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Breastfeeding
angelfire02
member
Need Support About Stopping.....
angelfire02
member
I know this is the pro-breastfeeding board and I am all for that but I have to stop pumping/breastfeeding. I have struggled with severe breast infections for 13 weeks, I have tried 4 different oral antibiotics, 4 different topical creams, and all of my patience. I am in chronic pain from pumping and the few times I have been able to breastfeed. I have seen two different LC's and three different doctors and today I was finally told by the breastfeeding guru that I started working with that there is nothing else I can do, I have to stop. Today I was in incredible pain while pumping, I looked down and I was pour out blood into the pumping bottle. I have had blood before but it was always surface blood. Last night I had milk blisters and blood blisters on my nipples so I thought it was that, but it went on and on and I ended up pumping out 1 1/2 ounces of blood. It was coming from deep within my breast and all mixed in with the milk. When I looked at it, there were three huge clots in there that were pure blood. I called the LC guru and she went over everything we have already done and basically told me that at this point it is getting to be a life threatening infection. We are out of options for antibiotics (I am allergic to pennecillan and azithromicin). I was crushed and cried the entire 45 minutes I was on the phone with her. I had to have an emergency hystorectomy during my c-section and I feel like my body just continues to fail me. I was producing more than enough for my babies and I was bound and determined to stick with this for a year. I was pumping and started breastfeeding last week. I already miss that bonding time with them but it was so insanely painful that I know it's the right decision. I have been really sad about having to stop all day, I am trying to focus on the positives, I do have enough milk stored to mix half BM and half formula for hopefully at least 2 months. Anyway, any supportive words would be greatly, greatly appreciated. I'm so bummed.
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Re: Need Support About Stopping.....
All I can say is you went through waaaay more than I would have. You have been bending over backwards to try to breastfeed, and you should be commended for that.
In your situation, I think you will be so much happier doing formula in the long run. I'm sure you have been really stressed out lately and switching to formula is going to take such a weight off your shoulders.
DD1: allergic to eggs & dairy
c/p 4/1/11
DD2: milk and soy protein intolerant, allergic to eggs, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, bananas
MSPI Moms Check-In Blog
Oh wow. I am so very, very sorry you're going through this. I'm the first to admit that I am one judgmental biatch when it comes to breastfeeding, but you have gone way, way above and beyond for your babies. I am humbled and amazed that you made it as long as you did and you did an incredible job getting them this far. You are truly selfless.
Letting go is the selfless thing to do right now. If this is a life threatening infection, they need their mama more than they need breastmilk. You are an inspiration. I know you're in a really sad, disappointed place right now, but I hope someday you can look back and be extremely proud of yourself.
In quite a few of the parenting classes I've attended, someone has said that it's like when the oxygen masks drop down on an airplane -- you have to take care of yourself in order to be in a condition to assist others. This definitely sounds like one of those situations. Please take good care of yourself.
One thing that I think has really helped bonding with my baby, other than BF, is to give him massages. I feel like it's a good thing I can do for him, and he can let me know through his body language whether something feels good or bad. Some days it's just too much for him and other days he loves it. It's really helped me to read his cues about how he is feeling at that point in the day. So, you might give that a try.
And you might think about getting a massage for yourself ... you deserve it!
You are amazing!
I just have to tell you that I was mostly formula fed because my mom suffered from infections. I love love LOVE her, and I have no complaints about her feeding me formula. I grew up healthy.
If I were you, I would focus on becoming a healthy mom. Your babies need YOU. Breastfeeding is only a tiny part of raising your children. My mom started having health issues when I was in 2nd grade, and that broke my heart. Having a healthy mom is a great gift to your children.
I hope you will feel better very soon!
Proud mother of two breech babies:)
Like all PPs have said, you went above and beyond to breastfeed your baby. You should always give yourself a pat on the back and know you did the best you possibly could. More important than BFing is your baby having a healthy, happy mommy!
Now I will tell you that I know it's not easy to stop BFing. I had to stop with LO when he was around 2/2.5 months because my supply tanked after I went out of town w/o LO (not my decision). When I came back, LO's demand had gone up by 2 ounces, so that combined with my supply issues caused so much stress that I just couldn't keep up. During this time period, I could NOT stop guilt tripping myself about FFing. Even though I was never diagnosed, I believe that this was the time when any PP depression that I did have was at it's worst. I missed the bonding and I felt bad... then I jumped on here and felt worse after seeing some mommies put other mommies down for FFing.
A week passed and you know what? I started to realize things changing with my LO... he had always had gas/stomach issues and colic. Once we started a steady stream of formula (we now use the target brand of Similac Sensitive) his tummy aches got much better and even though the colic was still there, during the day he was a much happier baby. But even more important, once I learned to accept my decision to FF I was a much happier mama. Bottom line- you are feeding your babies and keeping them at a healthy weight. You are taking care of yourself by getting rid of the infection. I wish you luck during this difficult time... feel free to PM me. I think that once you get through this you will feel much better... and less stressed! Hugs- and sorry for the novel.
Hugs to you mama. It sounds like you have been through quite an ordeal. I know it feels like your body is failing you - but it grew your beautiful babies! And you were able to give them breastmilk when it counted most in those early weeks. Be proud of those things.
I'm sorry you've had a rough go and it sounds like you really have tried everything you could - there's nothing to feel ashamed of in that!
Please be at peace with yourself. And please be gentle with yourself. Your hormones can go crazy as your milk dries up which can exacerbate any negative feelings you are already having. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel it's hard to come out of that negativity.
And, yes, focus on the positives! You did a great thing for your babies and are a strong mama!
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
Please, please, please take good care of you! I am in tears reading about your experience. I've had some experience with bleeding nipples but no where close to what you are going thru. I am so sorry you've been in so much pain. Sending you hugs and wishes for a speedy recovery.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through! That sounds so heartbreaking.
Given your life-threatening infection, you really do need to stop at this point. Your babies need you, not just for your milk, but as their mommy.
So give breastfeeding a break and give your body time to heal.
Once you've fully recovered, if you still miss BFing, you can visit the issue of relactation and give that a try. But in the meantime, you need to focus on recovering. You've done a wonderful job BFing thus far and your babies are blessed to have you as their mother.