVDM member

    Life is too short to bottle these things up.  I attempt to use the "avoid or deflect" strategy but if that's not an option and if someone makes an off the cuff sort of comment about being "next" or "time to get a move on", I just tell them the truth.  If I know them personally, and there are no work people around I tell them the truth, the whole truth. Otherwise, I just say.  "It's not a choice I am making" or something to that effect and walk away.

    It's not always easy.

    I don't get upset by pregnant women, or babies anymore, except if the woman is young.  Then I just get jealous of her youth and all the potential she has.

     

     

    ____________________________

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  • happywifemomofonehappywifemomofone member
    We are the same age-although, I have not had problem with anyone assuming-even from afar, that we are TTC.  In some ways this is equally hurtful-as we have been trying so hard on our own private journey of heartache.
    TTC since 10/09 Me-43 DH-44 RE and testing 10/10-11/10, Recommending IVF 1/11 New RE AMA and DOR-DH low motility IVF #1.1 cancelled 3/11 due to poor response IVF #1.2 May 2011, one perfect 8-cell embryo, 3dt-BFN, IVF #2.1 Converted to IUI d/t poor response. New RE 9/2011. IVF 2.2 completed using HGH,EPP,DHEA, Q-10 and accupuncture. Transferred one 8-cell, grade one embryo on 10/19. BFP 10/31/11 Chemical pregancy on 11/2/11. Started stims for IVF #3, our final try, on 12-2-11. ET on 12/18. Transferred 3 Grade A embryos-BFFN Planning DE IVF, late March/early April- Donors ER expected to be 4/2-4/4. PAIF/SAIF welcome
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  • annaliselannalisel member

    3 work baby showers are a lot to take in one week. Seriously, couldn't they just have had a joint one?

    These people's comments are well intentioned but rude. I just show the minimum polite happiness. Disinterest is usually pretty good at stopping conversations because no one wants to be a bore.

    Please try not to feel bad. It's hard enough being sad and disappointed about not having a child (yet). There's no reason to beat yourself up by making it out to be a personal shortcoming. 

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  • ellajune2012ellajune2012 member
    imagedanieleandwayne:

    Depending on my mood, I don't show the happiness. Sometimes, when people harass me about having kids (what if I didn't want kids-- does that make me a bad woman?!?), I just look at them and say, "MH and I have been trying for a year now, but thanks for reminding me that I'm barren. It feels AWESOME!"

    Then I usually put some kind of appetizer or drink in my mouth and watch the show on the person's face. 

    But when I hide it, I just plaster that fake smile on my face, claim allergies or a headache and spend the least amount of socially-acceptable time at the party...

    Hang in there and GL!

    This is awesome. I HATE those questions. One time I had a colleague from another department that I don't even know very well point blank tell me, "What are you waiting for? You're not getting any younger." 

    I wanted to say, WHY thank you for noticing! I thought I was aging backwards. I kept quiet, partially because I don't want people at work to know I'm ttc, but I mean, really, wtf?

    imageimage
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

    Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
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  • emjo03emjo03 member

    Don't hide it.  Let them know they are being rude, but be super sweet about it.  When they say "you're next" reply with "From your mouth to God's ears."  (If you're a believer, if not that would probably not be fitting for you.)

     

    If they say you and your DH should get a move on reply with, "There's only so much WE can do and WE are doing our part." or similar.

     

     

    Sorry, that is really annoying!

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