MH wants me to make a decision soon about a baby

BeckyP005 · August 2012

So this morning I wake up and AF greets me with her presence. I email the RE to let her know so I can start estrogen and make my u/s appt for my mock.

I tell MH what day it will probably fall on and that I wanted to get his SA out of the way and maybe the counseling part also. He said fine.We then start talking about what we want to do with the inside of the house and of course tells me that we can only do this stuff if we don't do DE. Yes I know that and told him I'm not sure yet. How could you not be sure? Why are we doing this testing if your not sure?

Can you believe after all this time I still can't give a yes/no answer? I told him I wanted to get to the point of being on the waiting list but that means we pay $2200 I think to be put on. He said no way are we wasting that kind of $. You all probably think I am nuts...I am. Maybe it's the nerves talking. Too much limbo time I assume. A big part is my age and we all KNOW how I whine about that. Idk...I just don't know why I'm being like this Idk...

Mrs.McIrish · August 2012

Time for tough love my dear! I agree with you DH about spending testing money if you don't know is wasteful. Time to sh!t or get off the pot!!!! It is OK if you did change your mind. I am afraid I might change my mind if I don't do it now.

happywifemomofone · August 2012

((((hugs)))) I know how hard it can be to be on and off the idea of DE IVF. The financial committment is Huge, and we're sure not getting any younger as the months tic by. I won't be ready to stop until I can be 100% happy with the decisions I made to get there-whether age related decisions or financial decisions. MH gets very excited about becoming a Dad, and that motivates me to keep trying. I think that everyone know's for themselves when the time to call it quits is.....if you do decide to not go forward, you have to be able to live forever with that decision. My heart aches at the lack of guarantees with DE IVF, but that's a gamble that we have to take to roll the dice. Wishing you peace with your decision, and hoping that you can both decide together. It's hard to make decisions on your own, easier decision making when you can agree as a couple.

BeckyP005 · August 2012

McIrish....I knew I wasn't getting any coddling (sp?) from you...lol

Happywife I wish MH would get excited. I know he would be a great dad but he is fine on whatever I decide. He doesn't get excited and talks to me about how he can't wait to be a dad. I wish he would. I just feel confused. I have this opportunity that some pp will never have and I'm being ridiculous. Like I said it must be nerves...hopefully the lining on my 2nd mock cycle will be thinner and then I hope I will be on board again. Thanks for the pep talks.

lhcooper · August 2012

******TICKER WARNING*******

Wait, is that $2200 for testing, or to get on a wait list? If it's the list, then for the love of god, find another clinic.

On another tough love note, I agree with McIrish. DE is hard enough when you *know* you want a baby more than anything else. I realize it may be that you feel this way *because* it's DE, but still: don't shell out this kind of money if you don't want this. And for sure don't shell it out to be on a waitlist!!

chicagobride_07 · August 2012

GL with your decision. It's a tough process.

I assume that the $2,200 would be credited towards your cycle if you decide to move forward- would it be refunded if you cancelled? Once we decided on a donor, we needed to pay the costs in full (agency fee, legal fees, estimated travel fees, donor gift) right away to reserve her- so it doesn't sound too odd to me.

BeckyP005 · August 2012

The $2200 is to get on the wait list and look at potential donors. Once we find one we like then we pay the rest. This clinic is the only one that does a "shared" cycle and the least expensive in our area.

Please don't get me wrong...I have wanted a baby with my first marriage and was going to an RE 10 yrs ago. A baby is all I ever wanted...I'm just getting scared now and have no idea why. Well alot of reasons like everyone else I guess. I don't think I am tough enough to handle anything. You ladies are unbelievably strong.

Oh and you ladies made me cry....not stating that you were mean or anything. I'm emotional right now anyway but I do realize I need a good kick in the a$$. Thanks for your honest comments

mtlaurel · August 2012

I understand how ambivalence on your H's part can add to your fears and questioning of this decision. I felt like my DH was just along for the ride heading into our DE cycle. Oddly enough, I'm now going to do a second DE cycle mostly because my DH really, really wants to - to the point where I'm actually a bit shocked. So, maybe your DH wants this more than he lets on.

I think you're experiencing nerves as it comes closer to the time when you actually have to plunk down some money and gain access to potential donors. That's when it starts to feel real, instead of this idea that you've been living iwth for so long.

But, I guess the question is: how do you think you'll feel if you close the door right now? Do you think you'll regret it some day? If so, then I think you need to just trudge on ahead, and understand that moments of ambivalence/fear/self-doubt are all natural along the way. Good luck.

HeatherIcon · August 2012

Ahhhh...the delights of the DE cycle...I know all too well the horrors..It is so hard to even think about and once you even begin to embrace the decision, it is all about money and science. It takes the fun out of it. The only thought that keeps me going is that I am fairly certain that I must exhaust every effort to have what I want, what comes so naturally to some and so unjustly suffered through for others.

This is such a difficult decision. I wish you the best in thinking through yours.

owlprof · August 2012

I just wanted to send you hugs, Becky. I don't have any advice about what you should do, but I can't imagine the enormity of the decision.

justadogmommy · August 2012

I will give you my eggs for free if there was a way i could. I am 38 though and did have fertility problems too. I have a 6 month old now and conceived on my own after 2 m/c and 2 years trying. I hope it happens for you and mcirish!

BeckyP005 · August 2012

justadogmommy:

I will give you my eggs for free if there was a way i could. I am 38 though and did have fertility problems too. I have a 6 month old now and conceived on my own after 2 m/c and 2 years trying. I hope it happens for you and mcirish!

Aww thanks. Using DE isn't really the problem (i'm 44 so that's just a given) it's just the not knowing it will work after the $ being spent and alot of other things.

I am also wishing McIrish the best! She has been at this for a long time and so have some others...dealing with way more than me. Congrats to you and your baby!

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