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Natural Birth
overtonhayes
member
How to give birth naturally
overtonhayes
member
I really, really wanted to share my birth story, but unfortunately, I wasn't able to have a natural birth. It wasn't due to nurses/midwives being unsupportive, it just didn't work for me in the end. So, while I know that it's probably more helpful to hear tips from someone who was successful, here are some "dos and don'ts" from someone who wasn't. Maybe if I share what I 'did wrong', it might be helpful to someone.
It's going to be a long one!
DO:
Have a back-up plan.
My natural birth plan went out of the window immediately. I'd planned to labour at home for as long as possible, watching Liam Neeson movies (because he's my favourite actor) with DH. I'd pictured myself being so distracted by Liam Neeson that contractions were an afterthought, and getting in the tub when things got rough. Well, first of all, our tub was backing up, and our shower is much too small for me to be comfortable in it even when not in labour. Second, and I can't believe I didn't consider this, I didn't realise I was in labour until it was 'too late': I went to bed with backache, and woke up at 4am with really strong contractions that were three minutes apart. I think I lasted twenty minutes at home. I was so desperate to get into a working tub, and so freaked out that I was already past the 4-1-1 mark, that we rushed to the hospital.
Listen to your instincts.
In the weeks before I went into labour, I knew that when the big day arrived, I didn't want to be told how far dilated I was. If they had to check me, fine; but they weren't to tell me how far dilated I was. I read a birth story (probably here) where the woman aimed for a natural birth but had the epi, because she was so frustrated by how slow her progress was. Afterwards, she said that if only she hadn't been thinking "I've only progressed that much?", she could have done it. So that was my reasoning: if I didn't know how fast/slow I was progressing, I couldn't be sitting there thinking "I still have so far to go, I can't do this". Well, by the time I got to the hospital, I was just so curious and excited, I had to know, 'just this one time'. 'Just this one time' turned into every time, and, sure enough, (I'm sorry, I'm not trying to scare anyone here) there came a point when I was in so much pain I was sure I was in transition. I asked how far dilated I was. Big mistake. When they told me I hadn't hit transition yet, I started to panic and become absolutely terrified. I still feel that if I'd listened to myself, and not been told how far dilated I was, things might have been different.
Let whatever motivates you motivate you.
I did manage to go almost 24 hours in labour without any pain medication. A large part of that was that I was determined to prove all the nay-sayers wrong. Is that the right reason to avoid an epi? Probably not. But for nearly 24 hours, it worked. If something motivates you, let it. Don't get hung up over whether it's 'right' or not.
Research, research, research.
I'm not saying I didn't do my research. But maybe I didn't do enough. For whatever reason, when I was actually in labour I completely forgot why I was going for a natural birth in the first place. All I could think was "epi bad; avoid epi at all costs; other medications not quite so bad". I couldn't remember the side effects or risks or anything like that. That led to me getting Nubain, which led to the epi (I'll explain). If necessary, maybe even take some (brief!) research notes with you.
Avoid the monitors, if you can.
I knew I wanted the freedom to move around, but I never realised just how much it would help. When we got to the hospital, they required an uninterrupted 15 minute trace of the baby's heart rate. Well, if there's one thing my Lillian is, it's difficult, and she would not keep still enough for them to get that trace. I ended up on the monitors, unable to move and in agony, for over an hour. If it's not on your birth plan that you want to keep monitoring to a minimum or avoid it altogether, put it on there now.
DON'T:
Take the Nubain if you're already tired.
The Nubain was the turning point for me. I'd been in labour for 24 hours and was exhausted. I was already struggling to stay awake between contractions. Taking the Nubain was the biggest mistake I made. Maybe I just was unlucky, but it did nothing for my pain. Instead, all it did was knock me out between contractions. So it was strong enough to knock me out and make me groggy, but not strong enough to dull the pain: the worst combination ever, since I would go from peacefully sleeping to the pain of a contraction, and, let's face it, even a leg cramp can feel like the worst pain you've ever experienced when it wakes you up.
Focus too much on one 'type' of pain.
Like not having a backup plan, I can't believe I did this. I had a whole arsenal at my disposal for back labour. I was lucky and never experienced it, but all I had with me to help me cope with 'regular' labour was music. That was it. I hadn't been to any classes to help me prepare, since I figured labour is so different for everyone that there would be no point paying someone to tell me what contractions might feel like; I hadn't looked into any techniques like singing or deep breathing because I was so focused on the dreaded back labour... I was doomed from the word go. In fact, I was actually hoping to experience back labour, because at least I was prepared for that.
Be ashamed.
I cried my eyes out when they were giving me the epidural, not because I was in pain, but because I was so angry and disappointed with myself. Even while they were administering the epidural, I was crying on my DH's shoulder and repeating "I shouldn't be doing this". All that was going through my head was "I can't take the epidural, I just can't... ...but I can't do this. But I can't take the epidural, I just can't... ...but I can't do this". I hesitate to say this because I'm sure I'm going to sound like a nay-sayer myself, but realise that natural birth isn't for everyone. Everyone has their limits. You have to stop and evaluate what's important to you. When I was thinking about taking the Nubain, I remembered reading that it can cause a decreased memory of the birth, but actually thought "I don't want to remember this". That made me stop and realise that natural birth wasn't for me. Of course I wanted to remember my daughter's birth, and the fact that that thought came to me scared me. Fastforward to two weeks post-partum, and we're having some real problems breastfeeding. Maybe that's because I had the epidural, but when I struggle to feed her at 3am and I feel ashamed of myself, it doesn't magically fix the problem. Do not be ashamed if you have to take the medication in the end. Be proud that, while so many women demand an epi the moment they know they're in labour, you even tried.
