Rebecca Marie's natural birth (long!)

i tried to type this a few months ago but my computer froze right after i finished and wouldnt post it. so annoying! anyways, here is the story of Becca's birthday = )

Due date was May 15th. I happened to have an appointment on my due date because of a HORRIBLE itchy rash i had developed on my legs and feet (i guess just a reaction to preggo hormones). it was seriously torture, especially in the middle of the night. i had been 3cm dilated and 90% effaced for a week or so, so i asked my doc to strip my membranes because i seriously couldnt handle the itchy foot rash any longer. He wanted to schedule an induction for next week since i had hit my due date...i told him i would talk to my husband and call to schedule it (that was a lie, i really wanted a natural birth and had no intention of doing an induction). So he stripped my membranes (this was on tuesday), and by wednesday i felt a lot of pressure and just really uncomfortable, lots of BH.  Thursday afternoon i went for a long walk (waddle) and told DH it could happen any minute, but i honestly thought i had a few more days to wait.

went to bed Thursday night feeling fine, and woke up around 1:45 am. readjusted myself to get comfy and tried to fall back asleep when i felt a strange "thud". it kinda felt like LO had kicked me really hard, but different than it normally feels when she kicks. i layed there for a few seconds thinking to myself "i wonder if my water just broke." i stood up to go to the bathroom just in case, and sure enough a huge gush of fluid started pouring out as i walked to the bathroom. i was grabbing at myself trying to get it to stop but no luck, lol! the rest of it splashed all over the bathroom floor. DH heard the commotion and yelled "babe, are you ok?" i said i think my water just broke!! he said "so i can sleep for a few more hours?" lol. i actually planned on laboring at home for a while, and i was gonna get back in bed with him and try to sleep some more so i told him yea, dont get up yet. i jumped in the shower just to rinse myself off before going back to bed, and immediately started having contractions. they werent too intense, just strong cramps. but they were regular right away. i started freaking out a little in the shower just because the time was finally here and there was no turning back. i had to talk to myself and breathe and say "you will be able to do this, its a natural process, women all over the world do it and so can you, you are strong and DH will be with you the whole time." so after getting out of the shower i got dressed and decided to time them before going back to bed. they were 5 minutes apart lasting about 30-45 seconds, and quickly growing in intensity.

DH got up and we finished packing our hospital bags (yea i procrastinated this), and called my doc. she said to head to the hospital. DH was staying calm but i could tell he was getting nervous. we left for the hospital at about 2:30. by then i had to breathe through the contractions a little more. i could still talk to DH just fine for the most part, but things were progressing quickly. i took my big comfy pillow in the car with me, reclined the seat, and leaned over it on my hands and knees. sitting up straight was too uncomfortable. OF COURSE there was no gas in the car, but we live 15 minutes away from the hospital so we just hoped we would make it. We didnt really want family coming to the hospital while i was in labor but we were going to at least let them know we were there, so we planned on calling once we got checked in to a room.

Once we got there, we went in through the ER entrance and DH grabbed a wheelchair for me. He left all our stuff in the car (except my pillow) and took me up to labor and delivery. he didnt even wait for a nurse to come get us, i kept telling him to just wait a minute, we cant just take wheelchairs and run around like we own the place! he ignored me = ) once we got to labor and delivery they put me in a triage room and on some monitors for about 20 minutes. they tried to do an IV and i asked for a heplock instead, which they ok'd. the nurse was really young, i think she was in training. her heplock wasnt any good and they ended up just taking it out later. She checked me (owwwww) and i was 5 cm 100% effaced and still handling contractions well, although i wanted silence during them so i could focus and breathe. she asked another nurse to come check me (dammit!) since she was obviously new, and this time it didnt hurt and she said i was closer to 6 cm. This was at about 3:30 (almost two hours since my water had broken). They admitted me and checked me into my room.

This was when i really lost track of time. things got intense and painful. The nurse wanted me on the monitors the whole time, but i could move around and get on the birth ball, etc. i didnt want to be on the monitors because they kept falling off and i would have to hold still so they could fix them, but i was focusing too hard to argue. they kept the lighting in the room dim for me, and after a few contractions in the bed i knew i wouldnt be able to handle it like that. so i moved to the birthing ball and spend the majority of my time there, swaying my hips back and forth while DH applied counterpressure to my back. i went into the zone for a few hours and moaned through contractions. the moaning seemed to help, it gave me a mental outlet for the pain. i just dealt with one contraction at a time, trying not to think about the next one. DH also did some hip squeezes, which helped as baby moved lower. i honestly dont remember much more about this part. transition completely took me over and i felt like i was going to throw up (i didnt luckily). the nurses kept telling me what a great job i was doing, but i felt like i could lose control at any second. i actually asked how long it would take to get an epidural if i wanted one. DH knew i didnt really want one and talked me out of it, i was too tired to argue with him when he told me no. im glad he did that.

i asked to be checked to see how soon i could push, and i was at 9 cm. it didnt take much longer to get to 10cm, and when i finally got there i thought to myself "awesome, its almost over i can start pushing now!" ummm no. DD was still at -2 station, and the nurse told me i needed to "labor down" for a while. i asked how long because i was reaching my limit, and she said about an hour. i almost freaked out, an hour sounded like an eternity! she suggested a different position (hands and knees on the bed, kind of squatting) to help baby move down, so i tried that for about 30 minutes but my legs kept falling asleep, which sucked. i did some practice pushes (and totally pooped everywhere) to see if i could get DD to move down and i wasnt very effective, so the nurse told me to labor down for a while longer and her know when i felt pressure and then i could start pushing.

