Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: I need HELP ASAP
If he is not dangerous, I'm afraid there is little you can do (even then, it's hard). You knew he was a cheater before you got knocked up by him, and now you're surprised and say he can't be trusted. You made this bed, now you have to lay in it.
I learned the hard way that no matter what you do the father has rights to see his child. I eventually came to see that it is best for my son to know and have a relationship with his father. Since the first week we broke up and probably before, my ex had my son around "the other woman". It was horrifying and unbearable at first but I guess time kills the pain.
That being said, do not put him on the birth certificate and do not give your child the fathers last name. If he wants to see the child he will have to fight it in court. He has no rights until there is a paternity test and the court allows visitation. And you of course will be entitled to child support.
You could get him to sign away his parental rights. Not sure if that is something he would want to do or not.
If he does request a paternity test and visitation you can fight it in court if he has a history of drugs or abuse or something like that, that would make him an unfit parent. But you would need proof of arrests, convictions, drug tests, etc. Same goes for the girlfriend. The only way you can prevent your child from being around them is if you can prove they have a history of child abuse, drugs, or something along those lines. Otherwise you just have to make the best of it. Sorry. I know how you feel.
If BD wants to be involved in DS's life, he has a right to be. Your DS will seriously resent you if you try to keep BD out of his life. I know several people who have done this, and the end result is the kid grows up, reconnects with BD, has an awesome relationship with him, and a less than ideal relationship with BM because she kept BD away from him.
If you are doing everything in your power to keep BD away from DS and he takes you to court, a judge will frown on you for doing that. Typically, judges favor the parent who is most willing to promote the relationship between the child and other parent.
And this. Whether or not you like it, BD is the father to your DS. DS is half you and half BD. Also, take into consideration that not only is BD his dad, but your DS has a brother through BD too. You should not try to keep him from his sibling if they want a relationship.
In regards to what I would do in the current situation. Give DS your last name. If you don't want to put BD on the BC, then don't. But, if BD wants to see DS, you should let him. Don't be a b!tch and let the first time DS meets his BD be when it is COed. Get an attorney now. Document all the bad/questionable things BD does.
Best of luck to you. This is a long, hard road, but know that, ultimately, when a BD wants to be in their LO's life, they have a right to be, and the majority of the time, it's what is best for the child.
You kind of lost me?? Who does he have a son with and who did he get pregnant? And how were you involved in this?
If you have another kid with him it seems like a no brainer that you would want both of the kids to know their father.
Edit: I reread your post and it looks like he had a kid with someone and got someone else pg before you started dating?
Anyhow, regardless I would just stick with the plan of not allowing access to the child unless he files in court. He sounds like a jerk and I don't see any reason why you need to give him anything for free. If he wants to see his kid he should be paying child support.
Ummm, NO. What the eff?! This is his freaking CHILD, he has a right to see him because he is his SON. He could end up getting 50/50 custody and not have to pay OP a dime. You don't see any reason she should give him anything for free? DS isn't a pawn, he's a child. What is wrong with you dmndsr4eva??? If he wants to see his kid he should be paying child support? That's not how it works, the two are COMPLETELY UNRELATED. Completely. Unrelated. A father can be months behind on CS and still see their LO every single visit. Or, a BD can have visiting rights terminated and still have to pay CS.
OP, I hope things work out for you. I hope you and BD can be amicable for your DS's sake, and that you won't use your son as a pawn. Be the bigger person and put your LO first.
Actually no they are not completely unrelated. When paternity is determined then the court views BOTH parents as financially responsible. Yes, if for some reason he is unable to pay the court ordered child support he will still get visitation, but the court order will be in place and he will be responsible.
And with a newborn baby the odds of him getting 50/50 are pretty slim I would imagine.
If he does want rights, make him fight for it. EDIT: and accept now that he HAS a right to be in your child's life. The majority of the women on the board know how hard that is.
Stupid mistakes women make according to womenslaw.org
"Not allowing the bd to see their child before paternity is established." You know who the father is. Always take the high road. It's a screwed up prejudice, but the mom who denies visitation looks worse than the dad who doesn't pay child support.
In my case, he was denying paternity, and demanding to see a child that he said wasn't his is tantamount to harassment. But, that's a rare exception, and I was operating through my attorney.