Anyway, that's just my advice, take it or leave it. I'm really sorry if the last part sounds a little anti-NB, because that is NOT my intention: I'm not trying to push anyone towards one method or the other, just point out that there's nothing to be ashamed of if you have medication or interventions in the end. Being ashamed accomplishes nothing except making you feel terrible.
Good luck to all of you, and I hope you're all able to have the wonderful, natural births you're aiming for. Oh, and any FTMs reading this: yes, I absolutely will be trying for a natural birth next time around; and yes, I look at my daughter and every second was worth it.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How to give birth naturally
Hi there, congratulations on your wee girl!!!
I think you make a lot of excellent points. I've had 2 natural births, and wholeheartedly agree that there is no shame in getting whatever medication you need on the day.
To me the important part of preparing for a natural birth is knowing all the pros and cons of various options so that you can make the best choice on the day. For some people the best choice is the pain meds maybe because of exhaustion or the pain simply being too intense. Who can possibly say that my pain was more or less intense than the pain you experienced?? Who can say oh well "I handled the pain, therefore all women can/should."
Try not to beat yourself up. You have a beautiful girl. Oh and fwiw with DD1 at 2 weeks I was sobbing at 3am trying to feed her the latch was so bad and my nips were so damaged.
Good luck with your wee one.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Great post and congratulations on your beautiful baby girl!
I had a similar birth experience with my son - after 27 hours of labor (5 with pitocin) I asked for an epidural. I was really sad about my birth experience, but the pain was absolutely blinding and the epi brought instant and total relief.
This time around I'm having twins, so who knows if I will even get to attempt a vaginal birth. If I do, my plan will be to go med-free unless my labor is unusually prolonged. If it's like last time and I'm 20 hours in and stuck at 6cm, I will ask for the epi and take a nap. This is because I know that exhaustion is so much worse than pain for me. I wish I had that knowledge the first time around - it would have saved me from months of beating myself up over "giving in" to the epidural.
Thanks again for sharing your experience!
TTC #2 since July 2010
March 2012 IVF (MDL Protocol) Started stims 3/3; ER 3/11 (9R, 8M, 7F) ET 3/16 (5dt of 2 blasts graded 3AB and 3BA, 3 frosties(!!) Beta 3/26 = 386; Beta 3/28 = 827; u/s 4/11 says TWINS! Boy/Girl Twins delivered at 36 weeks 6 days
Lurker here. I second the not getting checked. I've had two completely med free births. With my first I wanted to know my progress, hearing that I was only at 6cm after being in hard labor for 14 hours was super discouraging for me, but within one hour I was complete. With my second, I was having transition symptoms so my midwife checked me. I didn't want to know my progress, so she just told me that I was progressing really well (I was actually only at a 6cm again, even though I went into labor at 5cm), I was holding my baby girl within an hour. I just hit transition at 6 CM and go FAST after that. So unless you can truly take that number with a grain of salt, don't let them tell you.
Oh, and congrats on your sweet girl, she's precious:).
Exactly this! Thanks for the insight. I've been wanting to hear something from this perspective. Im due in 6 days, so anything realisitic to help me prepare mentally is awesome, and greatly appreciated!
Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl and well done mama!
I had a little chuckle at your Liam Neeson movie comment.
My DH, sister and I were hanging out in our living room watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall in the early parts of my labour. I had this idea that we'd watch movies, eat snacks and I would bounce on my physio ball while I laboured. Ha! I found their laughing very distracting and the comedy did nothing for me while I was labouring.
I quickly realized I needed more focus so I went to my bedroom and turned music on.
Wow, that was an amazingly helpful post! Maybe there is a purpose for your experience, because all of this information is so helpful (for us and for you), and things I haven't heard before. A lot of it sounds like things I would do, also-- like asking how many centimeters incessantly. I'm not pregnant yet, but I definitely will be coming back to reference this post when I get close to my due date.
Thank you for sharing your experience!!!
...baby #3 is here...
Hello,
This is my first time here and I just wanted to thank you for your honesty and transparency. I have had 2 children and after 31 and 4o-something hour labors opted for the epi, as well. I would love and am planning on a med-free birth this time, but know that exhaustion is my nemesis. I thank you and congratulate you on a superb job....just look at that angel:)
Congratulations and thank you for the Wonderful tips.
Thank you for this post, I was going back and forth on knowing the progress on the cm and I think you're absolutely right, it doesn't help. I'll add that into my birth plan and try to remind myself that everyone's different and that dilation can change quickly at times and slowly at others. Congratulations on a beautiful baby, love the name too, it's on our list of contenders.