how do you stay sane on the F2A roller coaster?

vanceke08 · August 2012

We are foster to adopt and I am on such a roller coaster! little man was taken from the hospital and placed with us at 8 days old. he is now almost 7 months and the love of our lives. Mom has done nothing for the past 6.5 months and it was all looking like adoption. judge actually found reintegration no longer viable, but now bio dad has popped up (he's the 5th paternity test) and he wants "his son" and "what's best for his son" even though he has never met him at all, and knew about him the whole time, just could not be bothered to get to the office for paternity testing until bio mom tracked him down and forced him when they told her she was losing him.

So the foster care worker told us that with the judge's ruling, mom's visits would go from once a week to once a month. They decided for no reason, to keep them at once a week. and now dad gets him once a week too. mom has already no-showed one visit in the two she has had since the court ruling, and they reward her by keeping her visits at once a week?! and then at the caseplan she was all indignant that she ONLY gets to see him once a week, and WHY can't it be more than that? umm....because 9 times out of ten you do not show up. I spend more time with that boy in one day than she has bothered to see him his entire life. We were finally making some progress, and now this our hearts are breaking. it always feels like two steps forward, five steps back. How do you survive it? My heart hurts.

DaisyZH · August 2012

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time. That is so hard, I can't imagine how difficult that must be. (( Hugs )) I don't have any advice since I haven't been through this yet but my thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your little guy.

ctbride08 · August 2012

Spooko:
It's really, really hard sometimes. We went through this whole thing and it was a nightmare. All I can tell you is that while it may feel like justice for the kid isn't being done in a lot of situations, when you make it through and finally have your day in court to finalize the adoption, all that previous bs melts away and it is totally worth it. Keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. Know that LO needs that love more than anything. You will survive a broken heart if it comes to that, but LO can't be without that love in the meantime until things are for certain. So give it freely. I've been there and I'm happy to talk to you more about it if you want to page me pm me anytime. Best of luck on your roller coaster. I hope you get off soon.

fantastic advice.

How do you do it? Well, there is no other option so you just do!

Having my faith was very helpful in getting me through it all, but also just taking each day at a time.

Foster1Mom · August 2012

I do not have any advice. This is one of my fears.

You are in my T & P's. I hope it all works out for the best.

Geauxmama11 · August 2012

My heart goes out to you; I can only imagine how emotionally difficult your situation is. As a beginner in the foster to adopt world; I am trying to prepare myself as best as I can for these types of events. All I can offer at this point is thoughts & prayers. If this baby isn't meant to be yours; there will be another infant/child in need:)

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how do you stay sane on the F2A roller coaster?

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