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MIL drives me crazy. (vent)

SpocklesSpockles member
in Special Needs

I feel like I'm going to go crazy. My MIL has to voice her opinion and "advice" about EVERYTHING. She tries to be in control of our life. AHHHH!! I am thisclose to telling her off. OMG!

DH and I started bickering in front of her this past weekend, unfortunately. I'm just really sick of DH not pulling his weight with things. Whenever we're around his family DS gets overstimulated and runs around very chaotic...and I'M left to chase him. (but then if we don't visit them enough, MIL calls my SIL's and cries to them saying I'm trying to keep DS away from her. drama.)  It sucks.  So of course MIL starts defending my DH's lack of help because he works all day...blah, blah, blah.... (because he's her baby and can't do wrong. ::eye roll::) So MIL goes on to tell DS "your parents are crazy"....this really pissed me off. DO NOT TELL MY CHILD THAT HIS PARENTS ARE CRAZY! WTF? She then proceeds to ask DS "so, what do you know? Anything?" and I just feel like thats talking down to him. He's not stupid. He probably knows what she's saying, he just can't answer her.

So anyways, I really want to send her an email to tell her not to talk to DS like that and to also not tell DS that his parents are crazy. Should I? DH won't confront her. He sees nothing wrong with how she is.

DS has autism. I suspect my DH is also on the spectrum.

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Re: MIL drives me crazy. (vent)

  • Assembly_ReqdAssembly_Reqd member

    Honestly, I think it would be a huge waste of time and energy. It sounds like she lacks the social skills to be able to process what is going on. If you suspect DH is on the spectrum too, then she is truly living in LaLa land.

    You will not educate her, only frustrate yourself more. She will just end up using your email to further feed her drama. Don't let her take up so much of your brain space. Hugs. The situation sucks.

    WAY 2 Cool 4 School


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  • ariellabeariellabe
    I could have written this years ago. Unfortunately, I learned I can't educate the clueless.

    My husband used to be unhelpful; I finally had to force marital counseling. It was the best thing I did.

    I also limited contact with my ils. Now we see them twice a year in public places. Everyone in my family is better off.
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  • MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member
    That's awful. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I agree, don't email her or write to her. She'll probably just end up forwarding it to someone else in the family sayig "boo hoo, she's being mean to me!" My defense mechanism with dumb family members is to clam up. I don't visit or talk to them. For your own sanity I wouldn't hang around MIL much. Can you just drop DS off with her for a "playdate" and tell her you need to run errands, would she mind helping? I did this once in awhile with my Mom and it was very empowering for her. It made her feel like she has DS all to herself and she gets to "teach" DS and "set him straight." She learned pretty quickly that DS is his own person and as he got older she started to admit that maybe it wasn't all in my head (or my fault!!). I was also fortunate that my Mom ran into an old friend who had a child with autism- she gave my mom quite an education and I know they've become friends. It really turned my Mom around. I hope your MIL can get a clue.
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  • SpocklesSpockles member

    imageMirandaHobbes:
    That's awful. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I agree, don't email her or write to her. She'll probably just end up forwarding it to someone else in the family sayig "boo hoo, she's being mean to me!" My defense mechanism with dumb family members is to clam up. I don't visit or talk to them. For your own sanity I wouldn't hang around MIL much. Can you just drop DS off with her for a "playdate" and tell her you need to run errands, would she mind helping? I did this once in awhile with my Mom and it was very empowering for her. It made her feel like she has DS all to herself and she gets to "teach" DS and "set him straight." She learned pretty quickly that DS is his own person and as he got older she started to admit that maybe it wasn't all in my head (or my fault!!). I was also fortunate that my Mom ran into an old friend who had a child with autism- she gave my mom quite an education and I know they've become friends. It really turned my Mom around. I hope your MIL can get a clue.

    I don't hang around my MIL very often because she drives me nuts and tries to control everything we do and she's very intrusive. I hate it when she comes to our house. She oversteps her boundries, big time!

    I also don't trust her to be alone with DS. There was one instance where she was watching him while DH was helping his sister and I was working and DS fell down the stairs because she wasnt watching him and I didn't find out for 2 months until it slipped out and she laughed about it. This is also a woman who tried to feed DS frosting and cake at one month old.

    I have been told after MIL went crying to SIL's that I need to trust them and see how DS does with them (because I try to avoid chaotic situations with him where it'll be me chasing him around while everyone socializes.). I was also told that  I need counselling for my anxiety. ::eye roll::

     

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  • SpocklesSpockles member
    image-auntie-:

    Piling onto Miranda.

    Maybe a playdate with DH and his mother would be in order. You get some blissful respite and they get to be you. Win-win in my book.

    My dad used to constantly carp at me about "making DS special ed" , whateverthefvck that is, attributing most of DS's issues to be "all boy". Again, wtf? He especially didn't like the idea of medication for his anxiety or impulsivity and was pretty vocal about it.

    When my MIL died, DH and I made the mad dash out to Indiana leaving DS in my parents' care. I trust my mother implicitly; DS is more like her than anyone else I know- she jsu doesn't have the social deficits. By the end of 4 days with DS, dad was asking if "he's had his meds yet?" as if he were some fire to be put out. LMAO/

    I hate when DH is even around his mom without me. It's almost like he always comes home with a terrible attitude and overall pissed off because of her pestering about anything and everything and when I ask what she says he doesn't remember. He doesn't have the balls to stand up to her. She always wants to know how much money we make, what bills we have, how much money we're saving, etc...and unfortunately DH doesn't have a filter and will just tell her. The most recent thing is that she wanted to open up an account for DS but put it in her name and DH's name so she told him to come over to sign some document. I said no. It's just a way for her to be in more control.

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