after about 20 more minutes I didnt really feel very much pressure, so i lied and said i did because i really wanted to get this over with! DD had moved down some, to about -1 station. they got ready for delivery and i started pushing, it took me a few contractions to get the hang of it. during one big push i heard a loud crack and felt horrible pain for a few seconds...my tailbone broke. it literally sounded like someone set off a firecracker in the room it was so loud. i screamed and freaked out DH, but i had to push through the pain. my doc came in and told me i was pushing in my face too much and to focus the energy in my abs. that helped, and i made great progress. i pushed on my back but slightly inclined, which isnt how i wanted to do it....i asked the nurse if i "had" to push in this position and she said i needed to do it this way to get baby to come underneath my pelvis. not sure if thats accurate, i always thought this was one of the worst positions for pushing. i would have moved positions but i was making progess this way so i just went with it. DH told me later that every time i would push, i would spit in the nurses face as i blew out the contraction. LOL.

i noticed that once i got to 10 cm, contractions werent as intense and they were farther apart. there were a few times during pushing that i felt like we all just sat there staring at eachother waiting for the next contraction, which was kinda awkward! i finally got DD to almost crown, but ended up needing an episiotomy to get her out. after about 45 minutes of pushing, Rebecca Marie was born at 9:23 am, 8 pounds 10 ounces, 21.25 inches long. Total time of labor: about 8 hours. DH cried, and i said "thank god thats over!" they placed Becca on me immediately and i held her, looking at her with fascination. they gave me a shot of pitocin in the leg since i didnt have an IV, and dr. stitched me up, which took a long time because apparently it was a big episiotomy, and they were using enough local anesthesia and i kept asking for more because i could feel every stitch. they finally finished up and it was just me, DH, and the nurse in the room. this is where things go downhill....

i started feeling really dizzy while i was holding Becca. i looked at DH and said "i think im gonna pass out..." and then i remember waking up. There were a few nurses over me waving smelling salts under my nose. DH was holding Becca (apparently the nurse had to yell at him to grab her when i passed out). DH looked terrified, he thought i was having a brain aneurysm and was scared i might die. they got me to wake up but i kept almost passing out....my mom, sister, and stepdad showed up and i was still really out of it. the nurses moved me to the bathroom to try and get me to pee but i passed out on the toilet. i finally started feeling better and they got me into a wheelchair and we all went to get checked into our room. the combination of passing out and the broken tailbone meant that i couldnt really move around on my own. The nurses had to help me with everything the whole first 24 hours. every time i went to the bathroom they had to help me because i kept passing out. they also noticed me heartrate was through the roof, it stayed around 135 the whole first day. that really freaked my family out. turns out i was severly anemic and the stress of labor took a toll on me. it took a good 3 weeks to get over the anemia. My tailbone took 2 months to feel better. its still uncomfortable sometimes, hoping time will heal it completely.

So we had planned to have music during labor, watch movies, etc. but since things moved so fast DH never had time to run back down to the car and get our stuff, and he didnt have time to call his job until later that day. we didnt even call family, the only way they found out we were there was because DH's dad called his work to talk to him, and they told him he never came in that morning. DH's dad assumed it was because i was in labor, so he called DH's mom, who then called my mom and was just so pleased to announce to her that i was in labor (sarcasm, im pissed that she called my mom. i wanted to be the one to tell my mom that LO was here). when i finally talked to my mom she cried and was really upset that i didnt call her, but it wasnt intentional and i think she realized that and got over it. i think the fact that MIL was the one to call her is what really upset her. i feel bad about this; if i could do it over again i would call my mom on the way to the hospital and let her be in the waiting room. i was worried that having family in the waiting room would stress me out but honestly, during labor i was so focused on what i was doing that it wouldnt have bothered me to have people in the waiting room. i actually remember during pushing, the phone in the delivery room kept ringing. DH finally took it off the hook because it was pissing me off. we found out later that it was MIL frantically calling trying to find us, even though she had told us a week earlier that we could just call her when we were ready for visitors once i went into labor and to feel no pressure to call her right away...ugh. apparently she was all freaked out about DH not being at work that morning and was telling everyone that he was going to lose his job and all stressed that he hadnt called his work yet and told them where he was. ridiculous.

Another regret i have is my episiotomy. the doc made it sound like it wasnt that bad, just a normal one. but when i got home and checked it with a mirror, i had stitches all the way down to my butt. and it took a while to heal, and it isnt fully healed properly. the skin didnt completely close near my butthole (cant think of anything else to call it) and i have this flap of skin that looks like it will always be there. ive seen my doc twice about it and gotten a second opinion and nobody seems to care. if i could do it over again i would do perianal massage and maybe just let myself tear. who knows, maybe i wouldnt have teared and my doc was too quick to do an episiotomy....

But all regrets aside, i am so happy i accomplished what i was made to do; birth a beautiful baby naturally. the first 7 or 8 weeks were really challenging, and breastfeeding was extremely hard at first. but now that she is 3 months old the fun part has started and its getting easier and easier. she is the absolute light of our lives, and DH is such a loving father, i adore seeing this side of him. Her smiles make it all worth it.

 for those of you trying for a natural birth, you CAN do it. we took the hospital classes but honestly they didnt help much. neither did reading the books. it did help to understand the process of birthing so you are knowledgable about what is happening to your body, but to me birth is instinctual. if you are worried that you MUST do hypnobirthing, bradley method, etc. to get through it, dont be. i know its different for everyone, and you should absolutely do whatever you feel is necessary to have the experience you want. but for me, i had the mentality of "this is a normal, natural process and my body will know what to do." i just looked at it as simple as that, and we got through it. hope my story helps! thanks for reading!