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2nd Trimester
fennyann
member
Stressing out! VENT!!
fennyann
member
ok, so here's the story...
for the past 3 years my parents and sister have been on my cell bill with my hubby and i because i received a discount through work. recently, they have been slacking to make their payments...lets just say they owe about 400 total. i know that they are strapped for cash at times, but so am i. my husband and i have recently bought a house...and as we get closer to the baby arriving, we need to make sure that we have the money for everything we need!
long story short..i have just confronted my mom about the cost that she still owes and she is freaking out! so much so that she just wants to pay it all back and cancel or postpone my baby shower (which is in 2 weeks). all of the invites have been sent out and everyone has rsvped...i have family members that are out of town, who have purchased plane tickets to come up for that weekend!
im stressing here a bit and have no idea what to do! i fee like a jerk keeping tabs on my parents and sister but somethings got to give! i know they dont do it on purpose but geez...this pregnant lady needs a break.
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Re: Stressing out! VENT!!
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Not to be a b*tch but her problems with the cell phone sound personal to me and has nothing to do with your shower. For her to even bring that up the way she did was pretty jerky. Everyone is some form of cash poor these days and for her to put you in this position when you are pregnant (even if you werent pregnant) is very selfish. If it were me I would drop them from the plan and let them know they are on their own from now on bc they don't seem to respect/appreciate what you are doing for them and you cannot support them and your blossming family, nor should you have to.
I will admit I am in a very testy mood today but generally have no sympathy for BS. Especially from adults who should know better.
Your mom sounds like a real gem. Holding the shower over your head in (seemingly) hopes to get you to stop hounding her to pay her outstanding balance is ridiculously childish and immature. I can't fathom a parent responding that way.
If I were you, because of the family that purchased plane tickets and made plans to visit that weekend, I'd talk to someone else about hosting the shower, just in case your mom would really follow through with her threat. (I don't think she actually would, because it would reflect badly upon HER and everyone would know what a jackass she is) I know that it can be seen as tacky from outsiders, but I think these are special circumstances.
ETA: My other option that I'd do if I were you? Hold off on pursuing the outstanding balance until after the shower. Just leave it alone and say, "Okay, mom. Sorry. I understand." Let her think that she won. After you have visited with family that weekend, bring it up again and if she wants to pay the balance and remove herself from your plan, PERFECT.
It's unfair for their lack of paying is going to effect your baby shower. I'd tell her not to worry about it right now. That way the shower will happen and all the people who were invited will not be effected. If you can, give it another month and then I'd present an ultimatum. Kindly tell them that you like being able to provide them with a discount but if they cannot pay on time and in full each month, you'll be forced to remove them since you have your own financial obligations.
You are not a jerk.
your mom is playing you. just say, OK mom cancel the shower and i'll tell them why you canceled the shower.
your mom is going to keep doing this until you call her bluff. clearly you've let this happen before.
sorry if this may sound harsh but you did ask.
THIS! Your mother is totally playing you! "you want your shower, then don't make me pay my bill...." sounds like an ultimatum. My mother plays little games like that sometimes too where she always makes me feel like I owe her so much because she does soooo much for me all the time. It drives me insane. But I also know she would never go this far. Your mother shouldn't be doing something for you with the expectation that you will ignore her phone costs in reciprocation. I think she would be very hard pressed to call all those traveling family members to explain why she was canceling such a special event. Publicly, it would look really bad on her. So I vote for calling her bluff on it and not accepting her terms.
I don't know the OP, but my mother does this same sort of thing, AND it doesn't necessarily mean the OP has "let it happen before" it means this is the way her mother is. If a non family member acted this way one would likely cut them out of their lives, but you can't quite do that so easily with close family.
I've been calling my mom on stuff for a long time now and it's always turns into her becoming a victim somehow. She grew up with an abusive father, I'm not going to fix her by being a b*tch. Just saying. I agree she(the OP) needs to stand up to her, but I don't think her mom acts this way b/c of anything that the OP did. Sorry, this subject is just a little close to home.