natural hospital birth without a doula

cmt115 · August 2012

..is this possible?

i am closing in on my due date and researching doulas but part of me just wants to have my husband there with me and experience it just the 2 of us. the other part of me, knows i don't handle pain well, and as much as i want to go natural, i'm not opposed to pain meds and might succumb to them.

i know a doula will be a benefit but im wondering if there are any FTM's who can guide me towards doing it myself vs. with a doula (or vice versa)..also, any advice on how to prepare for natural birth without a doula would be helpful too.

thanks. learning alot from this board and appreciate it!

tokenhoser · August 2012

I loved my doula. My DH is a lovely husband, but he sucks at taking care of me when I'm sick or in pain. And in labour? He really didn't get it until the doula showed up and told him how to be useful. That's why I loved my doula.

If your DH is more responsive, willing to really prepare to be a birth coach, and capable of seeing you in pain but still helping you achieve your goal of a natural birth, you can do it without a doula. But be realistic about who your DH is and don't expect him to magically morph into a super-husband just because you're birthing a baby.

I figured there would be other people there no matter what (my doctor, a nurse, possibly a resident), so I wanted one of them to be one I picked for the job.

jinnymb · August 2012

I didn't use a Doula and had a planned med-free birth in the hosptial. But, if you don't use one, I highly recommend that you and DH do your homework or take a Bradley Class.

Good luck!!!

AmyRI · August 2012

It is possible. I did it.

But since you don't have a very strong conviction against meds, I would probably suggest a doula and/or natural birth classes to give you lots of coping mechanisms and to educate yourself as much as possible.

I had a really good motivator - the thought of the epidural needle in my back is enough to give me nightmares. At no point was labor worse than the thought of that needle. It got me through. However, my labor was also short - less than 8 hours from 1st noticable contraction to delivery. If it had been 3 times that long, it's entirely possible that I would have needed another support person to give DH a break and help keep me motivated.

And as far as it being "just the 2 of you"... it's really not like that at all. Even if things go perfectly, I bet you'll have 3 other people in the room - nurse for you, nurse for baby, and OB or midwife. They also asked me if a med student could observe and I agreed because I really didn't care who was in the room, and honestly the extra set of hands was nice - she held one leg and DH held the other while I pushed. I found it incredibly painful to put my legs down like they suggested between contractions, so having them support my legs while I rested between pushes was wonderful. The nurses were busy prepping things since I was progressing quickly, and the OB barely got her gloves on before I pushed DS out. The other people did not take away from that moment at all. A doula would have been no different for me. If my mother had been there, trying to be the first to hold the baby... that would have been different. But a doula will not impede on your bonding in any way.

runrinserepeat · August 2012

jinnymb:

I didn't use a Doula and had a planned med-free birth in the hosptial. But, if you don't use one, I highly recommend that you and DH do your homework or take a Bradley Class.

Good luck!!!

Exactly this. It's certainly possible (I'm proof), but I think it's best to go in as prepared as you can be.

meltoine · August 2012

It's certainly possible to have a med free hospital birth without a doula.

That said, just wanting it to be you and your H is a bit of a bogus reason for not hiring one. There will be several nurses, at least one doctor, and maybe even nursing or med students in the room, at least during pushing. Before pushing, if you want some time alone you can ask her to leave for a few minutes.

Celyn · August 2012

I did it without a doula. It just made me become a doula

alanap · August 2012

I did not have a doula with my first birth and am not planning on it with my second either.

I just prepared by reading a lot of books and trusting in my body and nature in general.

skooz · August 2012

Definitely possible. I did it. There were a couple times when I did not want to keep going, but DH was encouraging and the nurses knew I planned to give birth without medication so they weren't offering. I agree with others that it can be helpful to take a childbirth class geared toward natural childbirth. I wouldn't have been able to do it without support though, so it also depends on how well you think your husband will be able to provide support or how on board he is with your plans. Good luck!

Mamaofthesea · August 2012

I had a natural childbirth in a hospital, without a doula, and without having taken any childbirth classes. So it is definitely doable. And I don't think it's strange for you to want to experience birth with just your husband. Even though there will be other people in the room for the actual delivery, you are mostly alone during the labor part of things (unless you have a doula). So choosing whether or not to have a doula is a personal choice, and depends partially on how you think you and your H will interact during labor. If you think he will be an awesome, supportive, strong, nurturing partner then you really may not need a doula. It also depends on how comfortable you think you will be with other people around. For me, I kind of just wanted to be left alone during both of my labors, except for my husband, who I am 100% comfortable with. When people tried to coach me through contractions it irritated me more than helped me. But that's why it's a personal decision.

My perspective on natural childbirth, and childbirth in general, is that women really should remain flexible and open minded going into the whole experience. No matter how you prepare or plan you only have limited control over how your labor and delivery will go, how long it will last, how the baby will be positioned, etc. And all of these factors will contribute to the decisions you ultimately make about pain meds, interventions, etc. If you go into the whole experience absolutely determined you will do it all med/intervention-free, and then things don't go well, you may set yourself up for some serious disappointment. I think the best thing you can do is learn as much as you can about the childbirth process. Take a class if that's your style. But there are also lots of reading materials and videos that can help. Understanding what your body is doing during the birthing process can really help you maintain a positive perspective about the whole thing. Research and learn about pain management techniques if you want. I know that helps a lot of women (Although, I didn't. Screaming worked perfectly fine for me, and other than that my body just naturally knew what to do). And then just try to go with the flow.

Anyway, the point is that I think you should definitely research having a doula because a lot of women really benefit from them. But you don't by any means HAVE to have one to have a successful natural childbirth. And having one won't necessarily mean you do have a natural childbirth, either. Do what feels right for you.

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