Miss you all...apology...and ramblings
johnnys june
member
**WARNING*** Rainbow baby mentioned.
It's been a while, lovies...and I am truly sorry I have been absent and not supportive enough. The past 2 months has been a completely new and different ride on this roller coaster I've been put on. Having my rainbow baby has been both joyous and exhausting. With those two also comes the guilt, the confusion, and the necessity to put both of those aside while caring for Emma. We're doing well and finding a new balance to our days and nights. I am struggling more so lately with the grief and what it all means now that I have a little sister for Logan, but I guess that's to be expected. Forgive my absence and please know that I think of each of you everyday. I'm hoping that my return to work will allow me more scheduled stability to my days which will allow me to again actively participate on this board.
For all the new faces (too many new faces!), I am so sorry that you are here, but I am glad you found us. The women on this board have become more than just "faces of a loss"...they are friends...family...hope. They have seen me through my darkest days. I send each and every one of you *hugs* and hope for peace and healing in even the smallest ways each and every day.
My family is all gone now and it's just me and Emma during the day while DH is at work. I'm nervous....and I wonder what emotions might arise now that I am completely alone during the day. The laundry and dishes my just go untouched so that I can join you ladies on here 
Re: Miss you all...apology...and ramblings
Hi Johnnys! Nice to see you! I don't see too many of the "oldies" around here on a regular basis. I know it's not that they all have "moved on" but just that their lives are moving forward and they are busy.
Cant believe Emma is already growing so much! I'm sure it is a whirlwind of emotions having your rainbow but watching you go through it all has given me hope. I hope I can get there too.
Big hugs, come by anytime!
Hello Johnnys-- I am not over here as often as I would like. It is tough going through this and coming over here and seeing so many more new loss moms. I know I was here too just 11 or so months ago but it is still hard for me. I see you as an inspirations and I am so glad that you are doing well. I can't believe it has been 2 months already time sure does fly by.
Thinking of all of the ladies here all the time. Ever if I am not here often!!!
Heather
Hi Johnnys - I'm one of the newer faces. I must say, this board has truly been a life line for me, as I'm sure it was for you. I can't even begin to imagine all the emotions you are going through with your new LO, Emma, in your arms and her brother, Logan, in your heart.
I'm sure it must be very hard to come on here and read all the new sad stories, while trying to be strong during a new pregnancy or while caring for a new LO. And sometimes we all need to step away for a while.
Please know it really does mean so much when an "oldie" comes back and tells her story, gives support, gets support, and lets us know that you are getting through this - how you are getting through this, and that we will get through it too.
Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!
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