Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: First consultation, what to expect?
Will you be seeing an RE? My RE consult was just informational; my wife and I sat in a room with her and she went over my medical history, talked to us about what we'd done so far (we'd done 3 insems at a midwife practice at that point), what her practice was like, what their procedures were, what testing she would suggest we do, different medications/treatment options and what their risks and benefits were. Kind of just a lay of the land. Your consult will probably be similar, though if you happen to be there at a point in your cycle during which they would want to do testing (e.g. CD3), they may want to do blood work and/or a transvaginal ultrasound that day, just to get the ball rolling. Usually initial testing involves blood work, a baseline transvaginal ultrasound, and an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) to make sure your tubes aren't blocked.
At our midwife consult, we were given a list of blood tests I had to have (STDs, CMV so I could choose sperm with an appropriate CMV status, antibodies for prior vaccinations, etc) and it was recommended I have a pap smear prior to starting. I didn't have to go through all of that again with the RE but if it is your first appointment, you may have to do all of that.
Have you talked to someone in the clinic's finance department about what your insurance covers (assuming you have insurance)? The finance person at my clinic called my insurance provider and found out exactly what was covered and under what circumstances, and that can be helpful because they know exactly what questions to ask. You said you were paying OOP, but it's possible the person at the clinic will find out more. It's also possible they cover testing but not fertility treatments, or procedures but not drugs, etc. Can't hurt to have them check and it might help!
Good luck!
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
I completely agree with ball.and.chain, she pretty much covered it all. For you, it will depend on if you're seeing an RE or midwife, and also your hx and what fertility treatments you've done so far.
But basically there are a million ways to do things, so you'll need to discuss that with you provider and decide what's best, i.e. what blood work you've already checked & what you want to check, medicated vs. non-medicated cycles, then what type of meds (PO vs. IM), 1 or 2 insems per cycle, monitor by frequent US vs. relying heavily on OPK.
It's good to find out what their policies and procedures are, so that you're all on the same page. For example, some docs are more hurried to use meds and some people may not want that. Some people may have a limited amount of tries and want to go for the meds right away, but the doc isn't game for that. It goes a long way to like/trust your provider, because when our doc wanted to change things (esp. if it was all of a sudden) we would think "hmm, okay. she knows what she's doing."
Thank you both for the information.
I will be working with a RE, considering I'm using Donor Sperm there has been no trying, but I do have PCOS which is why I wanted to lean towards starting off with help considering I cant try naturally, Not possible when you have to inseminate. Health insurance is not an option at this time, but I will be asking about financial details like was suggested above.
I really appreciate all the information everyone is giving, seriously helped put me in the right direction.
Me: Witty Comical Southern Girly,Relocated To Wonderful Seattle.
DH: Charming Introvert, Perfect father material.
9/5 First Re Appointment: Good to go on next cycle!
Waiting October IUI, Wish me luck!
Causes I support: GLBT Rights, Children Rights, Animal rights.
The two pp pretty much summed up our first visit and the testing we went through (CD3, CD12 labs, genetic and immunities testing, CMV status, HSG, u/s to check my ovaries and monitor follicle development etc). Paying for it OOP is not as horrible as some would expect. Our insurance did pay for our testings but not medicine, utra sounds, sperm or insemination. They covered all of what our costs would be at our first visit.
Something we did not think about was some questions to ask the cryo lab and your RE regarding sperm shipping and storage (can get quite expensive when paying OOP). I called prior to ordering and because we ordered multiple vials at once they gave me a 20% discount. It was a huge savings! We found it was cheaper with our RE to store our sperm (free for a year vs $40 monthly with cryo lab) and it was cheaper to ship all the vials at one time. The only thing we gave up was being able to return unused vials as they left the bank. We figured our return on potential unused was less than what we would spend in shipping so we shipped all at once. Now our RE has our sperm should we want to go for a sibling or we can donate our unused to a couple if we decide to stop or just destroy the samples.
This was one aspect we did not place a big importance on at first as I literally thought oh we select a donor and order. Done. Once I started crunching numbers with all options available to us, I am really glad we did as we did pick up the phone and ask questions. It allowed us to pick the best route for us.
06/12 - BFP!!!!
Beta #1 15dpo - 256
Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
EDD 02/21/13
09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks.
Welcome! As a fellow-Seattleite, I just wanted to say that I think you're already making good decisions. For example, PNW is much better compared to some of the others locally I've head about. We don't use them at this point, but will if/when we move to an RE. Also, their website it pretty extensive, so you can probably get a lot of info there before your appt if you know what you're looking for.
Definitely look into your shipping costs and storage options. PNW charges $175.00 every six months, but nothing for vials for each cycle and I've had friends who haven't been charged for storage even though they shipped more than 2 vials. Our bank charges $18-220 per shipment, so sometimes it pays to do the math as 2moms2b mentioned.
Also, I'm assuming your planning to do IUIs, so you may want to compare options when looking at donor specimen types available. PNW charges a $90 processing fee when an IUI-ready sample is thawed and prepared and a $255 processing fee when an ICI-ready sample is thawed, washed and prepared. So depending on your bank prices, one may be a better option for you if you have both choices.
Finally, my OB (through my HMO) was able to get some initial lab work covered by my insurance (which has no fertility coverage) by coding it as ob/gyn diagnostic. So you may find out from the RE what they want you to have and see if it's worth doing it all in-house with them or exploring other options to keep costs down.
Seriously amazing advice girls.
So I called PNWF and got a price list sent over, I have no idea why I didn't think about that ahead of time. Not too bad on the prices, so far the best I've seen compared with the level of care they seem to have. Considering I call almost every day and ask questions and someone immediately emails me anything I want to know. Speedy with it also. We will be using the sperm bank that's located here in Seattle, Just happens to be where DH's favorite donor is. They ship within the Seattle/Bellevue area for free (Weird perk I guess?). If anyone needs a comparison price list for Pacific Northwest Fertility let me know and I can forward it out.
I totally appreciate the help everyone, I've gotten farther in the journey by just going by your advice that 6 months of googling to death.
Me: Witty Comical Southern Girly,Relocated To Wonderful Seattle.
DH: Charming Introvert, Perfect father material.
9/5 First Re Appointment: Good to go on next cycle!
Waiting October IUI, Wish me luck!
Causes I support: GLBT Rights, Children Rights, Animal rights.